AM I a Pedo?

I won't say you are a pedo, BUT.. the way porn works is that it gets worse and worse until you desire to seek out cp and more illegal stuff. Just try to stay away from it because it can be enticing to go back - especially with how 4chan can be.

 

No,you aren't.You just "got enough" of normal P,and now your brain is searching for something that never attracted you.I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get turned on to 10 year old girl .Don't be afraid,it is kinnda "normal" for those who watched P for long time.

 

A pedophile is an individual who has sex with children, that you are not. Watching child porn is immoral and in many, many cases illegal. But most of the time, individuals who seek out extreme types of porn are looking for that taboo high. I myself often spent days watching beastiality porn. I would spend days watching extreme BDSM porn from Europe ( that content is pretty disturbing ). It turned me on watching it; why? Cause it was a high. I have never done drugs, only drink socially, never smoked. So this was my high, my vice, and I was neck deep in it. I'm willing to bet 90% of you watching child porn is the intrigue of such a taboo type of porn. Not that you enjoy the content, but the fact that it's taboo, arouses you. Stay way from it. It has the potential to suck you in cause with porn addiction you continually want a higher high. And if you keep up with watching, downloading, experimenting with that type of porn, it's only a matter of time before there's a knock on your door.

 

My personal porn tastes never degenerated further than transwoman porn but I know for a fact now i've been off the porn that I was looking for the same intense high i'd got when i first watched porn. I know this because i have absolutely no natural incline toward guys or transgender folk now that my brain has healed somewhat and i've started to remove lust from it's root all together for anyone but my wife. Your desensitised brain from years of watching porn is looking for a chemical high it used to once get. Needless to say, stop seeking out this kind of novelty/high. It can only end in bad things.

 

An extension of that is acting out on you're urges. I began to meet women and couples outside my marriage cause porn just lead me that road. What also really screwed me over was my PIED. Because I could not get an erection and have normal sex ( my wife could never ride me cause I could not stay hard, etc ) I replaced feeling the greatness of sex with the high of meeting women and couples. I got a high off the hunt and the chase. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got caught and I did.

 

Dude, you're not a pedo. It's just a symptom of porn use. It needs a new high. Anything, and child porn is new so it wants to see it.
Looking at those premature bodies, it originally turned you off. But the porn ruined your natural sex drive. Now it's looking for different ways to arouse itself, having a taste for all kinds of fetishes. It's like you're 13 again.
But at least you weren't interested after you saw the girls face, there's still some morality in you.

 

I feel kind of ironic answering this but to me at least no you are not a pedophile. Pedophilia is generally the exclusive sexual attraction to young children. You were going deeper and deeper down the road of addiction, and child porn was just where that led you to. Besides, even if you did like it or felt aroused you were guilty and felt that it was wrong. Subconsciously you despised it but your addicted self gave it the thumbs up. You aren't a pedophile, and suicide isn't the answer. An old friend told me once this:
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
You can beat this addiction but suicide or self harm isn't the answer.

On another note, it's a good thing you shared your story here, no matter how guilty you feel. That takes guts, and you did it. Lighten up

 

There are no pedophiles in mental health hospitals and no court/jury will ever justify or exonerate an individual who practices in pedophilia on the basis of a mental illness. That's the one crime that has no recourse in the eyes of justice. You may speaking in terms of medical or psychological research and practice, and DSM documentation and cast study, but in the spectrum of pedophiles in society at large, they are criminals. My point is to those who have an inkling or curiosity to engage in practices that border on the immoral and illegal, take a quick look in the mirror. It's one thing to be a porn addict and severely disable the social, emotional, and mental functions of one self; it's another to engage in illegal activities online/personally that the court system and society have no sympathy for when handing down punishment.

 

STOP right now. If you look at and MO to child porn even once you will be plagued with anxiety for the rest of your life or at least until you work yourself out. I have had significant anxiety about pedophilia due to the fact that I fell in love with not one but two 15-year-old girls in the space of two years during my mid- to late-twenties. I never once suggested to them that I wanted to have sex and was more or less totally chaste in my dealings with them, but I won't deny that there was some sexual attraction underlying my motives. Breaking taboos and crossing the line, even a little bit, will lead to pretty dark stuff that plays on your mind.

As long as you have learnt from it and are resolved never to seduce or abuse an underage girl (or boy!) then you have nothing to worry about. If, however, you look at child porn again then you are nothing but a criminal and an outcast from our society.

It used to be that men in their thirties would marry girls in their early teens, but that's medieval stuff and falls into the same category as other obsolete customs like witch hunts and torture of heretics. Again, don't look at child porn or abuse kids and you aren't a pedophile, and therefore aren't in danger of being unexpectedly stabbed or shot. I have met several individuals who have murdered pedophiles, and there will be no mercy for you if you become one. So be warned.

 

This may be off topic, but:

A - you mention actual love here. You say you fell in love. I see a difference between that and ordinary lust.

B - a technical correction: 15 years old is indeed illegal and morally wrong in many cultures, but it is not pedophilia. Attraction to Prepubescent children, not merely underage ones, constitutes pedophilia.

As for your warnings: they are harsh and brutal, but I suppose they are necessary. I only hope they reach through to OP.

 

This kind of P is definitely playing with fire, and you will easily get burned. The burning will be the feds of course.

 

To MadHatter,

Yes, I am trying to instill a healthy fear of pedophilia in those who are tempted to dabble in it. That's just what can happen. It applies to myself as well if I ever sexually abuse children (God forbid). I was sexually abused - well, seduced - when I was 26 by a pseudo-spiritual guide and it has damaged me emotionally. So you guys must forgive me if I allude to a world of violence and hate. I am trying to get over this as best I can but it comes out unexpectedly sometimes.

In regard to those girls, I was in love with them but I do admit to the secret motive of wanting to have sex with them. I fantasised about them many times during MO. Kind of like "American Beauty" I guess, and didn't Lester get shot in that?

Anyway. This is an ugly topic and I'd prefer to put in my two cents and move on to something else. RepentMySins is right about how serious it is. If you guys didn't know, you can go to jail for child porn. People should be warned that it is very dangerous and a recipe for trouble.

 

Understood. Sorry to hear of your experiences. Yes, I know you can go to jail, and you are right to warn others.

One of my all-time favorite movies, incidentally. Yeah, he got shot. You may see it as judgement, but that is open to interpretation, I guess.

 

hey there friend, I've definitely have had my own experiences like this and it has created such uneasiness with my mind and in my life generally...I'm still healing from all the trauama, of sorts...but the more I'm reading these stories here in the community...the more comfort it provides...from what it sounds like, just like myself, we're seeking out these taboo "highs" to stimulate our mind and bodies since we digested and have become desensitized to ordinary pornography...I know that the emotions that follow these kinds of experiences are more than words can describe...it's endless days and nights of anxiety and overwhelming feelings of disgust within the self...

It seems that you're in the right place to seek healing in all of this, be gentle with yourself and try to maintain an open mind to the possibility of healing from all this....stay well, my friend!

 

No you are not a pedo.Its an effect of PMO.Excessive porn changes mind hormones to a more extreme way.BDSM,child porn,rape porn are all things that come under the effect.Get yourself off PMO.You will get normal.Good luck!

 

Yeah I can relate to even getting a kick (on some level) out of the danger of potentially being caught by my wife. It's a sad and sorry place to be in and the worst part is that when you have been sober a while and you look back you just feel disgusted.