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Anyone Else Afraid In Public?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Judicious 7, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    I feel afraid in public sometimes. The mass amounts of people and social interactions can be overwhelming for me. Seeing couples, groups of other men, and groups of women is stressful for me emotionally and psychologically.

    Coupled with trying to get off of porn, it's hard. Now, I can talk if prompted and I can introduce myself, but being around large scores of women and other human beings is too much for me.

    I know it's not good to be antisocial (which I'm not promoting), but too many people is difficult to get used to.
     
  2. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    Well for you it's easy. But for me, it's difficult. I feel like every time I go in public, it's a 50/50 chance of success. I can't handle it easy, man. It's tough.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2016
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  3. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    letter and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Merlionno

    Merlionno Guest

    Yeah I have severe anxiety and sometimes even get panic attacks it sucks alot :/
     
  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I feel you guys - I am the same way and it is a horrible ordeal to be out in public sometimes. What can help to manage the panicky feelings is to do some very simple breathing exercises. You can do it anywhere - sat on crowded public transport (one of the worst for me), even leaning against a wall. There are a myriad sites and videos explaining how to do this. It really helps, although it is not a magic wand. Your anxiety may remain, but it won't feel quite so overwhelming, hopefully.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2016
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  6. TheSolarShaman

    TheSolarShaman Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Judicious 7...

    I hope your social anxiety beings to lessen over time...I definitely know what it's like to have these seemingly irrational moments of discomfort around large groups, it really creates a difficult sense of self worth and diminishes self confidence...

    Personally...I am a firm believer that we need to learn how to be gentle with ourselves and our emotions...we spend so much of our energy in moments of stress, anxiety, and worry, which is essentially us not properly listening to our bodies and minds...do you have any methods that you practice to at least help lessen to anxiety?

    I recommend activities such as watching ASMR videos, these really help calm and ease the mind and body, I also attempt to do things like art therapy (it's really just senseless drawing and writing, but is very beneficial for emotional stability) and my biggest practice these past few months is Meditation...I actively spend time in small groups at local Buddhist temples and it's very comforting to find small social gathering such as this as we are not only practicing self-care, but we also have a chance to share intimate experiences with each other and how we are attempting to live our lives with as little suffering as possible...In Buddhist tradition this is known as "Sangha" which translate to "community" and as of recently, I greatly treasure these small intimate groups because they help fight against my habit of isolation and seclusion...

    stay well my friend, do keep in touch and feel free to contact me for anything!

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2016
  7. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    @Judicious 7
    I used to have immense anxiety about going into and preparing to go into a public environment. I used to have to wash and put on fresh clothes before I went out even to the shop, even if I had washed in the morning anyway because I felt i was unclean etc. Of course I was clean and didn't smell but I thought I did. I wouldn't talk to anyone unless it was utterly necessary, and I would get severe palpitations before I would talk to someone. I would feel out of place in a crowd. All of this changed after 2 phases in my life, first one being I went to a college full of rough types of people to study engineering. Everyday was full of each other absolutely leathering each other off and calling each other all sorts of names, obviously it was all a big joke but everyone established a close friendship and as well as the jokes we could all have serious conversations with each other. We also arranged to do things as a group outside of college, like climb the local mountain range etc. This 2 year experience really helped to relax myself around people as I realised that nobody cares about me individually, they only care if your a nice person.
    The second phase of my transition was getting a delivery job. I drive around in my van and go to more people's houses per day than most people would do in a month. Everyday is a new set of people and in between if I get lost I go to random people on the street and ask for directions. I'm literally a changed person because of these 2 simple things. Exposing myself to the ups and downs of social interaction while knowing that I'm just another one of 7billion people on this earth. I'm no different and mean no more or less to anyone else. Now I can be in crowds and talk to anyone without feeling like I'm being stared at or examined by others's eyes.
    I think in short I would summarise this as not to take ourselves seriously, accept who we are an build on the good things about ourselves, so they can radiate onto others.

    I hope I helped.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2016
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  8. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice.. I usually breathe or listen to music. I try to also find solace in being away from people but not heavily removed. Like, instead of walking on a boardwalk, I'll be on the beach.

    But idk, maybe I'm hard on myself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2016
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  9. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    You did help. Thanks for the wisdom
     
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  10. TheSolarShaman

    TheSolarShaman Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you, there's definitely a sense of peace while being alone...again, learn to just be gentle with yourself...I can relate with being hard on yourself, it can be difficult when you don't necessarily have someone in your immediate surroundings...
     
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  11. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    Wow. How did you know?
     
  12. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    He can answer for himself, of course, but I think it's because he and you are similar in that you value peaceful alone time. It's perfectly OK to be a type of person (introvert) that needs alone time. Society has this messed up idea that being an introvert, or "shy" or whatever names people give it, is somehow wrong. But not everybody has to be an extrovert.

    Of course, the fear and being hard on yourself that you describe isn't healthy. But it is ok to be a type of person that doesn't particularly enjoy crowds and values alone time. Have you considered counseling to help you with the fear?
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
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  13. TheSolarShaman

    TheSolarShaman Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Judicious 7 hope you're doing alright..you know @fupornwife made a great point, everyone is different and a certain kind of people just naturally enjoy peaceful alone time...in my experience, I try to be observant of whether or not I'm behaving and thinking in a healthy way while I am in my solitude...I don't find it odd to be fond of personal space or to be more comfortable alone or in smaller groups (the whole extrovert/introvert dynamic)...but I also know that when I am in a "bad space" whether emotionally or mentally, I start to find myself becoming restless and filled with bitterness and jadedness....and when I stay in those emotions they begin to guide me back into other unhealthy habits..

    Hope you are well friend, will also send a PM
     
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  14. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    I don't feel fear in public. In fact, I love being in a crowd.
    I like reading people's faces, their expressions say a lot about how the day has been for them and all that.
    I'm surprised no one on this site gets it.

    Even if you do, you just let the details slip away past you and concentrate on your own self-made hell.
    The only place I'm occasionally afraid of, is this forum.
    I think I'll stop coming here as well.
     
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  15. Judicious 7

    Judicious 7 Fapstronaut

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    I have had counseling once before, but I don't think it's been for the social anxiety in public. But I understand what you said though about how it's not bad to be an introvert. I just don't like the overwhelming feeling of encountering swarms of people.

    I guess also, I feel like I have an image to present before people. And hundreds of people viewing that image puts stress on me, if that makes any sense.
     
  16. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    If it rules your life and keeps you from going out in public, that's something you need help with. I honestly think pretty much everybody needs counseling (and I take my own advice! I'm in counseling.) so I think, from what you said here, that you could benefit from counseling. But you can also work on understanding yourself and accepting who you are.

    Maybe take this quiz and see what you learn. I'm a fan of online quizzes. It's not a diagnosis, it's not the same as seeing a professional. But it can help point you in the right direction. http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=1311
     
  17. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    People.
    And what they're going through.
    Scariest shit was some dude saying that he was harassed by an old man.
    He had the conversation printscreens to prove it.
    That was the time when I first heard the two most fucked up words in the universe.
    Ready for it?




    Daddy porn...
     
  18. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    That could be also true.
    I think the community in and of itself is doing nothing for me to improve my reboot.
    And it's not their burden to carry, anyway.

    Sure, I appreciate the 'Keep fighting!' I get from some of the guys, but mostly, when I read some of the stories here, I get sickened.

    And I usually relapse.
    So, it's best not to know.

    And fuck, man... Did you really have to give the definition of those two gross words to me?
    I know what they mean...
     
  19. BetterDaysAhead

    BetterDaysAhead Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there:)
     
  20. Did things get better Judi?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2016

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