Here we go!

Hey forreallife,

welcome to the board. You can already give yourself a credit for registering and wanting to improve your life, especially in regards to your significant other, you are doing this not only for yourself but also for your wife - a praiseworthy reason and motivation. I think, if you change maybe the habit you mentioned and replace it by something else, you will find yourself doing a lot of reflection on your current situation - including the past and the possible future. At least, this is what I experienced. One seems to return to the "true life" by leaving these virtual spaces.

This is a beautiful wish and I assure you that this dream can become true if you replace this little habit that may have a greater impact than we sometimes assume. Your wife will notice your changes.

I wish you the very best and hope you find strength and some useful advice around here.

All the best!

 

I hear you.

My wife has a lower sex drive too. Also, she has the arousal stages reversed. Instead of:

1-sex ideas and thinking about doing it
2-physical stimuli
3-sex to orgasms

My wife is 2-1-3. She needs physical arousal to realize she wants sex. But she knew about my addiction, so she wasn't too fond on giving me more sex anyway.

Now that I stopped watching porn and masturbation, she is the only outlet. It is sometimes freaky, as there is only one provider. But a lot of bonding behaviors re-enforce love and lead to more physical contact.

For your wife, watch this very good video:




Trust me, now that I have more sex, like 2-3 times a week, I'm still thinking about the next encounter...seems like the thirst is VERY HARD to quench.

Apparently, Karezza is the solution, where bonding sex (without orgasm) trumps matting sex...it's a very hard selll, but I'm wiling to try it when my wife will be more opened to it.

 

Whether it's sex or porn or food or alcohol or drugs, all addicts use these items to change our emotional state. We feel emotional discomfort and our brains have learned that we can feel better if we PMO. Sometimes we find comfort in the ritual. Sometimes we have an additional obsession and we need to complete a certain 'act' before we can proceed with our day. Sometimes it's merely getting our 'hit' of brain chemicals to calm our nerves or energize us when we're depressed. Others go into 'auto-pilot' mode and binge on their object of addiction for hours and while they're in this altered mental state they find relief because they are feeling no pain while binging. Part of your recovery will involve identifying which of these processes are you taking advantage of and then replace it with a healthier alternative.

Often porn/sex addiction is unrelated to the number of times we have sex with our wives. Addiction is an emotional problem, not a sexual one. People who have a porn/sex addiction think that more sex will solve the problem, or we might wish our wives would be more (fill in the blank), but even when we get exactly what we want our addiction does not diminish or go away. I wish you success on your journey.

 

Hey forreallife, welcome and thanks for sharing. My addiction has been similar to yours, sometimes I would look every day sometimes there would be a few days or a week or so in between. Usually just to watch for a couple minutes, come, and then move on, though there have been times in my lief where I binged as well. I'm also married, and have a wife with lower sex drive. I talked to my wife a while back when I decided to face the addiction head on, and told her that it's something I've struggled with for a long time. She was extremely supportive, and even told me that if we needed to have sex more since I was giving up my other "outlet" that she would try to accommodate.