60 day challenge / Lost myself and ready to get it back.

I discovered this forum 2 weeks now, and I joined it 3 days ago.. I'm 22 yo, and I was PMO years but I wasn't addicted to it I wasn't even aware that I was M while doing it, I was doing it probably 1 in two months maximum when I was 17 or 18.. But I lost control exactly one year and two months now and I couldn't get myself back since then. The longest time I went without PMO in the past year is 1 week, every time -right after I finish M- i said to myself to quit and start and fight to stop it,
but I fail every single time.. I had depression and fail my senior year in college because of it, this year was literally the worst year of my life.. I cry every time I collapse, and I feel that I lost myself and I need to get back the person I was before starting PMO..

I'm in my second day now without PMO, and I feel great. I know it's going to get harder and harder in the next two months but I believe things are going to get easier after that, I just need to find myself again and embrace it forever.

 

Thanks for the support man.. This is just a hard period of time in our lives, and we are going to pass through it.

 

Thank you @iHappy for the comment and the support, I had read all the threads you suggested and understand what you mean. And to be honest with you I have deep down a challenge of 30 days to achieve, and then complete the 60 days if I felt better by the end of 30 because I know i'm going to need a bigger motive not to colapse after these 30 days and get back to where i started from ( and the longest i've been without PMO is 11 days, that's what I reffered to by a week ).. I'm reading your and other member's daily journal for more motivation and I'm doing the same. Thanks again @iHappy

 

DAY 3: DONE

Today was fine, I had a headache but not so bad ( I often have severe headaches to the point that I can't do anything, but sleep and then feeling good after waking up ). I wasn't home alone though, and that what helped me so much today.. I didn't thought about M at all, and felt physically ok. I know things are going to get harder, but I think I'm mentally prepared for them more than ever.

PS: I had a strange feeling today.. I didn't believe I'm the person who is addicted and felt like I left my body years ago, and then coming back today to find that the person who I am today is another person and not me at all, it's hard to explain what I felt exactly, but it's like if my soul today return to my body and found it to be addicted, but the soul is still pure and clean.. I loved that feeling tho, because I thought I can live without PMO forever..