1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Couldn't perform multiple times with recent-ex?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Vroom296, Aug 19, 2016.

  1. Vroom296

    Vroom296 Fapstronaut

    24
    10
    3
    Hey guys,

    I'm new to this, and the reason I came is because I've been having huge issues performing with a couple girls this past year. The first time we considered it I was totally fine, but it seems like once all our clothes come off I kinda just stop? We were both virgins and dated in high school and were each other's first kiss/everything else.

    With this girl, we tried it again back in December because we were both 23 and were really into each other, and I couldn't and she asked if it was her and it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to deal with. She was also studying abroad and came back to visit for that week, so we didn't get a chance to for awhile after.

    Forward a bit, I visited her in the UK and we tried again, and this time the same thing happened. We were both naked and she really wanted to but I couldn't so I kissed her until she was good. Anyway, soon after we got into some arguments over it and leaving was a little awkward.

    Forward to now, I've more or less been PMO-ing for, well, years now. Maybe every other day? And I think that's the cause of it. I was in a situation where a girl I met and went on two dates with came by to watch a tv show and started taking her clothes off, and I considered having sex then too but the same issue happened and I thought that time it was because I was sleepy and not expecting it.

    Anyway, I was freaking out about the whole situation and the girl I was in a long-distance relationship with talked to me on the phone and mentioned another guy confessed that he liked her and she was considering dating him. Afterwards, I started complaining about the whole PMO situation and not being able to have sex with her to a mutual friend, and that mutual friend told her she knew about it and my ex got pissed off and we stopped talking.

    So, I shared something I shouldn't have while stressed out about it, and I do think porn is part of this. We may have broken up eventually either way, but not being able to have sex after a 2 year relationship is unacceptable. I've tried to stop watching it but it's a little harder than expected, and I think I got into some weird stuff that completely desensitized me over the past couple years.

    So here I am now, I miss my ex but I think I may have burned that bridge, she's also going to keep living abroad and will probably have her first time with the other guy. I've been fairly (really) depressed thinking of that recently, since we've partly wanted to since we originally dated in high school.

    We got into a bit of an argument and she said she misses me as her best friend and she's mad at me for sharing intimate details and she really needs space, so I stopped talking to her.

    I suppose I have to move on from her, but any advice on what to do now? I assume I should stop watching porn, although it's easier said than done. Also, I do play a PS4 game online lots and it may cause stress, since I seem to watch porn after playing it usually. Should I try to stop playing it? Any advice would be helpful.
     
    Meursault and Meshuga like this.
  2. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

    2,126
    3,830
    143
    #1. At your age, you should be able to have sex at the drop of a proverbial hat. You, my young friend, have Porn Induced Erectile Disfunction (PIED).

    #2. If you are attempting to make a conscious decision to not look at porn, but look at it anyway, you are probably addicted.

    #3. Talking about your girlfriend's sex life behind her back is a symptom of being inexperienced in life, not porn. It's sad, we can't be mature, loving, sensitive and perfect from the beginning. Live and learn, apologize to her for being an ass, and bring that lesson into your next relationship.

    In the meantime, read up on porn addiction at yourbrainonporn. Get a tracker bar, set a goal, start a journal and write every day. This helps you to be mindful, to stick with it, and keeps a record so you can remind yourself of how far you have come. Read how others are dealing with their addiction, and try to identify triggers in your own life. You already found one in your game. If it's causing that much stress, it isn't worth it.

    Welcome to NoFap.
     
  3. Meursault

    Meursault Fapstronaut

    68
    24
    8
    Meshuga likes this.
  4. Vroom296

    Vroom296 Fapstronaut

    24
    10
    3
    Interesting, seems I'll definitely need a reboot to go on. Apparently it causes depression as well? I guess this will generally help life. I posted in the accountability partner section and journal sections, so I should be pretty good. I'll prob avoid playing the competitive game I was into as well.

    I also did apologize to my ex multiple times, we didn't really have a sex life due to this issue so I didn't think I said anything too horrible. But I shouldn't have said anything at all so I get that. Thanks for reading and responding though.
     
    Meshuga likes this.

Share This Page