New to this

This is a major step for me. I have never belonged to any forums but have come here for help and support because I know I have an addiction I need to acknowledge and treat. Having browsed this site for the last 7 days I am beginning to understand the language to describe this addiction. So, here goes...
I am 53 and I suppose I've MO'd for as long as I can remember but when I analyse my behaviour what began as occasional visual stimulus from magazines when fantasies where not enough has developed into full reliance on what the Internet can provide. I have laboured under the impression that I have always been in control, that it has never affected my job, that I have never been into extreme stuff, that it has not cost me money or particularly affected my day to day functioning but that is to ignore my relationship with my wife and our lack of sexual intimacy, something I've been able to excuse because of the pressures of my job and the tiredness it induces. She doesn't know about my addiction and it is the shame of lying to her and effectively cheating on her that kills me more than anything.
When I reflect on my life I have rebooted loads of times, the most recent 18 months ago when I went for nearly 3 months without PMO. I switched on all the safety features on my router but eventually when I gave in started finding social media sites that provided my need, eventually giving in, switching the filters off and going back to my old habits.
This time it feels different. I am on day 7 of abstinence, am keeping a journal, recognising the signs and really believe this is different. First off, I've joined this group which is an incredible step forward for me. I will need support and while I realise my wife should be the major partner in this, I just can't do it at the moment. However, if I've got this far it will only be a matter of time before I acknowledge to her what I'm admitting to myself.
This week I have been sorely tempted many times but 7 days in, I have survived. I have almost felt sick sometimes but am learning to read the signs and the triggers and think I'm getting my life back. I want a full sexual relationship with my wife and need to abstain totally from PMO. I do not think I'll be ready for that for a while yet because my brain is wired to porn stimulus but that is my target before it's too late. I look forward to the help and support you can all give me.

 

You are right. It is up to me. Thanks for your comment and good luck to you.