Starting 30 Day Challenge

Hang in there. Do your best not to masturbate.

 

What I like about this approach is that if you do mess up, you just restart. Don't hold it over your head and feel bad about it. Just mark an new day 1.

 

Just checked the calendar. On Day 18!!! Holy cow!!!

 

Good morning everybody. Well, I made it today 20. I really didn't look at porn, but I'm going to be honest. I did chat with someone I've talked to before, and exchanged some pictures. The good thing was, I didn't masturbate. Also, I could have acted out as I'm out of town and alone. Well, I think it sucks that I made it so far and failed, but it's also good that I made it so far. I think that's the longest I've made it for quite a while without looking at real porn (I looked at craigslist last night, and even though it's not porn per se, I'm counting it as such). If I look at my record over the past few months, it's obvious that Saturday night is my crisis point. Now, this weekend, I'm out of town because my mom is in the hospital, and I'm at her place and getting ready to bring her home. Obviously a stressor, and I discovered that when I'm under stress one good way to feel better, well not a good way, but a fast way, is porn or chat. So, with the stress, being really really tired, and the drive across the state, it's no wonder that I relapsed. But one things I'm telling myself, is that for god's sake, I'm human. and I am prone to mistakes. It's also pretty much part of my pattern that I don't use the resources that are available to me. I'm in a 12 step program, and I don't contact people who would be willing to help me. I also didn't use the emergency button here, the panic button. Nor did I make any posts on the site. The way I look at it, is while what I did sucks, I at least didn't let it escalate. On a continuum or scale from 1 to 100 I was probably at 40. But at least I didn't go to 60 or 70 or 80 or 90. So I'll start again. And I'll try to use my resources both here and in other places that can help me. So here's to making it 20 days, and here's to restarting my 30 day challenge!