Almost shead a few tears...

Took a cold shower earlier(which are helping so so much), they always are a brisk slap in the face to stop being so needy and toughen me up. But during i got hit with a rush of emotion and started what i will call dry crying, crying with no tears. Sounds like its not good but for me its exactly what im looking for. I havent cried for many many years, and it felt so good. Even though i didnt get full release of tears and all that. It was progress. It sparks from the complete numb state p has left me for the past 8 or 9 years. I dont feel emotions like a person anymore, when i use to be a rather affectionate and caring person. Now i am shallow and heartless and it makes me sick. My mind still knows how to love but my heart does not. I can think love but i cannot feel it anymore. It leads to having good people in my life but lacking any deeper friendships because of lack of emotions. So leaves me pretty empty and lonely. Just got to my 7 day goal pmo free. Now starting a 90 day counter. I want to be myself agin.

 

Yes so true, p has always left me rather viod of emotions or feeling anything at all really. Which from the outside could appear tough, but reall it is the opposite it is just numb. You gain no strength or benifit from pmo but rather just deadened to everything, so like you said it is almost humbling to have the cold water hit you and actually have somthing that gives you discomfort. Other than that, nothing can reach through the wall i have built up through pmo. Thanks for the reply, gained a little more insight into it.

 

Agreed, same here. I may need a bulldozer myself haha but i will do whatever it takes to get through it and break through to the other side. And i can tell you are pretty sincere, you will make it to my friend! Just keep on swinging away!