PMO meets High Functioning Autism or Aspergers (trying to find others to relate to)

Welcome. I'm going to tag @Fallior. He is NOT diagnosed with autism/aspergers, but we recently had a conversation about it and he took an online assessment that pointed to signs. He's not able to seek a diagnosis currently. Perhaps the two of you can help each other.

 

Yes, I am very interested.

 

Well, I'm really not sure. I was asked to check out this 1 website to see if I answered yes to anything and this was what I said. Was wondering how similar you were with those answers and what you thought.


difficulty making friends of the same age, children with AS may feel more comfortable with adults or much younger children
-YES

engages in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is still listening or trying to change the subject
-I am usually more of a listener, unless it's with someone like my mom, then I tend to talk a lot, but I don't think they are ever long winded.

displays unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
-YES

does not empathize with or seems insensitive to others’ feelings and has a hard time “reading” other people or may have difficulty understanding humor
-Maybe. Sometimes I just don't know how to comfort them and feel uncomfortable.

doesn’t understand the give-and-take of conversation or engage in “small talk”
- I actually don't know what this means.

seems egocentric or self-absorbed
-YES. I do tend to feel that if someone has a different opinion than me, then they are wrong even though I know opinions can't be right or wrong. And I can sometimes argue for hours online with people for even the smallest things.

may speak in a voice that is monotone, rigid, jerky or unusually fast
-Not really sure, I don't listen to myself

may be extremely literal or have difficulty understanding the nuances of language, despite having a good vocabulary
-Again, no idea what this means :/

----------------------------------

may have an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects
-Yep. Currently computer/video games. Have not found anything else that interests me at all.

may strongly prefer repetitive routines or rituals and becomes upset at any small changes
-Rarely. I actually tend to want to do different things

may memorize information and facts easily, especially information related to a topic of interest
-Not random facts or anything, but for example, in a game i'm interested in, I can sometimes only have to go through an area once to memorize exactly how to get there and where to go.

may have clumsy, uncoordinated movements, an odd posture or a rigid gait
-Maybe, not sure

may perform repetitive movements, such as hand or finger flapping
-Yep

may engage in violent outbursts, self-injurious behaviors, tantrums or meltdowns
-I can go weeks or months without being angry or anything. But then can sometimes go an entire week or 2 straight where I can become angry very easily. I tend to punch the computer screen or even my own forehead until it becomes very sore. I've also broken a computer mouse and tv remote. As a child, I used to hit my grandma quite a lot, and even hit her with objects, which to this day I still feel bad about.

may be hypersensitive to sensory stimulation such as light, sound, and texture
-Not usually

may “day dream” or “zone out” when overstimulated
-Yes

 

Hey, welcome to the forum. I have not been officially diagnosed but my wife has done extensive research on the subject. For years I denied I had any problems with porn or my behavior. She was able to put her finger on several behaviorial things I've done that lines up with that diagnosis. I, too, took the online surveys and scored high. Even though I don't have an official diagnosis, I probably have it, but no one would ever guess.

I believe that our condition makes us more prone to porn addiction. Dealing with images is easier than dealing with real live people... no small talk required or having to deal with awkward situations. We tend to fixate on things that we enjoy... video games, computer things, and eventually porn. We might have sensory preferences... real life sex can feel too 'messy' for us... PMO allows us to perfectly construct our surroundings for maximum pleasure. We are used to spending hours doing the same things that interest us, so when we spend hours binging on porn it doesn't seem abnormal to us. Many relationship problems with my wife can be tied to my being inwardly focused... I can miss a lot of social cues, say insensitive things, take things too literally, be emotionally distant, have trouble if my attention is divided, mess up my priorities, etc. And when I fail at being a good husband porn used to be there to comfort me and make me feel better.

So, after 25 years of being an addict I have broken away from my dependence on porn. I still have problems in my relationships... some of them is fallout from my addiction, but some of them is because of my condition.

 

Wow, your post actually gives me confirmation about my own nonofficial diagnosis. What I do all day long is stay on the computer. Doing anything else like chores or anything make me frustrated, more than a typical person does, because it keeps me away from the computer. I really want a job, but i get so much anxiety when actually thinking about getting one. Like for example, a store job, I'd probably be okay for a bit, but if a customer were to come up to me and ask questions I'd freak out. Not sure if that's this or social anxiety. I also HATE talking on the phone, even with my own family, texting or whatever on the computer is fine though. Makes things a lot easier, gives me time to come up with a response and all that.

What really sucks is that things have gotten worse since that start of this year. All of a sudden I started experiencing A LOT of anxiety, ever since I got my first girlfriend in multiple years. Every time she came over, I'd get sick and throw up, but when she left I'd be okay after a few hours, or the next day. After the 3rd time she broke up with me. But ever since then, a similar anxiety to that followed me. I even feel like throwing up at the movie theatre now. And I freak out so badly at the dentist when I was always completely fine with the dentist before hand. I also had a panic attack where I had to go to the ER because it felt like I was having a heart attack. A lot of chest pressure. However, that chest pressure wound up staying with me for over a month before it finally went away. No idea what caused it and no idea why it finally went away, I'm just glad it did. My teeth chatter and my chest still tightens up with any anxiety now, my at least that chest pressure thing hasn't come back yet.

Sorry for going off on a tangent there. I meant to only stay on topic, but that reminded me of what happened and I still have no idea what it is. Is this anxiety issue separate or together. Do I have aspergers AND an anxiety disorder or are these just possible effects from aspergers? I don't know but I just want to be able to deal with it like a normal person. Hell, I just got done watching a movie where I had to pause and walk around at the suspenseful part because it was starting to increase my anxiety and my teeth were chattering and it was harder to breath, and it wasn't even a horror movie.

 

Okay, yeah. Your answers definitely make me worry as it does seem like I'm more likely to have a form of it now. What sucks is that I'm currently uninsured and would not be able to get a diagnosis for a long while. Yet my stepdad apparently makes JUST enough to where I cannot get help for low income. Sucks that they don't take debt into consideration when looking at income.
And what you said there about seeming to lack empathy or being insensitive. I actually just made a thread a few weeks ago asking about this. I wound up pointing a physical flaw out on my mom without thinking that it would upset her, and when I thought about it, it definitely wasn't the first time I've ever done it either. And of course my intention is not negative in any way, I just somehow don't think they would take what I say negatively even though common sense would tell you they would.
And what you said here "in this context people diagnosed don't usually have well rounded and balanced brains, particular areas are more developed and specialised whereas others are consequently under-developed and below average"
Do you think this would include memory? As my memory is not very good at all with certain things when it used to (as far as I remember).
I think the messed up thing for me is that I sometimes feel like I am 2 people. 2 completely different people, combined into 1. I can have the uncaring side and the nice sensitive loving side.
And I actually do not have my own cell phone, so I would not be able to use an app or anything :/

 

Yeah I agree it does sound like we have more and more in common and could help each other. You can feel free to message me on this site any time at least. I mean, it might be harder for you I don't know, but at least it's something.
And yeah I understand what you mean. Question: Do you think the PMO habit and aspergers both work against each other? What I mean by that is, porn making our symptoms worse, but our symptoms also possibly making it harder for us to quit out habits?
Idk, it was just something I was thinking about.

 

Yeah. Hello, there, then. Same boat, here. Except for the fact that I'm 32, struggling since I was 12.

I've tried talking-support-groups before, but I could never connect with what they were saying. Their talk of feelings, anger, motivations, etc. didn't make the least bit of sense to me. I was stuck with porn because I had to and because I do and because I can't not do. And every time I met them I left feeling more confused than before.

It's great to read what you wrote. It's how I feel, and I hope it helps you knowing there are other Aspies (good grief I hate that now that I wrote it) who do think the same. You're right. It seems that nothing else quite de-stresses us. And I would say that nothing else does de-stress us *in such an acute manner*. But of course, we are looking for lasting change, lasting relationships, lasting patterns that we can use to soothe ourselves, not just the momentary fix.

Maybe I'm rambling. Typing isn't my strong point.

But this is my first post here.

So hi.

 

I just started researching Aspergers and pornography and found some interesting connections.

From Psychology Today:
We know people with autism have greater-than-normal brain plasticity, which makes us more ‘changeable” than ordinary folks. It can also make us more sensitive to change in response to stimulus. Whatever you feel about porn, everyone agrees its stimulus can be powerful indeed and for a susceptible mind that can spell trouble—more so than for a neuro-typical person.

Studies have looked at brain areas that are activated when viewing porn, and compared those findings with responses from people who have actual physical sex. Viewing porn—neurologically speaking—can take the place of sex, even for people in physical relationships. For an autistic person who cannot form relationships in real life, porn could easily become more compelling than the desire to be with a real-life girlfriend.

From Psychcentral.com:
However the reference to autism intrigued me because I have noticed that some sex addicts who have great difficulty staying abstinent from internet pornography also seem to have some symptoms of high functioning autism or Asperger’s Disorder. They have trouble with social relating, trouble understanding social/emotional cues, are obsessive and may have special talents.

People with Aspergers are known for developing special interests or fixations, noticed what this guy wrote:
I’ve been studying sex for as long as I know. One of the best nights of my life was when I found out there was a talk show about sex on between midnight and 1 am on the radio. I think I was in grade school at the time. I listened almost every day for years. Sadly, by high school, this obsession morphed into a porn addiction as well, though, even then, I was far more interested in learning new techniques than in the eroticism of it.

People with Aspergers can have feelings of loneliness and isolation and can turn to the sex addiction for comfort... notice what this doctor has noticed about some of her patients:
In my practice, I have seen many folks who admit to having been diagnosed with Aspergers and finding the internet has helped them get up the courage to act out. It helps them with their isolation and they feel understood when in a chat room.

I'll also include this link on 'Intimacy and Romance in NT-AS Relations' because it was very insightful. I don't want to create an 'it's harder for us to quit than anyone else' vibe but I think it's important to understand our vulnerabilities and take that into account when we try to fight back and try to get clean.

 

This has all been pretty enlightening stuff, gonna follow this thread closely. Thanks for posting everything.

I'm pretty certain I'm somewhere on the spectrum though never had an official diagnosis. Like you mentioned @BrainChemistry_AboveAll some of the more insidious aspects of AS get amplified with increased PMO use. I've noticed I used to have a pretty strong short term memory- I think I developed it from writing long music via rote memorization (you can very much practice and sharpen this skill)- but it's gotten a lot worse in the last few years that I haven't been making music.

As far as social situations go these can be tricky. I managed to make long term friends in high school and college, through whatever good fortune. However I've been doing post-grad on the other side of my country for the last few years and haven't made any real relationships at school. Consequently, a lot of the negative symptoms of PMO addiction have increased noticeably. Also, social skills die off if you don't use them, I think it's more a feature of AS. I used public speaking clubs to gain confidence in high school and rode that wave for a while, so I think I took it for granted that these skills can also dull if you don't use them regularly, at least for AS people it would seem.

Also never really developed a relationship which makes PMO more addictive. While I've seen a lot of forum posts of people with AS mentioning they've gone on to have marriages, I wonder if it's common for AS people to struggle starting relationships in the first place? I'm decently attractive and have had several women interested over the years, but always found myself unable to communicate how I feel or really know what to ask for in the first place.

And one more thing. I've never had any reaction to death. I've experienced the death of a few people I've known well in my life and their deaths never really impacted me in any discernible way. I just don't feel anything, not necessarily cold or apathetic. It's as if nothing happened at all. It makes me feel a bit alien, so I'm wondering if that's just another aspect of AS.

Sorry, don't mean to go on about myself. Figured (and was hoping) some of you might relate. Having AS and PMO addiction side by side seems like it's own bag of shit. But it seems increasingly obvious that accepting and understanding yourself is paramount.

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/solution-for-this-problem.86370/
Help me

 

Is it just me or do the symptoms of hf asbergers and adult adhd seem pretty similar. I was convinced that my issues were an adhd diagnosis but there are so many similarities with adhd. Crap lol. Maybe I'm cursed with both lol.

 

I do.