Day 33 no PM

Hey Everyone,
I quit looking at porn and wanking it 33 days ago. Been looking at porn since i was 11. I'm 41 now. Started fapping at 13. It's always been so socially acceptable. I knew it was a problem though.
I've never had ED, but its been a time-consuming and shameful daily habit for a long time now. At least once a day. Sometimes more. Lots of edging. You could call me the Edgemaster. Vape weed and edge for up to 2-3 hrs sometimes. It was fucking awesome!! But i knew it was wrong. I quit drinking 5 years ago. I lift, bike, play lots of sports. I've dated several different women over the last few years. Overall my life is pretty good. But i knew that i was spending too much time in the wankpit.
I decided to stop for a few days. Then i found out about NoFap and YBOP. Did a ton of reading on the forums, watched videos, read more.
All of the success stories really inspired me to see what kind of person i might be after 90-120-180 days of not watching porn or masturbating. I've been doing it pretty much every day for 28 years!! Maybe it does fuck w my brain. All that heavy dopamine on the neurons. I got really curious. What if i've been fucking myself all this time? All these guys on the forums talking about how their lives have improved. Maybe i could improve mine.
People always talk about quitting cigarettes, weed, booze, junk food, painkillers, etc, etc.. Not that many people say, "i'm gonna quit porn and see if i notice any positive changes".
So I stuck to it and i'm at Day 33. The first week was cool, excited to be doing something different with my life. Week 2 SUCKED!!
Felt like crying. Felt super negative. Felt horny. Crazy morning wood. Horny for women though. I didn't really crave porn. I craved pussy! I'm like, "fuck porn". I've watched enough porn to last multiple lifetimes. I wanna see what my brain is like when i don't stare at unnatural super stimulus for hours a day X 3 decades.
Then i'd have a good day. Feeling aggressive. Positive. Then a few shitty mood days. But again never really a heavy craving for porn after the first day. I can sit in my boxers w my laptop on lap laying on my couch (like i did so many times with my dick out) and some sexy pics might come up on some random website and i'm like, "oh ya, thatshot, what else is on here?". It's like i could care less for fake T n A now. I'm definitely less sensitized to provocative imagery online and tv.
It actually feels weird to think that i'd spend that much time w my dick out, eyes all bugged out staring at pixels of people fucking. Weird right?
But when i was trapped in that state i felt it was so natural and the idea of going even a few days without seemed like completely unnecessary and cruel torture.
I'm not noticing any real "superpowers". Voice not deeper. Not super confident. Women aren't throwing themselves at me (instant dated a girl on the street yesterday and banged another one at night, but nothing really out of the ordinary). I'm not super motivated. Still playing video games and wasting time online.
I am vaping less weed though. I'm also craving sweets less which is cool and totally unexpected. Strengthening of the pre-frontal cortex and willpower is a supposed benefit of not looking at porn and i do feel like i can stay away from weed n sweets more now.
I definitely have a lot more time on my hands. Been meditating. Visualizing positive things happening in my life.
But no i haven't noticed any real "superpowers" that many fapstronauts talk about after abstain for 33 days. I have been looking at porn for 3 decades though so i can't expect my brain to heal after only a month. I'm ready to try 90-180 plus days. I actually think i'm done with porn. Maybe i'll have a memory bank wank after 180 days but i don't think i'll be watching any tube.
Hopefully i notice some positive changes after 60-90 days. If not, at least i can be happy that i kicked the time-wasting habit of playing with my dick every day in order to feel ok.
If anyone has any info on how long it might take me to reboot, i'd appreciate any input.
Cheers

 

Man, on my bad days.. it was tough, but i'd just tell myself to be strong. I had 2 days this past weekend where i didn't leave the apartment much cuz was rainy out. They were really hellish. I felt like a weight was on my chest. I was having some strong "pain body" attacks. It was like every second of every day was painful to be alive. Really shitty stuff. I was in a brutal mood and felt super negative about my life and future.
When i went to bed the 2nd night i told myself this had to stop. I can't be hating life until i reboot or else it's gonna feel like forever (if i ever do reboot).
I laid in bed and started to cry. It felt really good to. I then meditated. Stopped thinking. Did some Eckart Tolle meditation techniques and started to feel really good and calm. I visualized positive things and kept saying out loud, "i feel awesome, i am awesome. I feel amazing. i am amazing".
i got myself into a really peaceful, calm state. Told myself i was gonna wake up and feel awesome and have an awesome day. And i did. I met a girl on the street the next day and we went on a 2 hour instant date. Then that night i messaged another girl i hooked up with once a couple years ago and she came over and let me hit it.
Today i feel great.
So i guess my short answer would be meditation. But earlier in the day when i felt shitty i hadn't been able to focus enough to meditate very deeply. I just felt like shit and just powered through it. I tell myself i won't always feel like this. I read the forums a lot.
I think sometimes u just gotta be strong and know that it sucks now but it won't always.
I started taking curcumin again 5 days ago and that also seems to help with my mood. Hope this helped @Nirrad90 and congratulations on Day 6!

 

i can get hard holding a girls hand. Never had a problem with ED. I only mentioned ED because it seems to be a common problem and a major reason for lots of guys to consider quitting porn. I quit porn cuz its a huge time waste and i'm curious if i can enjoy the benefits of abstaining from it after being a habitual user for decades.

 

The flatlines.. Sexually i don't think i ever really had any. I notice i haven't been as much of a horny perv as i was back in the heavy porn days but i still get turned on by women in the street. No boners or anything but i'm still interested when i see a hottie. I was on a date w a girl on Day 8 and i was super engaged. We held hands and i had to cover my boner as were walking. I had to "discreetly" tuck it into my waistband as we walked LOL

As for an emotional flatline.. I hear guys sometimes saying they don't feel much of anything, no ups and downs just kinda blah. With me i get days where i feel good and days where i feel super weak, but no flatlines emotionally. Right now i'm riding a good streak.

Today is Day 34 no PM and i feel great. I biked about 20 km and did a lot of socializing at work and felt calm, in the moment, spontaneous.

As for a significant other i don't have one at the moment. I banged a girl 2 nights ago who may become a regular f-buddy. The next day i felt kinda drained (no pun..) but that previous day i had walked about 17 km and then stayed up w her banging so that might explain it. My mood was awesome though.. cuz i had just banged a hot girl after not blowing my load for 32 days!! duh LOL

And ya today i feel good too so i don't think getting some ass affected me negatively in any way. If anything i'm stoked i got some. They say we experience benefits when having sex w someone that we don't experience when we're just jerking off. And having sex w someone doesn't reduce your brain's grey matter which supposedly heavy porn use does.

So i'm gonna keep trying to get laid and stay away from P and M. U can't deny the fact that if you're getting some from attractive women, that you're gonna feel pretty damn good. Then one could argue what's sex addiction and what's a healthy sex life? I figure if you're happy and healthy just keep doing what you're doing

 

Wow felt like total shit yesterday. Pervasive negative thoughts. Got into an argument w a customer at work. Not good. Felt brain fog all day. Felt like crying. Shitty eye contact. Anger. Frustration. Hopeless feeling. Sad. Cancelled a family dinner cuz did not want to deal w traffic or people.

Went to bed forced my brain to STFU. Meditated in bed. Calmed right down. Actually felt peaceful. Had a great sleep and woke up feeling much better.

If anyone is going through these PMO withdrawal pains i highly recommend meditation and presence exercises. I feel much better today. Much calmer.

Day 38 is going to be much better than day 37.

Stay strong guys.