Where do I start

I have been fapping since... I was around 12 years old I think. It has been almost 9 years now and I don't think I ever made it more than 2 days without doing it (except in some rare cases when I was on a longer trip). I don't think I ever had a wet dream in my life, since I was unloading it couple of times per day it is logical that a wet dream wasn't possible (the system was dry).

As I discovered porn as a kid I can remember that the stuff I watched was pretty normal. Nowadays?

Well from watching the regular stuff I eventually started watching more hardcore stuff, to the point where I completely got turned off by professional porn and turned to amateur, voyeur, humiliations, real rapings, gropings, etc.

And eventually I started browsing shock sites where you can only find gore, mutilations, executions, beheading, car accidents, Mexican cartels, muslim extremists etc.

I lost all but some tiny bit of empathy towards anyone. I enjoy cruelty, sadism and masochism.

To tell you the truth I think I am a mental case and that I should contact a shrink but I simply can't share this with anyone eye to eye so I seek help in this wide world of the internet where I can be anonymous. I think the roots of my problem lie in excessive masturbation and I seek help.

Well, this is my story in short. If you have any questions ask away.

Thank you for reading.

 

I will try. How do you deal with the panic attacks? I start shaking and seating and I start to feel really cold from the inside.

I recently quit smoking (after 3 years of doing that shit) and you have no idea how it feels when you are trying to get rid of two addictions at once.

 

It has been 1 day and now I have a strong urge to do it.. To tell you the truth quitting smoking is so easy compared to this. I feel like I will explode if I don't do it. And watching and reading stuff won't help.

 

I failed by the way (need to change the counter but it's not working)

And it was a terrible day (raining) and I have to study for finals so going out is out of the question