1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

How to be confident in the class (esp. in the company of girls)?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by TheRevenant, Sep 19, 2016.

  1. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    I'm 20 and a student which is most of the time nervous to talk in the class. It's like every time I'm about to say something, the words just don't get out and it's like my mouth gets locked down. Sometimes I could have said sth funny but I didn't and lost the chance to make others laugh and even sometimes when professor asks a question and I know the answer, I would wait so long till sb else would say it. That's a terrible feeling and after class, I'm like eating myself inside out. I think maybe it's mostly because I'm kinda nervous in the company of girls and afraid to say sth stupid and not funny. I'm so obsessed about what others think of me. That is srsly holding me back from showing what I've got to others and the prof..

    Can u guys give me some tips so I can use them to build up my confidence and just be my real self.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. gorilla1001

    gorilla1001 Fapstronaut

    56
    75
    18
    Women are people too, don't fear another person (unless they're Superman...). If you're waiting for a perfect situation you'll die before it comes. If you want to build your confidence, try talking to people in your vicinity, and give yourself a pep talk before you attempt something you find nerve wracking.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    That's great technique but just having the balls to go for that is the question. Mostly I'm afraid of rejection even after a pep talk.
    Thx for the tip and I definitely put to good use.
     
  4. Dr.NoFap

    Dr.NoFap Fapstronaut

    99
    69
    43
    Curious: How long have you NoFapped?
     
  5. @TheRevenant
    I like your name, what a good film :)
    You shouldn't care about what others think of you. It does not matter because any opinions you think they may have are invalid, because they are humans like you, and they are no better or superior.
    I read somewhere a while ago that instead of planning in our head what we are going to do or say next in a conversational situation, we should instead actually listen and be interested in the person speaking to us. You don't need to think of something funny to say because you are naturally a funny person. Once you stop worrying about everything, the funniness will just flow.

    In my experience, their is no feeling quite so good as being in a conversation and feeling completely safe and comfortable. It doesn't often happen because I too am introverted. But to get anywhere I had to take action and step out. Like, I had to be uncomfortable in order to become comfortable.

    I really hope, actually I know you can overcome this, and display to everyone how smart, funny, thoughtful and interesting you are through everything you say and do. :)
     
  6. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

    346
    545
    93
    It will sound strange but try to start making small talk. Use those random human encounters that you have every day to build your confidence in social situations. Start talking to the barista at the coffee shop. Not a long conversation, just say "Hi, how are you?" It'll feel really weird when you start but after a while you'll get a "what's the worst that can happen" attitude to it. If you can get in and start the small talk then it'll also make you feel less uncomfortable when someone starts it with you. You may start to look forward to that interaction and in turn should start feeling more confident in other social situations.

    This is coming from someone who used to despise small talk. I actually quite like it now :D
     
  7. gorilla1001

    gorilla1001 Fapstronaut

    56
    75
    18
    Rejection is part of life. What you need to do is look at rejection as a lesson, an experience. Once you can do that, you won't fear rejection as much.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    I'm on day 44. Actually staying away from PMO this long has made some positive effects on my confidence and sociality.
     
  9. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    Thx man :).
    I really shouldn't care about what others think but almost always when I talk, I can hear some weak laughter from the girls and I don't know if I should look at it positively or not. I really like being funny and have made the girls laugh a few times but I can't keep it that way, it's like 1 day of the week, I'm really cool and energetic that I could make some jokes but the other days, I can't. I think the reason is my friend to some extent, cause he is very confident where he sits and always knows what to say in order to make the girls laugh, and that kinda stops me from participating in even simple class activities. I think now that he's gained this much popularity, then anything I say would look awkward to everyone, but when he is not in the class, I'm like more confident.(but I can say that I'm kinda more confident and cool when I'm facing the class and giving a presentation than him but when we're sitting it's like I don't wanna give it my whole.)
    And what u say about being funny is totally right, cause anyone could be funny, the thing is that u should be relax and comfortable and mostly without thinking too much just say what u think is funny.
    I used to be an introvert for sure but I'm sure that I no longer am but what I want is that I could be 100% comfortable in the class and don't overthink anything.
     
  10. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    Small talks could really work but the thing is that I don't go out too much and thus don't get the chance to interact with many people. I think that's one of the major reasons that I'm not confident enough cause I don't interact a lot but definitely what u say is right about feeling more comfortable when u start the conversation that when u don't. And if I can be that kind of guy then I would be absolutely looking forward these conversations by others.

    Hearing people's experiences that how they changed this issue in them is definitely very motivational for me. I can say " If he could do it then I can too."
    Thx for sharing them man.:)
     
  11. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    For sure but the thing is that I have almost never got the feeling of rejection and I'm really wanna be ready for it cause the first time could really hurt.
     
  12. gorilla1001

    gorilla1001 Fapstronaut

    56
    75
    18
    It will hurt but you need to remember, rejection is a part of life. You're not going to do everything perfectly the first time around.
     
    TheRevenant likes this.
  13. Flossy Carter

    Flossy Carter Fapstronaut

    278
    196
    43
    I used to be like that actually.
    My advice is just say it.
    Seriously, if you keep reciting it in your head before saying, you'll probably stumble over your words and especially if it's something funny
    As shia Labeouf says, just do it.
    Life's too short to be bullshitting and caring about others.
     
  14. "Rejection is a part of life"
    It's obvious but if we don't like how that sounds, we'll always be fearful. Life is pretty much a conglomeration of many many relatuonships. I don't just mean close or romantic relationships, but every interaction - every time we relate to someone else we cross paths with. Since relationships are between people, they're never perfect, because people aren't. Everyone is learning and getting better at relationships their entire life. And they learn by .. Yep you guessed it - investing themselves into relationships, and being prepared to mess up or be wronged by another person who is always learning.
    But if we don't want to make mistakes how can we learn to do life? We would be missing out on life essentially.
     
  15. your counter...
    you are going to live to 117? haha
     
  16. Flossy Carter

    Flossy Carter Fapstronaut

    278
    196
    43
    xD
    it's because I don't want to ever go back to porn, ever...
     
  17. Alrighty that's very very good. Make sure you stay true to your current conviction :)
     
  18. Aces

    Aces Guest

    You can still be rejected even if you do everything perfectly. Heck even if she is into you there is still the possibility she could reject you. Yet this shouldn't be looked at negatively. If we present ourselves and someone says "not interested", then why get upset? Why would we be mad? Is it because they wouldn't lead us on and waste our time? If we're looking for a genuine connection/relationship then we should thank those who give us a genuine answer.

    If we're just looking to get laid then we're going to do whatever is necessary to manipulate women, by telling them what they want to hear, in order to get into their panties, and this makes us no better than dogs.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    Exactly. My problem is that I care a lot about others. But I've changed a lot recently, I think I'm getting pretty well at it.
     
  20. TheRevenant

    TheRevenant Fapstronaut

    70
    2,794
    113
    I don't look at girls, like they're pieces of meat or means to satisfy ourselves, they're human beings like us and deserve respect, that's why I'm not into sex but just to be cool and have fun.
    I'm sure the girl is into me but I sometimes overthink the stuff I've done in front of her and scared if I've done sth stupid that would push her away. But I think overthinking stuff would definitely make us look stupid, that's why I think I shouldn't be obsessed about everything I do or say BUT just be Myself, so if she wants it then she would take it and if she doesn't ,well I shouldn't waste my time thinking about the matter and just move on and think about my own life.
     

Share This Page