I want to be free

I am new to this , I am hoping this will help me . I have so much to give and offer . And I have have been livin my life for the past few years in denial . I realize now I have a major problem . I am tired of the cycle . thanks for listening

 

Last night was tempting for some reason . However I pushed on through . I need to get back to my hobbies , and stay busy . Thanks for the support guys .

 

Last night was a struggle , found myself doing some searches again . I am thrilled I installed my filters

 

Interesting day . I find myself wasting a lot of time . I believe this one of my triggers . I procrastinate then become frustrated when the deadlines approach I feel stressed consequently , and the cycle begins . I realize I need to prioritize much better . Also I love this counter , with it's progress percentage . By the end of this weekend I will be at 15% closer to my goal . It makes it seem more attainable and reacable that way . Its just stringing each day together . For me , somehow it doesn't make it do daunting . I feel better today

 

Yesterday was a triumph . I was in a social setting , I was frustrated over a couple of things . Small things inconsequential events . However this time I was able to overcome those feeling by focusing on the positive conversations . Normally the stress would have caused me to masturbate or watch porn or both . However , I went home and went straight to bed . Woke up Early this morning refreshed . I received a pleasant from an old australian friend . Had a great conversation . I am thinking about going to australia next summer .Anyway I am so pleased I didn't give in that repetitive cycle .

Thanks for reading

 

Last night was a busy stressful night at my job . Came home began searching for images , normally would have lead to then searching for porn videos or M . But something was different this time . I felt accountability , I had made this goal .And I use K9 web browser , so I would have had to go unlock the other browser disable the restrictions . And that gave me time to pause and think . So after I would say 10 mins , I turned my phone off And went to bed . Although I wish I wouldn't have looked at the images . I am so glad I stopped when I did instead of starting a porn binge ,which would have lasted an hour or two, or MORE .

 

Golly ! Last night was stressful at work , or again was it ? I question myself about the stress level , because we have all have a choice . We can can chose to ALLOW something to effect us or we can simply brush it off . Sometimes it's a matter of WHO has said something or done something that gets under our skin . Two people could say/do the exact samething . However depending on whom it comes from can effect how we react . Either we could get irritated or laugh to ourselves . So that's what I learned about last night . Don't focus so much on who is saying or doing something that's bothering me . But rather examine the content or action . And react accordingly . And always find the humor in the little things .

 

Today was a great day . I still have some brain fog that I have read effects many for maybe a couple of weeks and longer . However I have some fantastic mediation sessions . I have been reflecting on things much deeper than I have in a while . This may seem strange but my brain feels , literally feels more active . Today at work was very succesful . They gave me more responsibility and talked about me being a bartender in the future . in fact I did some training today for an hour and change . Customers reacted well to me working behind the bar . I can't believe the way I feel compared from a week ago .

Thanks for reading

 

Last night I went on a binger . Now I must ask myself how did it happen ? What steps lead up to me losing control . I know alcohol contributed to it . I have come this realization . I need to stay away from drinking beers late at night . Totally impaired my judgement.

 

I have recently decided to keep my phone in my car at night . For a couple of reasons 1. To not watch porn at night 2. Not waste time on useless social network sites 3. Gives me more time to read .
So far has been an execellent choice .

 

Last night was challenging . Its very challenging not to relapse AGAIN after a recent relapse where there had been a long streak . However I am so pleased I have been leaving my phone in my car . It's definately prevented me from relapsing .

 

Damn! Relapsed again ! This is getting discouraging

 

Almost 4 days now . Although I have had some relapses . I wholeheartedly believe I have made progress in my daily habits . For one I am much more organized and structured . I don't waste time like I used to . Also I have gone to the extreme and removed wifi from my house . I am very serious about beating this addiction . I think this will alleviate some stress . Just the knowledge that I CANT watch porn in my house has relaxed me .

 

Almost 5 days now . I feel a huge load lifted off my shoulders . Mainly because I have removed wifi access to my house . And I don't have phone signal . My confidence is coming back . Had a wonderful time with my new fiend today . We are talking about going to australia together or perhaps Sweden . Its a wonderful thought . Stay strong everyone . I wish everybody a clean and free day

 

So last night was a struggle , but I pushed on through . I am at 7 days now AGAIN , any suggestions how to get through the next week ?

 

so I have set my goal to two weeks since that seems to be the the breakthrough number for me