1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Letting Go of A Girl I Really Care For. Needing Help

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Arnold_Palmer, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. Arnold_Palmer

    Arnold_Palmer New Fapstronaut

    2
    0
    1
    So its a given im here because of an addiction to masturbation. But i need help.

    This girl is amazing. It started out the friendzone in highschool and she ended up marrying a puke and had a kid with him but thats irrelevant. Ive always had feelings for her and weve been in and out of each others lives a few times and had a lot of shit happen between us. Shes not married anymore and it gets interesting.

    PMO has made me emotionally numb. entirely. i dont enjoy the things i used to anymore and find life very boring, the only thing that entertains me is Youtube. Just because of the fact that by the time i get bored on a video theres another i can click and the cycle repeats.

    But since ive become numb its pushed my feelings for this girl so effing deep down that im convinced theyre not there and when i first see her after a year or so and just like the last time i tell her i cant be the guy that she needs, we start this process of seeing each other without feelings (at first). ive fapped at least 3 times a day since about the age of 15 and started fapping at 13-14. 22 years old now.

    Anyways so we start this process and with it comes confusion. because im getting my fix from her i quit masturbating and all the while im still emotionally numb convinced its from the sheit thats happened between us. but after a week or two i get these short flashes and phases of feelings for her that show through for brief moments. but ive always cared for her regardless of how things ended.

    ive started my reboot and its going to be a while before my dopamine levels are healthy and that i can have these feelings full time but heres where im hurting.
    shes moving on, again. like the last time. and i feel like im missing out this time, especially knowing that my problems with the numbness and anxiety and every other issue im having is coming from my addiction.

    shes about to start dating this guy again that she started dating after the last time we went around and im afraid its permanent this time and that im never going to have another opportunity and my chances are gone.

    the little boy inside me goes "hey no can you wait 3 months or how ever long it may take to me to get to a point where i feel stable to date you and provide you with the emotions you need". but the man that i am now knows that making somebody wait for something that may not even come is just that, childish and selfish.

    im being torn up inside and ive actually been crying because its hitting home and some of this numbness has lifted for this matter.

    how do i accept it and let go? because if i focus on the fact that oh she MAY come back ill never move on.

    but i dont want to let go because i know those feeling are deep deep down and that i havnt lost them just pmo has buried them in concrete.

    i cant date her right now because how could you be with someone while having to guess at any given moment whether or not they have feelings for you.

    i cant hurt her like that. any advice would help
     
  2. Arnold_Palmer

    Arnold_Palmer New Fapstronaut

    2
    0
    1
    You are right, i have no clue whether or not this is my mind trying to find another fix. i didnt even consider that being so caught up in this moment. I know i will meet many people and that she is not the "only" girl for me. ive just missed out many times before with her that i just feel this is my last chance thats going by and that its going to be permanent. im just scared. the dude shes dating isnt confident in himself so hes already on her facebook deleting me and when they make it official in 2 weeks he will ban her from me like the last time.
     
  3. theRegenerator

    theRegenerator Fapstronaut

    71
    63
    18
    Hey man. Let me say "Welcome to NoFap"!!! I know it hurts a lot. I've been through something similar too in my last year of life. I'm 19 and had PMOd since I was 12, 13. I was single for all my life until now too but there was this weird period in my life about September-October last year. I knew this girl for about 3 years already but we didn't really ever talk but we started talking in September last year. The thing was, I didn't really like her but talking can do so much, ya know.. I started to catch some feelings, she already liked me and we had some kind of a "thing". To this day, I have no fking idea what it was because she ended up leaving me for her ex about a month after I started to catch feelings. That period was pure gold to me. I felt better than even. I quit PMO voluntarily, I started to feel really motivated, not tired any more, my numbness was gone. We didn't had sex or anything.. Actually, we didn't even kiss but I was so into her... And then one day I find out she got back to her ex without telling me anything about it. I was like down in the pit of hell after that. Got into PMO again, I was looking for things to distract my attention with like intensive gaming, hard beat music, lots of porn and I was down in that pit for about 1 year.. Actually, just a month ago I question myself about how long will I still be like this? How long will I still grieve? She moved on quite easily and I was down there still crying my eyes and thinking how would I get her back. The thing is, she would've came back if she wanted to.. But she didn't.

    From what I experienced, my advice would be to set up your priorities straight. What do you want out of life, you are 22 already and PMO ate almost half of this time. It ate a lot of mine too but how much time are you willing to kill for your PMO addiction still? Life doesn't seem too good for you at the moment but how long are you going to let it be like this? Some resources that helped me were "Models" by Mark Manson. This book is just pure fking gold man. It's from far the best book I ever read and I did read a few self-improvement books so far. Read Mark's blog too. What he says it's not easy to digest but it's what other people don't tell you. There's no easy way of accepting and letting go. I can't help you here too much because I tried to prove to that girl that I'm worthy and that I'm still willing to accept her back for almost one year. That was just me being needy. I know how it feels to be rejected and then she comes back and you want to be together again but she rejects you again, being in and out of each other's lifes and so on. It's a fking hard place to be in but there's hope. Today I'll be turning 30 days of hard rebooting. It was hard, harder than everything I did in my life but I'm telling you that it's so much worth it. Actually, I said to myself that I'm gonna stop looking for girls and would work on myself for some time and you know what, girls are starting to come at me now. They start conversations, they flirt, all those signals and everything. I didn't think that would happen to me EVER because I felt like I was the last person on this planet for so much time but it's possible, I'm telling you.. In fact, that girl that gave me such a head ache started getting jealous and I'm not just making this up, I stopped giving her attention and she's jealous now and angry with me but you know what? I couldn't care less because I feel better now, better than ever this year and if there was hope for me, there's hope for you too, I'm 1000%(yes, thousand) sure!!!

    Good luck in your NoFap journey and you can write to me if you need any help, cheers!
     
  4. idclip

    idclip Fapstronaut

    48
    32
    18
    If you know you want her, if she gives you feelings: don't let her go.

    Carpe diem.
     

Share This Page