Other wide-spread addictions

I have a problem, where I fall into a certain (usually computer related) activity, and it becomes compulsive, and I cannot break from from it. In my higher mind, I know there are many other things I want, or need to do, but I get drawn down one path, to the point where I become overly focused. It could be researching something for work, or that I want to purchase, or even getting locked into forums like this one. Or sometimes, I'll obsess over something that was said, or has happened to me. My brain gets too focused on one thing, to the point where I lose sight of the big picture. It's exhausting. My therapist says it sounds like a low level OCD. Not a full blown OCD. I'm pretty highly functioning in most cases I guess, but I'd function a lot better if I didn't have this problem

 

Shocked to see how this perfectly fits my patterns.

So to answer the OP, in essence I've always felt that whatever the topic (that sparked my imagination or interest) I could have this surge of exclusive destructive addictive behavior for a little while until it all vanished as it first came - with no warning.

Over the years though, the main baseline repeating ones were :
- Porn. (self explanatory for fellow Fapstronauts)
- Highly demanding video games (in terms of time, involvement or skill required) wrecked my social life for more than a decade except from fellow players I shared it with
- Delving into mysteries of other worlds/civilizations/mythology on a nearly scientific level for the past 6-7 years or so, comes in waves and completely drags me out or reality

Looking back, all three gave me a sense of alternate reality that made me "stay back" in the real world, as if it was fake, or incomplete, and in no case worth being involved in.

 

Thanks for the heads up on context switching. I'll research that. There's a benefit to be able to focus 100% on a task, which is one of my strengths, but I'm a really poor context switcher. The problem is as my business has grown, the number of projects i take on has grown. I have something like 26 different projects going on at any given time, which I have to constantly bounce between. It's very challenging to say the least. In fact I just royally screwed up a project by missing a simple deadline. This is for a big (six figure) project, which could be lost as a result. Hopefully it's OK. Not sure why it's predominantly computer related tasks. I'll have to think about that.

 

Smoking, drinking, and gaming became problems for me. When I started smoking we could smoke inside. Now it's tough to even smoke on the side walk in my city. So the socialization changed. Although I stopped smoking over a year ago after 20 plus years of doing it. The first 3 months were hell. I would lay down frequently. To much of anything would trigger me.

I use to drink but that has been many years ago. I went to treatment for that. Did the whole A.A. deal. Got lost in that identity. In the process I picked up other addiction and/or ignored the ones I had. Pmo felt normal in A.A. depending on what they wanted out of you or how one was behaving. Through A.A. I got into games. This was a bad deal for me because all my friends in A.A. left and I was going to meetings with no one to hang out with. So games became my friend in a way. Still are in a lot of ways. Don't spend money on them but I do spend a lot of time. Only way to stay away from pmo. Can't think of anything else to do.

Sort of like this site. It's better than pmo. At the same time we must find a path out. I don't know what that path looks like for me. I don't think I will find it in 30, 60, and/or 90's of no pmo either. I just feel powerless. Granted I don't have to pmo but big deal. When I can't do other things because of lack of money, ability to get job, disabilities etc... it just hurts. Losing all the time.

 

Precisely - I totally share that feeling, and very much think an addictive personality is something that exists (whatever the underlying principles/though process/cognitive bias may be). It may well be that this process of intense focusing (ok let's call it an obsession) that we're "addicted" to. And I'm using quote-marks here around the word addiction, because if this really is the case, this type of persons can literally be addicted to anything. So will it still be called an addiction? Given that it disrupts and invade and takes control and everything?

Frankly I've been suspecting this in me for decades, seeing how I could easily get hooked on something I never knew before, in a totally uncontrollable and extreme fashion, often leading to major imbalances in my life (mostly short-term, until that moment my thinking process goes like "wtf u doin" and my start balancing stuff a fair bit). Used to believe that it was what ancient philosophers called "passions", but now that I know about the long-term addict in me and it's powerful yet sneaky nature, I know these were completely linked to reality escape. Worth noting (for context) that I'm currently in therapy trying to identify the pieces of me that are really "me" out of this mess.

 

I think I am a very skilled project manager when it's only one or two projects on my plate. But when they get into the teens, it's a challenge. Projects suffer and I have to work extra hard to overcome this part of myself. Maybe some of it is avoidance, but it happens on such a global scale that there's something else going on. It is very broadening to discuss these concepts with like minded people. And it seems there are lots of similarities - if anything we're all introspective.

 

Not because of this issue, no, but that part of my history is definitely interconnected with the events that caused me to seek professional help. I mentioned the porn and the addictive personality to her a couple of times, but my therapist (which is great and I trust very much) wants to reach (and make me find/deal with myself) the root of a whole system she seems to have recognized and in which my relation to porn and an addictive personality are merely symptoms, undesirable side-effects that trail with this system.

Would I recommend it? That's a tough one. Let's see, I wouldn't stop it now that I know what I can do with it. So yes I would recommend it!
On the other hand, I'm told (had a psychologist gf for a few years) many people who seek counsel/therapy do so and fail/stall because they are pressured or compelled - which is vastly different from going down this road with an humble open mind and a question to answer. And the certainty that change (like Winter) is coming. Also, no two therapists are equal in proficiency, patience, expression, attitude, morals etc. Not to mention different tools and "schools of thought"... I know people who keep bouncing from a professional to the other without finding a matching experience.

I guess I was lucky to just have to ditch the first (useless) one (after a year *sighs*) and discover someone that was knowledgeable/interested/ready/available for my question.

Same here, it's fantastic to be able to discuss these issues in a open minded way with likewise affected/interested people that are all about sharing and caring and healing. Too bad we had to hijack an otherwise well constructed thread to do so x)

 

Here's my 2 cents on therapy. There are all types of therapists, and I think the key is finding one who is a good match for you. The most common approach seems to be a painstakingly exhaustive process of getting to the root as Future said. The classical psychotherapy rout. I think this is important, up to a point. But sometimes it can be taken it too far IMO. A good therapist, in my eyes spends a relatively brief, but necessary time on rehashing your formative experiences ect., but then moves quickly on to working on practical ways of dealing with your problems: effective, simple techniques for interrupting patterns and getting your mind functioning properly. I think there's a value in having someone who is your unconditional proponent. Someone you can literally confide almost anything and know you will be supported and not judged, and functions as a good sounding board. A good therapist will point out flaws in your thinking, which may seem obvious in retrospect, but we often never see them because we are "stuck in out own head". There are changes I was able to make with my therapist within about 6 months time, which I never could have made on my own, or would have taken years. I highly recommend it. But you really need to find the right one.

 

Wish I could've described it as perfectly as this. Thanks @six

 

Sorry if this doesn't relate closely to your thread. I was reading it and suddenly remembered ideas i had years ago and I had to write them down. So... Do people with addictive personalities, who can become obsessed in their focus with all manner of things, find it easy to LEARN new things, to be creative, in comparison with those who do not have addictive personalities? I would love to find statistical information on this subject. Could the "addictive" personality be a natural human trait, which unfortunately can attach itself to more harmful pursuits.

 

Yes A.A. is Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to treatment to discover I had a problem with alcohol. Then went on attending A.A. meetings 3 to 4 times a week. Even volunteered at a treatment agency a couple hours a week. I started taking college course and got a Bachelors of Arts degree. While I was attending college and going to A.A. meetings the agency I volunteered at offered me a job.

So I became an addiction counselor. Every night I would say I was an alcoholic at work. Then I would get off work and go to an A.A. meeting and say I was an alcoholic. When I would see family they would joke and give me a hard time because I wouldn't drink. So I was an alcoholic there too.

Then I graduated college and got fired from the job I worked so hard to get. I stopped going to A.A. meeting 2 months prior to be terminated (I had not drank alcohol and nor do I today). I told my former counselor/treatment coordinator that I was no longer attending A.A. meetings. I was just burned out. I needed time. I had asked for a leave of absence while I was in college but she said, "No!". I had developed a different opinion around alcohol and was feeling the affects of pmo (maybe) could have just been loneliness. I was very depressed/exhausted. Twenty to thirty hours of work, fulltime college student, and A.A meetings got to be to much.

When I first started A.A. there was one counselor that made it look masculine to be sober. I lived on that spirit for some time. I was so proud not to drink but forgot/ignored how sick Alcoholism can be to individuals. It truly is a disease and people are sick. I wasn't an alcoholic anymore because I wasn't drinking but I was still saying I was an alcoholic after 7 years of not drinking. As they would say I was, "stuck in the problem".

Today, I understand that I have flaws. All humans do. Getting involved in the social, political, funding of calling myself an alcoholic is not my concern. I understand that I have a problem with alcohol. I no longer need to say it. It causes me more harm than good to call my self an alcoholic. It was turning into Sadomasochism in a lot of ways. Towards the end I was feeling a lot of pain and no pleasure in calling my self an Alcoholic.

I hope that explains things for you. And to know that's my story. Some people stay in A.A. their whole lives and find a saving grace. It's just not my path. I might still have a job today if it were but I'm not sure where I would be with my thoughts. It's easy to ignore other addiction in A.A. They do state if you have other problems or addiction please seek help with appropriate meetings. A lot of 5, 10, 20 year plus members can't or are not humble enough to move to an O.A. Over Eaters Anonymous meeting. It's difficult to keep acknowledging addictions. One after another.

Take it easy on yourself.

 

here's a very interesting concept related to this question. I find that when tying to learn something, I get too absorbed to the point where I get a little manic. I've put this approach to use, and it has been very effective for me to force myself to break away and alternate, as Noa suggests.

 

Ive had issues with substance abuse on and off pretty much since I was a young teen. Im a naturally curious person with a very addictive personality. So of course I was that kid that was always trying to find something to get high off of. I would read the internet for hours gathering up as much information about different substances as I could.

I experimented regularly with alcohol, benzos, opiates, various stimulants, marijuana, mushrooms, of course lots of pmo, and all kinds of different over the counter things. I got completely sober with the exception of a few drinks here and there and maybe some MJ on special occasions about 4 years ago. The first month was probably the most uncomfortable ive ever been in my whole life. Fortunately, I rotated substances pretty frequently so I never developed any strong physical addictions, but the mental change from being in a constant blur to being sober was such a shock to my system. It took me a good 3 full months to finally start feeling completely sane again. So glad I quit all that junk. Now I just struggle with pmo and tobacco.