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I had enough. This is ridiculous.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Captain Average, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Sep 30, 2016 #1
    Captain Average

    Captain Average Fapstronaut

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    To start off, I know walls of text aren't generally pleasing but please bear with me. Because this is the time for me to turn my life around.

    I've always been a good person. Money falls out of someone's pocket? Tell them. Someone's hurt? Help them. I've always been like this. But there's this little side of me that I hate so much. When I have my last 10 dollars that I need to save for the next day, my brain tells me "Why not order delivery?" "It's going to taste good and it will be delivered to you". And this laziness and lack of willpower is what really turns me into an unlikable person sometimes. Whenever I actually treat someone bad, it's because of this lack of discipline. I fucked up my studies when I was younger, thinking I wouldn't even make it to college, and I did. I somehow got into the major I wanted. And at the end of this semester, I'm at GPA 1.8. I hate this so much. I'm not even bad at studying, in fact I feel I'm rather exceptional. But why does this demon inside of me keep taking over? I started smoking and I don't even like it, I do it just to not seem like a stick in the mud in front of my friends.. I kept telling myself "Come on you can do it, NoFap is a lifestyle" Fucking bullshit. I keep failing. What the hell is wrong with me? I literally just relapsed today at 12:30AM. Why? Because I was bored.

    But enough is enough. I WANT to get a 3.5+ GPA this semester. I want to stop all PMO bullshit. I want to be disciplined and make a difference in my life. I want to finally change and LOVE life. I'm doing what I want in life but I'm treating it like another chore now. I spent a good 10 minutes sitting down in front of the mirror crying, looking at myself and what a waste of life PMO and my laziness is.

    Well, no more. It's done. I'm going to start over and I'll finish til' the end. I'd like to find an accountability partner and carry on to the road to Discipline. For those of you who read through, your input is very much welcome. I love you guys.
     
    Captain Average, Sep 30, 2016
    Captain Average, Sep 30, 2016
    #1
  2. Sep 30, 2016 #2
    Captain Average

    Captain Average Fapstronaut

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    Also I know the sentences at the start about me being a good person sound really vague. I'm sorry for that.
     
    Captain Average, Sep 30, 2016
    Captain Average, Sep 30, 2016
    #2
  3. Sep 30, 2016 #3
    Freelliw

    Freelliw Fapstronaut

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    Hi Captain Average, glad to ear from you that you're determined to quit PMO. What helped me a lot in this last year to start getting out was learning more, and more deeply, what's actually's going on in my brain with PMO. Did you devote some time to learn how PMO changes your brain and what makes PMO an addiction to your brain?
     
    Freelliw, Sep 30, 2016
    Freelliw, Sep 30, 2016
    #3
  4. Sep 30, 2016 #4
    Light139

    Light139 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    You can do it my friend, I know how you are feeling though it sounds all so familiar... But I am sure if we keep being clean from this for a longer period of time and we have re-wired our actions with all the events coming our way, we can be free from this filth.
     
    Light139, Sep 30, 2016
    Light139, Sep 30, 2016
    #4
  5. Sep 30, 2016 #5
    Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Captain Average, it's easy to feel determined after your lapse today. It's less easy to feel this determined tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on... You will need to deal with your urges on a daily basis. A good way to do that is to replace your bad habits by good habits, one by one. Better eating, keeping your room tidy, being creative if you like, taking walks, doing sports, better studying in your case. That's what this lifestyle thing is about, right? Well I don't want to preach here. Regarding PMO, I could have done better the past months myself. Nevertheless I am doing alright. Why? Because I am actually embracing a better lifestyle, despite dozens of relapses. I still need to get rid of this habit, of course.

    I always say that good and bad are categories that only exist in human perception. Nature knows no good or bad ;)
     
    Headspace, Sep 30, 2016
    Headspace, Sep 30, 2016
    #5
  6. Oct 2, 2016 #6
    Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Smoking not to feel awkward among friends... God, I hate you already.

    Nah, kidding. But do consider quitting. And yes, discipline all the way!
     
    Ekhangel, Oct 2, 2016
    Ekhangel, Oct 2, 2016
    #6

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