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I'm not addicted to porn - I'm addicted to procrastination

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by houndie, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. houndie

    houndie Fapstronaut

    I didn't know where this belongs, so I'm writing this off as a success - a success in figuring me out and figuring this thing out.



    Namely I've come to the conclusion I'm not addicted to porn. And that I haven't been. I don't have PIED, my porn consumption didn't escalate in quantity or "quality", I don't really feel myself flatlining. I have had feelings of uselessness, but that's not specific to porn.

    I'm on day 28 of NoFap. I'm noticing some changes - but that might be a part of all the new habits I've taken on concurrently with NoFap.

    What I actually am addicted to is procrastination. Masturbation is just a very big part of it - it's the most extreme way to procrastinate and it zaps away the strength to really get to work and make yourself useful. Without masturbation I'm still a procrastinator - and the challenge is to make myself into less of one.

    ... am I procrastinating now?
    Or is this introspection...?

    How I see it is that there are levels of procrastination:
    1) There are days when I'd masturbated 4-5 times, doing nothing useful. That's the deepest pit of procrastination.
    2) Then there are the days you watch shows and/or movies or read entertaining (but not in any way challenging) books. That's also procrastination, but it's milder - if nothing else, you at least get to know the content of popular culture. Some might consider this recharging your batteries.
    3) Then there's what I'm doing now - introspection and analysis which doesn't lead to much new content (spontaneous personal blog posts, spontaneous personal journals, spontaneous analytical letters to friends-family instead of, you know, what is actually expected of you). Challenging books that aren't obligatory to read are also in this category - they challenge you, but don't really advance you in the direction you have to advance in.
    4) The days that you can truly say you've spent on what you HAVE to do. Of course it may include moments of relaxation - we're not machines.

    A day spent procrastinating and masturbating is, as I said, the deepest pit. Spending the next day on the second level seems like a victory. It is a victory - at least you're not in the pit. But it's difficult to jump straight to the third or fourth level - into anything self-advancing. A day in the pit usually also means an useless next day in front of the telly - as I said, recharging your batteries after a day of procrasturbation.

    It seems impossible to get from a day of level 1 to a day of level 4 overnight - a day in the pit is never followed by an energized day filled with victories of self-discipline. A day in the pit is followed by self-loathing, where not falling back is a victory in itself. It's possible to get from levels 2 and 3 to level 4 though.

    And joining nofap has removed level1 from my life, at least it has this far. For that, I'm grateful. That's a success in itself. But the porn has mostly been an extreme case of my procrastination and that's the main problem I have to work with.

    Can anyone else relate to this?
     
  2. NoiceMate

    NoiceMate Fapstronaut

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    Noice Breakdown. I would say one way to help is to find your real passions in life. Stuff what everyone says about what or who you should be as a person. You should find something your passionate about for each of the following:

    - A Hobby
    - A Career
    - Something Creative
    - Something Active
    and basically do those things. The bottom two once a day for 30 mins, the top when having having a break or rest. Good luck buddy hope i helped
     
  3. Doug312

    Doug312 Fapstronaut

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    hey houndie!

    I definitely experience exactly what you are talking about! In fact, my journey is going to uncover which one of these, for me, is the chicken/egg, cart/horse, dog/tail. Feelings of inadequacy lead me to lots of bad behaviors which the most destructful of which to me is porn. But drinking, procrastinating, overspending. I am currently in therapy to help figure this out but porn has been the most destructive for me and the most hurtful to others. I don't like that pervy mutherfucker so I want him gone.

    The procrastination has gotten a bit better as a result of my 9 days so far, but I haven't flipped the switch to being this productivity monster like I'd hoped. I'd rather be here journaling or wasting my time watching TED talks, or reading than PMO. But for me this is just the first step and I didn't feel like I could take others until my this was in my rear view.

    Good luck to you on your journey! We all have different paths and I hope you find yours!
     
  4. Streetdog

    Streetdog Fapstronaut

    Man, I can totally relate to everything you said.

    I think cutting off PMO (or just P &M) can unleash a lot of energy that could find better use in anything you think is worth it (My best, so far, is 8 days without P &M - and at that time I could already feel some improvements).
    But I'm afraid it's not that simple... and that's because procrasturbation (I really liked the word :D) is not the only, and sometimes not even the main "time waster" in my day....

    So now I'm basically researching books and articles about willpower, discipline and focus....I have just finished the book "the power of habit" (don't know if you have read it too already). It has some great and scientific based advices in that subject. I'm trying to apply some of them right now - even in the NoFap matter.

    If you find any improvements or new information about that, please let me know. We share the same problem right here, I would be happy to discuss about that more often.

    Wish you the best.
     
    Doug312 likes this.
  5. kalos kagathos

    kalos kagathos Fapstronaut

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    Same problem here. Yesterday I figured it out (maybe?hopefully), but I still need to do more research about it.
    Procrastination is usually symptom of perfectionism.
    There is reason why you are perfectionists and you need to find it and work on it.
    But first step I would take would be to stop trying to be as @Doug312 said "productivity monster". Stop being perfect, being good enough is your goal. And you guys can be good enough already. Just do what you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do. I want to do some work now, so I'm going to finish this post shortly and I'm going to do that work. And I don't want to look at facebook, I don't want to PMO, i don't want to see stupid cats videos on youtube, so I won't do it today.
    And guys, this can happen right now, today! You don't need to acomplish any 90 days reboot or any other perfect goal to be awesome. You can be awesome now!
     
    Themadfapper, Freelliw and John Nixon like this.
  6. Doug312

    Doug312 Fapstronaut

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    I've read that book, well half of it, I'm a serial book starter :) Actually the organizational stuff doesn't appeal to me much. I've got enough problems to fix on my own.
     
    Olaz likes this.
  7. River2016

    River2016 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate for sure. Yes, I am addicted to porn ,but I'm addicted to porn because I was wasting time masturbating, discovered porn, and now here I am. For me rebooting isn't must cutting out porn, but also learning why I procrastinate so much and how to get more done.
     
  8. houndie

    houndie Fapstronaut

    Something I'm trying right now:

    Started a new challenge - waking at 6 every day (for a month - it's easier to go on after a clear finish line than never start because of no clear finish line). And, you know, immediately avoid procrastinating. Immediately start doing something useful in the aloneness of the mornings.
    I'm on my fourth day. It's tiring. Body still not used to it. Will have to implement naps ...

    On the first few days, it seemed like the answer.
    I'm not sure if it's nearly an universal answer or not - waking early (because that's reeeeallly uncomfortable and getting out of your comfort zone is part of the solution) and immediately starting on whatever's your Very Important Thing. I've woken early and... have read much. That's also something. But I haven't really started on my Very Important Thing.

    Unfortunately, being too tired helps to make excuses to not giving it your all. "Ah, I'm too tired anyway... I can't work like this." But it might just stabilize after a while.

    I'm still a procrastinaty person. But waking early HAS helped.
     
  9. River2016

    River2016 Fapstronaut

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    Best advice I've read on kicking procrastination is 2 steps.

    1) "I won't feel more like doing this tomorrow." Putting it off is not going to make one bit of difference.

    2) "Just get started." Whatever I am avoiding feels awful while I am avoiding it, but the second I start on any aspect of it (even the smallest), I feel better. (And my urge to fap instead abates.)

    So whatever that Very Important Thing is, just find the smallest little aspect of it that you can start. When you jump out of bed at 6 tomorrow, just do that one little thing. See how that makes you feel.
     
  10. What is procrastination but compulsive thinking?

    Us trying to find something to keep our minds busy, because we dread what might happen if they aren't. Us being uncomfortable with ourselves.

    We don't like doing, or being, we're so caught up in thinking that we seem to have no time for those anymore. Thus the things we actually need to get done, get postponed and shelved for a later date.. while the immediate amusements that keep our thoughts occupied take the centre-stage.

    A motivating little snippet from Alan Watts on the subject:
     
    Themadfapper likes this.
  11. Freelliw

    Freelliw Fapstronaut

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    @kalos kagathos Hi, your point made me think... I had recently this conscioussness too. I realize now that in my life, what I always acted to escape from what I were doing in the present. I was used to judge anything and everything not even suspecting my judjements not being the "truth". Obviuosly, I was attracted from "an ideal world" I conceived in my mind, a "perfect" world, the world of "it should be like this..." In that world I was without limits, yeah a perfect man. Others were lacking perfection and had to change... That always led me to leave what I decided to do for something "better". Now I understand a common spiritual quote: "Sometimes the best is enemy of the goo". Nowadays I find myself procrastinating for the same reason. What I decided is tough to achieve so it's easier for me to escape in my thinkings... I suspect that the key that relates to PMO is the "tough" part... I hope going on with NoFap will tell me something if this is a behavior induced by porn or not... maybe the root cause?
     
  12. Freelliw

    Freelliw Fapstronaut

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    @JesusGreen I saw the video and it remembered a quote from Blaise Pascal (Thinkings): "All the unhappiness of men comes from a single point: they cannot stay quiet inside their rooms"
     
  13. kalos kagathos

    kalos kagathos Fapstronaut

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    Hi, if interested, check these 2 articles, but there is plenty of stuff online, just google word perfectionism, maybe you will find something better.

    http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/perfectionism
    ...many of these examples are me :]
    Some examples of perfectionism might include:

    • Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email.- maybe not 30minutes, but still too long
    • Believing that missing two points on a test is a sign of failure.- I don't care about this so much...as far as I'm better than others.lol.
    • Difficulty being happy for others who are successful. - definitely me
    • Holding oneself to the standards of others' accomplishments, or comparing oneself unfavorably and unrealistically to others. - yep, that's me
    • Focusing on the end product rather than the process of learning. - definitely me
    • Believing that anything less than a perfect or ideal outcome is not worth achieving.- it depends here, maybe sometimes...
    and there are some very good advices in this article
    https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
     
  14. Jilloy

    Jilloy Guest

    Pretty much the same for me.
     

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