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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Rc airplane, Oct 7, 2016.

  1. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

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    I'm new, I'm 37 years old man, I've been addicted to porn as far as I can remember, so well over 25 plus years, I'm recently split up with my wife and children due to my problem (she don't know about my problem never told her) with all the negative things that come with this addiction, anger, fear, anxiety, emotional Rollercoaster, extreme irratible, extreme isolation, my whole life never been able to connect to others on a deeper level and now I know why, I don't connect with my wife and my step kids, or her family and friends, well since being kicked out of the house I'm at rock bottom and never want to go back to WHO I WAS FOR ME no one else, I'm giving up a lot of bad habits and bare with me, I was addicted to talking to her everyday so I quit calling her, I quit texting her so now she calls me and text me, that's one addiction I'm over coming, I laid my cigarettes down two days ago as well been smoking for years (vaping now better than smoking a pack a day) two addictions I'm refraining from, I have refrained from watching porn for 3 days now as well, and jacking off to either porn or thoughts, that's three addictions I haven't done in three days, I stopped drinking 3 days ago as well, that's four addictions I've had for years that I'm working on currently, my goal is to abstain from all for 90 days, after the 90 days I'll try not smoke another cigarette or drink, on the 90 days on porn and my compulsion to jack off I'll want to go another 90 days (now through out bettering myself I probably won't give up having sex with my wife if she wants it because I feel that's not harmful for me and I dream of making love to her, she's beautiful, 110 lbs, fake boobs, she could be a model) now more to the story in refraining from other women especially on any sexual arousal temptation, I won't be sleeping with other people nor engaging in sexual talk to any other woman than my wife.
    I've always thought something was wrong with me, my personality, I never fit in, now reading all this information I know now porn and jacking off was the whole problem the whole time plus I was molested by a family member when I was young and recently confronted him about it and told my WHOLE family
    I've changed some habits, I'm reading more, I'm staying busy, I'm trying to sleep more because lack of rest is one of my triggers, I'm starting new things and trying to stay busy, I deleted all porn off my phone, everything, I went through Facebook and any triggers I deleted them, I'm going to start getting both my boys every weekend so I can not go out and drink!!!!!
    I WANT THIS FOR ME NOT FOR NO ONE ELSE I'M DEAD SERIOUS I'M NOT MESSING WITH THIS STUFF ANYMORE IT'S HAD CHAINS ON ME MY WHOLE LIFE
    the withdrawals are overwhelming, I'm shaking, my mind is spaghetti, my emotions are out of whack, body is aching, a complete mess
    I've started going to church, I'm using my tears as my strength, I lay face down on the ground and cry and scream to God, he's my strength right now, I'm all alone but I'm walking through this fire with God carrying me and my life is going to change, it already has
     
    D . J . likes this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap! Just hearing your journey, hearing your story in encouraging! You are not alone and never were. God has always been with you, even through your worse. Praise God that you've turned to Him.
    You've done the first steps to recovery:
    • You've turned to God and asked for the forgiveness of your sins.
    • You've admitted you have a problem.
    • You've determined the the healing needs to done for your and not for someone else's approval.
    • You've cleansed your life of the P in your life.
    • You've decided and have begun to stop associated damaging behavior.

    Now what are your known triggers and have you begun to put in place ways to deal with them instead of PMO?
     
    Rc airplane likes this.
  3. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

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    I haven't got strategacal plan yet as every second of the day, but yesterday was so hard and lonely for me but I came home, worked around the house, went to Wal mart, immersed myself in this nofap information and I stayed reading it for hours, I stayed away from the TV, I stayed away from browsing the Web, I took control last night, then I layed in the floor and just worshiped God through my tears, pain and crying for a long long while, I woke up feeling completely determined to conquer this. I started going to church, been reading my Bible more and just trying to come up with reasons to stick this out
     
    D . J . likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Sin has broken us all. Sticking this out is the beginning of healing. God has blessings for you are on the other side of healing. Your healing process will be your testimony of how life was without God as focus and how life is when God is your focus. Although this is for you, is will be for God's glory. You will be able to tell someone else how to do what he or she may feel unable to do.
     
    Rc airplane likes this.
  5. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

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    Awesome!!! Thank you for being so encouraging I need that, I'm not smoking cigarettes, I'm not drinking, I'm not texting or calling my wife, I'm not masturbating or watching porn at the moment and my head is spinning and my emotions are crazy right now
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. Its going to be a tough few weeks, but good ones. Plan for lots of withdrawal symptoms, but also lots of clarity and rediscovering the real you. You can get your family back.
     
    D . J . and Rc airplane like this.
  7. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for that!!! I've never wanted something so bad in all my life than to get this out of my life and heal. Reading about it, all, I mean all problems stem from this and I'm just learning about it, wow this great!!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  8. I'm 39. I believe this will be one of the defining issues of our generation. Remember you are not alone. At least 50% of your friends and coworkers probably look at porn. Many are addicted and don;t even know it.

    You can;t do this alone. And this forum can only help so much. Join a small group at church. Join AA. Join SAA (https://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/UnitedStates/). Find a good friend who you can be honest with. Who will support all your recoveries. You will be tempted to go back. You may even fail more than once. FInd people who will encourage you to keep going. And maybe a good dude who will give you a hug and tell you that you are loved and worth it.
     
    D . J . and Rc airplane like this.
  9. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for that!! That'll help me a lot!!
     

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