How do you ever really gain trust back?

@MsPants so much love to you. I caught my husband in chat rooms 5 years ago, I was devistated and he swore he would quit. I caught him 6 months later, funny I kind of blocked that out in the beginning of his reboot, he swore he would quit, it was just stupid curiosity... Fast forward 4.5 years to 6 months ago, I caught him and he was strong and ready to be done with it. Why? He truly was controlled by it, and I am glad we are still together, and it is hard, like tears rolling down my face hard. And would I have left him? I just don't know, I think the answer is yes though, I was done, I could see another life for myself free of the pain and suffering. Lying is a insidious drip on your soul, and I could not bare it anymore. I still wonder as we heal, is the scarring from the PMO addiction to much, we are only strong enough to keep going because he is committed every single day to be in recovery, without that we just don't have a chance. I wish I knew what would penetrate the brain cloud your SO is floundering in... Even with my husband in active recovery, some days it feels insurmountable. I have to say it, he is a fucking idiot, and he may not see it Til it is too late. I can't imagine the pain of this past week for you, I could not do it, not with the strength and clarity you have shone, you are so cared for here at NoFap, a beacon of light, don't forget to scream some too. Life is unfair.

 

My heart bleeds for you, for me, for us all - most of us are only a few lies away from where you are, and we have no control. Wow, new facets of this journey to contemplate and worry about. It's a shit storm for sure

 

Oh I totally understand where you are coming from - what I was trying (sorry if I didn't succeed!) to convey was that, if I were to place myself in your position (something one is obviously not capable of doing completely), then the mixed feelings and not wanting to leave stranded someone you love is quite understandable. Put another way, no matter how terrible an addiction my SO had and its impact on me, I know I would be torn about making a choice to leave. All of this was to say that I don't want to say to you: 'You should do x or y'. I just want to say that you deserve love, and the knowledge that you deserve love should be part of your decision making process. Given what a torrid time you are having, and noting the possibility my communication has gone awry again, I will simply say it again: You deserve love! My best wishes, MH

 

Your username indicates 'Pending Deletion'.
I think about you often, and I will continue to. You are a beacon of bravery and hope. Your light has shone in dark corners, now let it find some company for an even brighter day.
My very best wishes for you on your journey.

 

Ms pants I'm a little late to the thread but I feel for you. I was going to reply to your thread but I'm glad I found this quote. You said it yourself, you have to be strong for your daughter, the fact that he treated her badly is not cool at all. He seems to not have hit rock bottom yet while you seem to be stuck to the floor. You have to pick yourself up and remember to be an example to your daughter a woman's worth, he definitely does not appreciate it and it's a shame.
I hope you can make it through regardless of what you decide to do.

 

Allan, I would like just to say thank you! You are doing a great job! Your words brought a relief for me when I was also struggling with trust issues.
I think you should write a book!

 

I've got an idea rolling around my head. A couple, actually. Allegorical novels personifying PMO is some set of actual antagonists.

Thank you. For now I guess I'll just keep marching around the walls until Day 7.