How will I survive the night?

You are not alone, man. Abandon yourself into His hands. That's my message. Not easy to stay faithful to it, but it's the only truth I know.
Don't know much about you to make any other suggestions, i.e. practical ones.

 

The key is leaving your comfort zone ! go for a jog or a walk, go to a gas station, do anything outside your house... do not stay in your house if you can so the urges wont come up. just make sure when you come back home, your tired enough to just go straight to sleep... works for me everytime. I will say you must learn to overcome this and I believe anybody can do it ! keep it up my brother !

 

Thanks. Nice post, very practical. Good to know from your experience that it works.

 

ummm, just a thought, in response to your "stab myself in the foot"...
We're men, get used to it. Maybe even enjoy it. I'm talking about accepting ourselves, as men, which means we have needs and desires, which are beyond just sex, but sex is part of who we are. Own it, love it and know what it is, deep mystery to be respected, but purposeful: we have in us the unconscious and good desire to beget children. Personally I believe this, and so the PMO stuff can only be a perversion, in the sense that it is not who we are, what we are supposed to be.

 

It's not about pleasure or satisfaction. We're not here to be happy, we're here to live. Discover what it means to live.

 

Try to keep yourself busy and occupied, read some books or maybe work on a personal project. If you really want to, then playing some video games can help as well, while also helping with relaxation and brain activity, but please don't turn it into an addiction though.

You can also fight the urges in whatever way works best for you. Try shaking it off with exercise, cold showers or other expressive activities. Alternatively, you can sit down and meditate, feel the energy within you and learn to control them and understand them.

 

There is the concept of urge surfing where you don't fight the thoughts but don't focus on them either. Just fold you hands comfortably behind your head or across your chest and let them happen. Stay detached from the feelings and witness and observe what's going on in a clinical exploratory way. After a few minutes the urges will subside and you will be all the better for it.

 

I am also determined not to relapse again, but every day is a strong struggle...

 

I will only kill myself in a situation to save another, like pushing someone out of harms way but trading places as a result.
Don't waste your ultimate sacrifice on something as pointless as pmo dude.
Pmo is an issue we are all trying to overcome but accepting defeat isn't an option! Beat it or keep trying!!
Hard times are what define us, how we stop, assess and start over with a fresh mind.

 

read George collins book. the issue we have is more deep seeded than porn use of pmo or whatever sexual compulsion. it is something inside us that has caused us to use these things as a coping mechanism. his book is called breaking the cycle. he also has a few videos on YouTube.