You are a pavlov dog

I failed today and got thinking afterwards.

I feel shitty after watching porn to the point of depression because I realise what I am actually doing to someone I love. Google something called Pavlovian Conditioning, I'm sure you've heard of Pavlov's dogs but this was his way of testing human brain function. If you continuously associate an orgasm with the scent, or touch, or a kiss from your significant other, this is what will turn you on (which is great in and for your relationship and you will have incredible, guilt free sex!) but continuous porning will results in you needing porn to turn you on and therefore your significant has to compete with this. You are forcing your significant other to compete for your love and attention.

I think about having sex with the girl I love, something which in itself is so pure, but I find that that picture has to fight to get to the forefront of my brain in amongst the crap, intimacy-free pictures I can conjure up remembering the porn I have watched. I lose some of that delight when thinking about my girlfriend in love and my picture of her falls into the commonality of lust. This is what depresses me the most.

In the moment of watching porn I think to myself 'God I love this' because for years I have associated the orgasm I have while watching porn to happiness because of the pleasure I feel but as soon as I have the orgasm, I feel so guilty because that only means I am not totally associating happiness and satisfaction with my girlfriend.

Maybe this is the same for you.

 

Oh for sure! My apologies, my situation wasn't explained adequately. If you are totally honest with your girlfriend (which I get is ball-breakingly hard because you then have to deal with that oh so crushing dissapointed, 'am I not enough?' look in her eye and you know you put it there) and work together from that honesty to disassociate porn from her then my friend, that is one secure relationship. For me, I do not quite have that luxury of having her in 3D all of the time. Being in a long distance relationship I focused on when I was apart from her in my last post where I only have that image of love of her and when porn is all the more tempting as those associations distract me from the pain of not being with her.