NoFap Challenge vs Gradual Improvement

A very zen approach: being aware of addictive behaviour is often a first step to changing it.

I am trying that approach with my internet usage. I am just aware of when I use the net (facebook and a few other sites, some pornographic, some not), how I am feeling about it and such like. I found myself cutting down without making plans. I was very immersed in it and when I am very immersed in something I am not motivated to make a plan to cut down or stop. So raising awareness can be a useful thing to do.

 

This seems really hard. When doing PMO challenge it get's easier after 2 or 3 weeks. When you fap every week you'll have to get through that period every time. Also there is increased urges from the chaser effect.

 

The whole "challenge" concept is, in my opinion, outdated, a holdover from when this place was first created, but prior to the acceptance of porn addiction. Now that we know porn is addictive, or, more correctly, that we use porn, like a button, to get to what is truly addictive--a dopamine rush--the challenge model does not really work. The challenge model was, literally, that; a group of fapstrnauts challenging each other to see how long they could go without rubbing one off. In fact, initially, I don't think it was understood, even here, how the real culprit was High Speed Internet Porn; that concept was still very new.

I much prefer the Hard 90 Reboot approach because it recognizes the addiction, and it seeks to break it. By "break it" I mean getting the user to a place where though they might like engaging in the addiction, they know they can refuse, and the desire to use has gone from compulsive to a choice. The purpose of quitting the addiction is to quit it forever, but, for many members, once they get the Hard 90 under their belt, so to speak, they have broken the chains the addiction kept them in for years.

No one who is addicted can become unaddicted by using a little less over time because they are still using, and to beat the addiction, they have to quit using. Eventually, along with quitting using comes quitting wanting, and that is when it gets much easier.

 

I like the idea of counting positives.

 

8 hours a month doesn't seem that much to me. I sit for hours on the net, wasting time but also finding out stuff and being entertained. However it is also in many ways a waste of time too.

Most repetitive, compulsive activities are based on a simple pattern: find something that gives a short burst of pleasure and is absorbing. Then use that to distract from unpleasant feelings of anxiety and fear. Alcohol, drugs, food, sex, excessive exercise, video games, internet use and in particular what this site focuses on, internet porn.

The article I found on internet addiction suggested the following seven steps:
1 Face the problem. Admit you have one, look at the effects and all that sort of thing. Admit it will be a struggle to change.
2 Increase awareness. Start to increase awareness of your urges, and your actions, while it is happening. That means you need to have reminders around you, so that you're constantly noticing the urges as they come up. You can still act on the urge, as you're increasing awareness, but be aware that the urge is happening, and see what action you take, and what the result is (how do you feel afterward, what consequences are there?). This is a skill you can increase over time, with practice.
3 See the fear. You are going to the addiction because of fear. You're procrastinating on something harder, more uncomfortable, like work or exercise or socialising. the addiction fulfills the need you have to run to comfort, away from discomfort. Start to become aware of this fear, and shine some light on it.

This is the step that this site seems to not concentrate on.

4 Try small sessions without it. Try and hour without the internet, or an hour without porn or TV. Make the challenge small but doable. Once you can do that slowly increase it. If you can manage an hour a week without the net, or whatever it is, try two hours. Small doable steps is what the article suggests.
5 Increase the periods of non-distraction. If you do an hour a day of no Internet, try adding another hour in each day. Do that for a week and see how it goes. Think about getting an internet blocker, and some accountability with friends if that is helpful.
6 Think about the limitedness of your life. We're only on this Earth for a short while, and it's an exceedingly miraculous gift. Don't waste it. Make something. Do something. Learn something. etc etc. Live consciously by deciding how you want to spend your time.
7 Become intentional. When you open up your computer, start by pausing, noticing your urges, and then taking a few seconds to set an intention for this session: I'm going to write an article, or read for 10 minutes about Mt. Everest (or whatever). Then do that, and get up and away from your computer. Take a break, stretch, do a couple of yoga poses, drink some water. Then before you go into your next computer session, set and intention again. You might deviate from that intention sometimes, but practice at least setting the intention, then practice sticking to it. You'll get better with practice, as with anything.

I think there have always been two approaches to dealing with addictive behaviours and also facing fears; with do it all at once, for example with a 90 day no PMO challenge, or completely giving up alcohol, and then there is the gradual approach such as looking at a spider in a glass jar at the other end of the room and then slowly working up to having it in your hand over a graduated course over a day or more or cutting down on alcohol to sensible levels (something that many have found possible, but not something that is advisable if your health is seriously compromised and you need to stop straight away to prevent further damage). It depends on what works best for you, what your advisers are most comfortable with and whether the activity is something you cannot get away from and need to learn to manage better rather than withdraw from completely (for example, if food is your addictive activity you cannot starve yourself to gain control, you have to develop a healthier relationship with food).

For me I know I am drawn to these things as a way of drowning out anxiety around anger. Not so much people being angry with me as dealing with being angry with others. Often I will find myself sending an e-mail, and no matter how I write it, if I am angry I find it hard to open my e-mail account, let alone open the mail. I then distract myself by looking at the net, sometimes for hours. My use of porn and sex contact sites if part of that. They are not the kind of sexual contact that I really crave or find enjoyable, so they also represent some kind of self punishment as well as a distracting reward. So step 3 outlined in the scheme above for me, See the fear, is mainly about fear of anger, my own anger. I do not rage in dangerous ways, and I am slowly learning at the age of 57 that anger is a natural part of life. It is hard however.

Whether this will all lead to me taking a 90 day no pmo challenge is another mater. At the moment I am just raising awareness and seeing where it leads me. So far I am doing slightly more and also feeling more anxiety but in a more wholesome way, like small feelings of what I shall call courage, but only small but useful ones.

 

I very much agree that this is a valid alternative to going cold turkey and starving ourselves abruptly from something that has deep roots in our behaviors for decades. The steps from your post (and the article that inspired them) are very much alike the method I've been applying since I realized I struggled so much with outright deprivation - And it works at least for some of us (there's a few topics these days about progressive change vs abrupt deprivation).

Most importantly, I've felt like these steps sort of interweave naturally, one suggesting the next "when we're ready", as opposite to the long checklist of alien tasks that are associated with a cold turkey approach (which can be a lot to take in at once). Sure it might take longer that the promised-land of 90 days. But really, after realizing I've been under an unnatural self-induced behavior-wrecking life-sucking spell for more than 20 years, am I really going to care how many more days it takes to get my life back to where I want it to be? If it takes 200 or 500 to be fully rebooted I'll still be the happiest about it


@franco216 You seem to have the long term goal in mind so that's fantastic since you won't be blinded by shiny numbers adding to each others. I'm confident that by starting this "counting the positives" approach you will slowly increase the pace of your exploration and understanding, gaining momentum and strength. Keep us posted on what you end up monitoring and what your findings are!

 

Everyone's different, there are different strategies to overcome addiction. Some styles work better for others and some don't. I set a counter and aim for 30 straight no pmo, then if I relapse I don't reset my counter. I just only let it happen once and go back to no pmo mindset. If I reset counter it feels like such a failure and seems to rigid and not realistic. The only thing I disagree with your idea is setting a certain amount to pmo, because that says it's okay to pmo and for me I have to really hate it and how it makes me feel to give in. So I just aim for none and see how I do. After not masterbating for 7 days your t levels increase by 45.5 percent so going as long as you possibly can without will really help you see the results you want and need to keep improving.