My rebooting

I'll do a hard mode throughout this my last year before college entrance.

 

Sometimes I felt it really hard to quit because it's actually my will that's against my will.
Before relapse thought it's my own will that wanted PMO and afterwards felt it just an urge that has nothing to do with even be against my ultimate will.
That's the dilemma I've always been in.
Over time I gradually comfort myself by the view that it's all our instinct and we human beings are bult that way and nothing to worry about.
This view may occur from the vagueness between PMO and it's influence. Too many people even doctors said it's normal small even beneficial. Of course I don't think so. But the point is that every single pmoing apparently don't affect much.
This vagueness is also one of the reasons why it's hard to abstain from PMO I think

 

Calm down dude

 

I used to fail every weekend
But now

 

Well if feeling like giving up, just think about why have struggled to where I am now

 

The night before dawn two days ago I Med. It all happened automatically out of my sense. I may be half dreaming then but for sure not about porn. When it was done I woke up totally getting into regret and depression.

 

Things are always hard. But I should go on.

 

Em…Actually I m kind of grateful that I haven't done it with porn things. That's somewhat progress. And it really happened beyond my sense, there may be a biological basis that the brain wires leading to MO is too stubborn. Anyhow I d keep more cautious while sleeping.

 

A new week starts
I want to be healthy
I want to be the one I d like to be

 

No matter how determined I was before fall into sleep I would always wake up in the morning with my hand on my dick. I can't be aware of that.
Being at a loss…