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Can't get past 10 days wall

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by lz7ification, Oct 23, 2016.

  1. lz7ification

    lz7ification Fapstronaut

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    It's been over a year now and I can't get past the damn 10-14 days wall.
    Everytime I try to start a streak, I get to the point where I just can't control myself after 10 days/2 weeks, end up masturbating and eventually fall back to porn. This happens whether I try to screw myself watching pics/gifs on the internet or not.
    Yesterday I accidentally screwed myself with the damn facebook... I fought the strongest urges all day and I thought I had made it through, then I came home late, went on FB before going to bed, accidentally tripped on some pics... bam , suddenly horny. I tried to sleep, fell asleep for a hour, then woke up shaking, and ended up fapping (no porn/pics).

    Any suggestions to avoid always slipping on this limit? I tried everything I could but every single time I fall on this obstacle...
     
    Deadlihood likes this.
  2. Kristian

    Kristian Fapstronaut

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    You can and you will. What I do to fight away the powerful cravings and urges is to think about the reasons I've started this battle in the first place. I've failed a million times, I know how it feels. Recently, I started thinking about my reasons when I had another thought of relapsing. Simply say no and control your hands movement. If possible, get out of the house and off any screen as quickly as possible. Don't start typing anything and if you do, stop immediately. If you can't leave your device, then focus on something else, either work, write in your journal or search for something that will not trigger you (funny, educative etc.)

    If you can go out, go for a walk, a cup of coffee, visit a friend or a bookshop/video games store, whatever. It ain't easy, but it gets better with time. Use a counter and look at it everyday. Keep track of your progress and motivate yourself on a daily basis. Take this battle one day at a time. Trust me, it will get better.

    I, for one, never thought I am gonna try this ever again and here I am today. You can too, as everyone can. Keep pushing and best of luck!
     
  3. slingshot

    slingshot Fapstronaut

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    @Iz7ification,

    I struggled with that a lot. It took me four months until I got past the 30-day mark, and it still takes regular effort and devotion. Here are a few things to bear in mind:

    (1) For me, allowing MO, but not P, has been enormously successful. My problem is not primarily with MO, which I personally view as completely healthy and natural (in moderation), but P is not. MO is human; P is a lie. In allowing MO but not P, I have been able to successfully reboot. In truth, I find people attractive who I never found attractive before, and people who used to seem attractive no longer seem so. My sexually feels natural and integrated into my personality. That doesn't mean I don't remain vigilant; I am a married man, and I made a vow to my beautiful bride. I am keeping that vow. That's what makes me feel good about myself and my decisions!

    (2) Behavior change is hard. Give yourself a break. Making mistakes is natural; you benefit when you learn from them. Every time you slip, ask yourself—what happened just there? What can I do in the future to prevent that situation? We tend to think that behavior is internally controlled, that we decide what we do. In fact, our behavior is environmentally determined in ways far more powerful than we usually realize. Having trouble with self-control? Consider changing your environment instead. This could mean leaving the house. This could mean disconnecting your internet for the weekend. This could mean lighting a candle and reading a book. This could mean reaching out for support in a twelve-step program. This could mean a lot of things. Try them out, and seek what works best for you, your values, and your lifestyle.

    (3) Make no excuses. Have you considered deleting facebook? How about purchasing accountability software? Or productivity software that only allows you to access social media at given times? I have both accountability software and productivity software. Probably the best ~$150 I spend all year long. If you aren't willing to take drastic steps, then you have to ask yourself how committed to this you really are. We are very good at saying to ourselves, "but I need this!" and "but I can't do without that!" or "but that's not for me." Those are just bullshit excuses. Do what you need to do. This is about you.

    (4) Finally, don't focus on the day count. Focus on today. Live in the present. Celebrate each and every day you are PMO free. Nobody gets a special reward for having a whole bunch of days. The rewards is feeling good about yourself right now, today. Tomorrow is tomorrow's business. Work on what you can do today. The rest will fall into place.
     
  4. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    @Iz7ification -- you can't edge while doing nofap! Never works!

    I kicked the fuck out of my Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat when I began nofap. I use Twitter in moderation. Social media is full of triggers; never know when or where they'll appear. . .

    With that being said, I really need to stop using Twitter.

    Best of luck in your journey.
     
  5. lz7ification

    lz7ification Fapstronaut

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    A close friend of mine told me I'm crazy for trying to abstain from PMO but, she's wrong. She tells her husband can PMO and later have sex with her, and I can do the same, every male can do that... well, I cannot. And for the first time I really recognize that addiction symptoms are real. Today I feel like s***... brain is fogged, I have zero motivation and had really low output at work. Compared to last week, in which I felt vigorous and I generally had a good mood, I feel like I felt into an abyss yet again.

    I decided to delete all suggestive pages from facebook in the end. I don't want to delete my account just yet, but if I continue to slip to it it will have to be done.
    I really need to think about something for the (little) spare time I have, though. I don't want to fall back yet another time.
     
    Deadlihood likes this.
  6. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    I think your friend is ignorant.

    Cheers for deleting the suggestive pages!
     
    slingshot likes this.
  7. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    I have the exact same problem! I don't even have a libido but I can't seem to control myself as the days get closer to double digits.
     
  8. lz7ification

    lz7ification Fapstronaut

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    She's not ignorant, I just think she can't understand my situation...

    I have to add: porn ruins EVERY aspect of my life.
    For example, today my judo sucked. Compared to last week, where I felt a lot of strength and my movements felt like everything was flowing in harmony, today everything felt disconnected. Couldn't get s*** done. Plus, girls were watching me (I'm not bad looking, I look a lot like Ralph Fiennes) and couldn't mantain eye contact. Last week I felt much more confident.
    Plus, it seems my guitar skills have numbed too. Almost like my fingers aren't wired to my brain.

    Seriously, FUCK PORN, FUCK TRIGGERS. I felt so much better without them. Gotta think of something for next week when I hit the wall again.
     
  9. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    I have the same experience. I guess I have had some times in my life that I went a few weeks, a month, and maybe six months pre-nofap. I didn't really notice a difference. Life was okay. I went back to pmo for different reasons. Stress is usually the biggest reason. Depression hits me pretty hard too.

    I discovered nofap about 5 or 6 months ago. I haven't got past 12 days since I've started. I think it's good just to keep doing what your doing. We are at least disrupting the pattern. I don't pmo as much even though I haven't had a long streak. Still I can't say it's been a life changer and I don't think it will be for me.

    Try to work on other things. Nofap is good to work on writing and journaling. I think a lot of us exercise. I have done a lot of different things. Material Arts, lift weights, yoga, tai chi, etc. A lot of stuff is free on youtube but find that filter. Some women might be a trigger on youtube. Doesn't seem to be for me.

    I guess when I first started I thought I would relapse once or twice and then knock out 60 to 90 days. Life happens and I hit some hard times. Just can't hold it together. Takes time to build strength and I don't think mental strength is any different.

    Take your time and be patient with yourself.
     
    Deadlihood likes this.
  10. slingshot

    slingshot Fapstronaut

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    I actually do use social media, but I have very strict rules around its use. My recommendations for social media:

    (1) I have no social media on my phone at all, whatsoever, period. I even disabled my phone's browser. In fact, I can't even download apps; my wife has a restrictions passcode that I asked her to set up for me. Works like a charm. Frankly, the benefits of doing that extend far beyond PMO. I just don't look at my phone as often as I used to. The only times I use social media on my phone is when I am "supervised" and it is time-limited. For instance, while watching the debates, I had my wife install Twitter on my phone, because... well, you can't watch the debates without Twitter. (I mean, you can, of course. Do what works for you).

    (2) I use a productivity blocker that prevents me from accessing social media from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, and 9 to 12, Saturday and Sunday. I also cannot access social media from 10pm through 7am every night. This leaves me windows in the evening, when I'm home with my wife, and on the weekends, when I'm home with my wife, to access social media. This has worked for me for 45 days.

    (3) I use Facebook and Twitter, but I've more or less given up on Instagram and Youtube. Insta and Youtube just have too much triggering content for me. My Facebook is mostly filled with friends and family, and my Twitter is dominated by news/journalism/academia stuff. I am very diligent about blocking users who post triggering content, although frankly, I don't have to do that very often.

    (4) Whenever I sit down, I make a mental note to myself about my risk level based on how tempted to act out I feel. I put a number on it. I'll say, "okay, I'm a 3 right now." If I'm at a 5 or higher, I leave my computer. I just leave it. It's not worth relapsing. Or, if I absolutely have to use my computer for some reason (e.g., to write a report or something like that), I'll set up my productivity blocker to block all internet connectivity for a short period of time.

    (5) My ultimate fail-safe is my accountability software. I use Covenant Eyes, although there are others (search around the forums). It sends reports to my wife, again, by my own choosing. It sends me reports too, but I have them automatically deleted in my email through a filter. I don't even want to see them. I trust that I am conducting myself appropriately, so I don't care to read what the report says. If my wife has a question about something I searched, I tell her up front what it was (and sometimes, it picks up some pretty silly things. I was looking up guitar tabs for a song by the Barenaked Ladies, and it dinged me a dozen times. It was actually kind of funny).

    This is what has worked for me. I should emphasize that no one tool will work in isolation. I use a wide set of tools, including:

    Productivity software
    Accountability software
    A twelve-step group
    NoFap
    Been to a therapist for a time
    Honest conversation with my wife
    Honest self-assessment
    Spirituality/faith
    Psychology
    Experimentation
    Patience

    I used to feel a lot of shame around this stuff. Like, "I'm a grown man. I'm an adult. Why do I need all these limits?" It took me a while to learn that placing limits on yourself is the key to being a successful, mature, and responsible adult. It's really, really hard, and it takes practice and experimentation, but it can be done. Maybe other people don't need limits on their internet usage, but that doesn't affect me. Other people have a problem with alcohol; I don't. I have a problem with internet pornography; others don't. It's all good. If you're here, it means that you recognize that there is a problem and you're looking for a way to take care of yourself.
     
    samsonhanson and Deadlihood like this.
  11. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    @slingshot strikes again with a truthbomb. Will this knowledge fiend ever stop?
     
  12. Its better you filter ur social media pages according to your goal, no one knows better than you about your weakness or strong factors, so you have to make choices according to that only, life is all about choices, cant control porn viewing on social media, control social media(the root cause of problem), keep on trying at-least you have reach to 10-14 days may be in next six month it will be over 1 month and then vanish forever.
    No one counts your attempts, only thing matter is success, so just keep on trying, push yourself beyond your limit:):):)
     
    slingshot likes this.
  13. nofapkev

    nofapkev Fapstronaut

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    Hey man. Let me know if you're open to an accountability partner via whatsapp. I think it's the only way I can manage to get longer streaks.
    I'm in California, hope you're in similar time zone.
     
  14. lz7ification

    lz7ification Fapstronaut

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    Nope, Italy :(

    I don't know if I'll try going with a content filtering software, in my previous experiences it filtered a lot of things I did not want to block and had to spend too much time setting up the filters. Furthermore, right now I don't feel the need to use porn. But that may be because I'm flatlining since Sunday...
     
  15. lz7ification

    lz7ification Fapstronaut

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    Ok, I did it again... after a good number of porn-free days, yesterday I sabotaged myself yet again and fell to porn.

    I installed a content filtering software on my laptop. Since I know myself too well, I wrote down the admin password and took it to my workplace. This way, I won't be able to access it unless I need it and it will be easier to control myself.
    And since I know myself, I know that I have to restrict access on my phone, too, otherwise I will end up falling again (actually I was just thinking about doing that just moments ago). Anyone can give me an advice for a good content filtering software for Android? If it's possible, it should be something which I can lock with a password and then put it away from my home.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2016
  16. eagles228

    eagles228 Guest

    Hey man,

    I had to comment here because your post is exactly what I've been going through. I've been doing nofap for a few years, off and on, and while I still have a problem I'm trying to fix the benefits of just persistently doing it are real. So my first piece of advice would be to realize that your efforts aren't for naught.

    That being said, it's good you want to totally end this thing. I realized the same thing you did, every 10 to 14 days I would look at some form of porn, even if I didn't jerk off. It's been 10 days and I'm doing okay, but I know that could change and that I'm in the phase I've never gotten over before. We just have to get through it.

    Try to avoid the computer, your phone. read books, all the normal NoFap advice. I have a TON of content blockers that make it virtually impossible for me to find porn even if I really wanted. While none are fool proof, they all increase the time it would take me to find porn and therefore increase the likelihood I say no. Look into some!

    Good luck man.
     

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