Complete Reboot in 1 GO.(1 relapse so far)

Those are really helpful suggestions @SnowWhite . I have always had troubles with what I want to do.I seek praise and I'm easily put down by failures and rejection.I guess that became the part of my attitude towards life.I miss life inside me so I get dependent on outworldly things for life.I hope I will make a life out of me in this battle.Thank you very much for valuable suggestions.

 

I wish to share somethings with you all.The girl that I love most in this world again left me yesterday.She started talking in a good way but then suddenly told me she wasn't feeling anything so she can't talk.We have been together for 3 years and almost stopped talking 6 months back but in these couple of days we started talking. She even told me that she misses me and all but all of a sudden she screwed me up.I kept crying yesterday, all day.Didn't even brush my teeth and took a bath.That's the height of depression I go through.I became so weak that I wanted to just go back to my old habits.PMO seems like it will relieve me of all the grief I have.I had really deep urges out of this depression in the night but just slept somehow.Since morning, I was remembering about what she did to me and feeling really low.I began to scroll and look at all the girls I was talking to in PMO days.I even left a message to a girl.I began to touch myself.For a moment, I forgot about that I have come this far and that PMO is long gone.These shitty situations in life beat you to Your knees and beat you again to surrender.I really didn't want to give up urges today.It was making me feel that I will get out of all tje depression but I know that it is going to lead me into a more nasty and helpless state.I didn't want to do it at all but I closed the hangout app.Didn't write anything except a Hi and I will wind up the conversation if the girl replies back.
Friends, I am so weak today.How fucked up it feels when a person That You truly love and want in your life, leaves you like that by saying things you wouldn't imagine but I have made a decision that I will not revert to PMO to counter these feelings if they appear, again.This was the first time in my No PMO journey so far that I feel this depressed and I still didn't give up.I hope I have given you all some strength.God help us all become strong and better human beings.

 

@badeae1
Thank you sir.I've had a good nap and it relaxed me.Feeling much better than I was last night and today's morning. I've made peace with myself.No matter who turns me down, I have to love myself.My dad didn't abuse me.It's the girl but I guess I have to let her go.I do not deserve To go through pain for someone who doesn't care for that pain.It's all right now.I didn't give up.It was the all time low moment for me in the NOFAP journey so things got a little out of control.Also I felt at times I needed help but that doesn't give me a good feeling.I want to give it a best try to get cured by myself. I would never believe that I will not be doing PMO for more than 2 days but here I'm so I will gear up and fight for the betterment of my life and soul and hopefully no good thing ever dies.
Thank you once again.

 

I guess I should delete this thread since I have given up?I was clean for 22 days straight. The worst part is that I didn't have any urges during this time.I've been severely depressed since 2 days due to a personal issue and I wasn't able to do anything. Nothing was working out.I was in a sad state and I just started touching myself.I didn't watch porn.Talked to random girls on Kik and M'ed 3 times. I was thinking that I have changed myself and I would never go back to this life.I lost it.How am I supposed to take things now?

 

Thank you @SnowWhite
I've had troubles fighting personal issues. Couldn't share anything to anyone.It just builds up.It took me 7 days to start a streak again.I didn't think anything in these 7 days other than watching explicit things, talking to girls, PMOing etc but this 22 days journey has somewhere showed me that I am capable of being happy.I'm trying to stand up again.
I have analysed things a lot lately and I realized my life lacks interest, for most of the time.I just want to generate it back.

 

@badeae1
Thank you mate ! I'm on it with you.