1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Rebooting but having sex with the wife and it's causing me problems

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Rc airplane, Oct 17, 2016.

  1. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

    20
    13
    3
    I'm 37 I've been PMO for over 20+ years, while not watching P I would use mental pictures to MO and got in a habit of doing that more than watching porn to MO, I also would have sex with the wife just to O and make it just an O session for myself, well I've went the longest streak in my life I'm at day 13 now from no PMO, or MO, but BUT I've been making LOVE to the wife and having multiple orgasms now just with penetrating alone, but the next day after the O, omg I feel like ***t, lowest I've felt in my life, depressed, mood swings, anxious, and if there is a level to measure my loneliness on a scale of 1-10 ten being the worse loneliness I'd say it's a 19+, the feeling of despair is so great I just want to cry, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, loneliness is insane, I thought refraining from PMO and MO would be ok but I'm rethinking it and going to try hard mode because I'm in despair, what sucks is my wife is beautiful and to turn her down making love is going to crush her and not being intimate with her is going to be freaking hard, this addiction is so powerful and affects all, ALL, aspects of your life, wow
     
    ChangeMattersToMe likes this.
  2. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

    482
    1,051
    123
    Rc airplane likes this.
  3. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

    1,577
    1,567
    143
    @Rc airplane, exactly what sleeping is saying.

    And, if you want to buy an excellent book, I recommend "Cupid's poisoned arrow", by Marnia Robinson. One of the best $20 book I even bought. It will explain all about the mood swings that some people call orgasm hangover, etc....The lazy way to stay in love AKA bonding sex vs mating sex, Karezza could be the solution for you, as long as you can sell sex without O to the wife.

    How is the communication with her? Does she know about your issues with PMO/MO?
     
    Rc airplane likes this.
  4. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

    20
    13
    3
    Thank you for that
    Thank you for that!
     
  5. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

    20
    13
    3
    Thank you for that!! I thought I was ok but after having the O with the wife and then all the chaser effects that happened to me yesterday I now know that I'll have to do it hard mode, I talked to the wife about it last night and she's on board and supports me.
     
  6. You could also be experiencing some dopamine down turning. Remember, when we PMO we're getting surges of the dopamine, which causes the addiction. Your brain will try to level out by dialing down dopamine production and that can cause the symptoms you describe. It should pass.

    Tell your wife how beautiful she is and how much she turns you on. Tell her you really have been wanting to explore your sexuality together and the idea of pleasing her really turns you on and you'd like to mix it up and put the focus on her. Go down on her regularly. As I always say, master your finger work and your tongue skills. Ever try a yani massage? Or some deep snuggling?Get naked and tell her she can touch you anywhere but your dick but you have complete reign over her. Playfully restrain her hands--that totally pits you in the drivers seat.

    Just some ideas that will hopefully help.
     
    Rc airplane likes this.
  7. Rc airplane

    Rc airplane Fapstronaut

    20
    13
    3
    Thanks for that bro
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. dannylomora

    dannylomora Fapstronaut

    121
    64
    28
    Quick story, I have had PIED since 2004. In 2011 during a lull in my marriage, living apart I met a woman online. Went to her place for sex, beautiful girl. Well I knew the sex was going to be bad, I would likely get hard and lose it or not get hard at all, but the excitement of the chase was to good to pass up. MY PIED was pretty bad and was not having sex with my wife cause of it, or when we did it was not great at all. I set my Iphone down next to hers; of course both the same color model. My wife calls me at 11pm on a Saturday night and sure enough my "date" picks up and answers my phone. Long story short, wife calls back and says it's over.

    The woman apologized but I never told her the actual truth, I just went about the night as if nothing happened. Well, what happened next was the strangest physical and mental phenomenon I have ever experienced. When we began to kiss and pet each other, I became erect like a 15 year old and stayed erect for hours with her. I think the mental anguish my wife got when the lady answered my phone weighed so heavily on my mind, my body and mind literally forgot that I had porn induced erectile dysfunction. The next day of course I went back to masturbating to porn. Larger point is, so much of this is mental.
     
  9. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

    403
    334
    63
    I have experienced what you are going through. The shame you feel after a relapse is terrible but you know what that is from. So it gets super confusing when it is with your wife. I have had that happen a lot and everything is slowly returning to where I can please her too while having sex. A lot can depend on how you felt having sex with your wife while you had PIED or quickly O'd without her getting much pleasure. I used to be scared of sex with my wife because of PIED and if I ever got hard it wouldn't last long. I said sorry to her a lot, so most of the time sex just made me feel bad. That can be some cause of it, also you can get the same tired feeling just as you would get during a relapse. It can take a while for everything to get back to normal. I must warn you though, if you go through hard mode and don't tell your wife about your addiction and what you are doing to fix it, you are going to go through some fights that you won't have answer for. If you wife doesn't know about your addiction then you just stop having sex with her she is going to think it is her. Also, most of us start to become generally happier the longer the streak. So you will be happier even though you are turning her down for sex, and she will start to wonder if there is someone else.
     

Share This Page