40 minutes to day 90 - Ekhangel

Yes, it's 40 minutes till full 90 days without any sexual stimulation or watching porn + two or three wet dreams (I hope these don't count as a relapse?).

I must admit with certain degree of shyness that... it wasn't that difficult for me! The first week was quite a challenge. I remember standing in front of a mirror naked, with full erection, and literally howling like a hungry wolf. I did have my "on the verge of wanking" showers, it did take some internal fight occasionally. But then, as time progressed, it was easier and easier.

I can't recall any distinct flatline - my morning erections would come occasionally. I didn't notice any noticeable superpowers too - I'm still much of the lazy bone I used to be before, with the will to improve in many fields but not that much energy for it. Well, I started working out with a friend and swimming. I wonder if this could be attributed to NoFap. I don't know.

And because I'm not sure of how the wanking actually influences my motivations and overall mental condition (I don't mean regular porn watching - just the act of ejaculation), I came up with a probably silly idea of doing a test relapse. I am still considering it. I suspect I won't find it too difficult to just quit after this one MO, since I already managed to do pretty much just that 90 days ago.

Either way, those 90 days for me have been the period of moral pride and feeling of aesthetic superiority in contrast to the utterly promiscuous society of ours. It eliminated this shameful feeling of guilt from my life caused by me regularly contributing to the well-being of porn industry. Before giving up porn, I constantly had to live with a painful internal conflict of both hating what I'm seeing and yet craving for it. I decided to end this forever - to give in to one side only - and chose the light side of the force, as obviously offering longer and more stable self-satisfaction.. The side where one takes responsibility for himself and his actions, the side of self-control for sake of higher good: of his future woman, children, family, society, civilization. The side of moral and physical integrity.

Greetings to my fellow NoFappers - to those who succeeded and those who are en route to success.

 

Ok, I did do a test relapse. No fantasies, no edging, just pure physiology, rushing really. I wonder how this will affect me, if at all. I wonder if the cravings will strengthen now or will my overall energy levels drop. I feel no change as for now, but I will see in the days to come. Maybe I'll regret this for some time, but I just had to know for sure.

 

Thanks. I'm happy of having gotten rid of porn and the never ending internal struggles at the shower (lol). As I said, I MO-d yesterday. Feeling fine now. I had pretty strong urges in the morning - such as I haven't had in a long time. This is most probably a result of the yesterday's ejaculation.

What is also notorious is that I had a dream this night in which I was trying to reactivate relationships with two girls from the past that I wish to forget - especially my ex girlfriend who has been a strong sexual trigger to me that I, with much effort, was eventually able to get out of my mind after those 90 days. I haven't had such dreams for a long time now and I believe having it the night after MO is not a coincidence. This for me is an evidence of the link between physical/physiological conduct and moral/aesthetic one, thus reassuring me in that masturbation is something I absolutely want to avoid.

 

I'm glad to be of use to fellow fapstronauts. As I said before, I am after a "test relapse" (hard to tell how far it resulted from an actual will to do a test or just from rationalization mechanism). I was skeptical about the relapse hitting me hard in terms of overall mentality but... actually, I've been through some depression moments lately that I have not encountered in the recent months since starting NoFap. And these have no distinct reason other than just hormonal shifts.

As for my urges, these are almost non-existent recently.

One important change, however - I am not counting days anymore. I just live on without MO/PMO as if it never was an option to me. I now feel free from this wretched filth of pornography and never ending pangs of conscience. I have restored my moral integrity (on a level that I perhaps never had in my life before!).

I wish you, Strezy, and everyone else, the very best on your path towards lightness.