Hello! this is my story

Greetings fellow fapstronauts!

I'm 22 years old, shy boy from Poland, at the start i want to let you know, im not new to NoFap, yet im new to site itself. I've read some of the successful stories, watched some of the youtube video about it, but in state i was in, wasn't thinking about sharing my own story, i cant really recall excatly when it all started, but it was long ago for sure. I can say it really escalated to enormous size when i was in high school, back then, for 4 years i was watching porn everyday, and fapping almost everyday. Now when im thinking about this time, i feel like this was lost due to my addiction, cuz i was mostly thinking about this, not about interaction with my classmates.

Im quite person, introvert with bad social skills, with low self esteem, so talking to other persons both men and women is kinda hard for me, i have few very good friends, but only same sex as mine, never had a girlfriend. Yes im virgin, hope to change that after i'll reboot successfully (at least i hope so).

I thought i can beat this ilness of mine, only by myself, not talking to anyone about me struggles, but was wrong, and felt miserably, ive reached almost 30 day 2 months ago, during 30 day absence from pornography in any shape of form, ive started to feel really well. But then, it came... relapse struck me like a thunder, then chaser effect kicked in. After this little success on my way to new life, feeling terrible, cant throw away thoughts from my head about porn videos, i watched during relapse. But somehow i managed to stay clean for 2 weeks, but every good thing must end and it ends today as i relapse to the same porn i did 2 weeks earlier. It was hardcore porn (many men on woman), which im only watching during my relapse. Also i wanna add i was reading a lot crazy stories on literotica (which i think messed up my arleady sick head even more) involving same theme like porn i was watching. When urges occur it always starts with literotica, then porn.

I'm happy that i even could stay so many days clean, dont get me wrong, but yeah... i'm striving to overcome it completely. It was my longest streak, before that i could not stay clean for 1 week.

Yeah, i think its all wanted to write, if you wanna know more about me or question about my addiction feel free to ask or give advice or recommend book or video to help solve my problems and be a better person.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes ive made writing this text, english is not my native language, but im learning.

 

Thanks for kind words, i agree, for sure both played a huge role in my addiction, also my acne problems, was really frustrating, but i managed to cure them by taking medicine. My friends, family often tells me to be more confident, easier said than done. But im trying really do, to change myself be more open to people, i thinks its better anyway than couple of years back. But man those mood swings... one day i feel perfect like i could do anything, on the other side, there are days where i feel so bad i dont want to do abosolutely nothing.

I'll keep fighting for sure and posting!

 

Hey D.J. thanks for your reply, sharing my story really helped me stood up from my knees after last relapse.

 

Well, D.J. i've been working a lot past 3 months, so it's really helps keep myself busy. I've always like listening music, but for some reason i discovered today when i was on my way to work, that it's helping me a lot to get into good mood, cuz when i woke up, wasnt felt very well, had headache.

My other strategies are to do some physical activities like gym, shoot some hoops, also need to rewatch some of the videos exsiting on youtube about PMO, they helped me big time.

Wow, just i was typing my reply to the fellow D.J. 3 other post shows up, well hello everyone! i'm glad someone wants even read my shit.

 

I know what you are feeling right now, day 1 is the hardest, but you must stay strong it'll be only better after that, just remember everyday you don't watch P you are making small step to overcome this addiction. You can think it's only 1 day but every little step matters in our fight. My best advice to you is keep yourself busy do what makes you happy as often as you can.