WOMEN have been the downfall of me. here's why

I first want to say I relapsed twice today on day 39, relapsed yesterday with alcohol day 38 and also ate chocolate alot after being drunk. I went 37 days up until that point with no sweets. I fapped because I was hungover.I'm not sad or anything because I know I can do this. for a year in a half I kept saying I can't get to 30 days with nofap and sobriety from alcohol but these past 38 and 39 days have been my best ever streaks when I look back at 2016 I can say I reached my goal and beyond. also to be honest once I hit 30 days I didn't care about day count because nofap just started becoming a life style.

now on to why women have been the downfall of me. when I'm chasing girls, obsessing about girls, fantazing about girls who I'll never ever be with,masterbating or edging to pictures of girls,Watching porn all make me less of a MAN.I'm pretty sure there's more that im leaving it out.
I'm so focused on getting a girl and thinking about girls that I start neglecting other areas of my life and on becoming a better human being. I could be volunteering, going to the gym, enjoying nature, etc. the way my brain is that once I start focusing on getting a girl I get so wrapped up in it that I start getting depressed and fucking up my life because I stop doing things that make me a better person.
I don't want to make this post any longer than it already is but I'll just give this recent example that basically led me to relapsing yesterday with alcohol on day 38 and today on nofap with day 39.
those first 30 days were amazing guys music started sounding better, I actually enjoyed being out in nature, eating cleaner, going to the gym,just to name a few. I was still wanting a girl but that went from 0 to 100 once I hit day 30. I wanted a girl so bad I downloaded dating apps like 5 of them and most of the day I'm swiping and messaging girls to get a connection with one.and I did this for the pass week and the depression set in that I had to have liked and messaged girls at at least 200 girls and not one NOT ONE messaged or liked me back other than the scam ones. my inner demon thoughts crept in on how pathetic that is and I'm not a bad guy and I can't get one girl to like me. that led the flood gates of other thoughts that made me feel like shit because I wanted a connection which led me to relaping yesterday with alcohol on day 38 and today relapsing on day 39 on nofap because I was hungover and I still had that fuck it mind-set. all these relapses were just a matter of time once I hit day 30 and I stopped doing what I had been doing and shifted my focus on to getting a girl I opened Pandora's box.
I don't know what im trying to say maybe I'm just venting I don't hate woman but I realized the minute right after I fapped that they are like poison to me. when I'm focusing on them my life starts falling apart Its like an addiction to girls. my life is so much better when I'm just doing me and not thinking or trying to get a girl.
this is a huge realization that I have come to today

 

I'm glad it helped you i hope this post can save someone on the verge of relapsing also. I never realized that I had an addiction to girls I knew that girls make me want to put a hammer to my head at times but never like an unhealthy addiction to them.I also agree with your post the minute you stop letting life flow to you and you try to control the flow is when your asking for trouble because that's when you let in negative emotions to surface



QUOTE="Freeee, post: 683360, member: 89948"]This is a great post my brother... trust me, your on the right track of mind. Sometimes in life you have to let things flow to you and through you, just live, be you, love you and achieve what you want out of life. Just reading your post helped me realize certain things in certain areas of my life so I would like to say thank you , keep doing what your doing ![/QUOTE]

 

im probably going to butcher this but there's a saying that goes something like faliure is your biggest teacher. it sucks that it takes a slip up or relapse whatever you want to call it to learn from your mistakes but it does. I guess if your looking for loop holes and questioning something just don't do it because it's your addiction trying to outsmart you

 

I'm not blaming them I take responsibility for my actions and my obsessions over them which is why I mentioned I have an unhealthy addiction to them. I definitely agree with what you said and when I think about it maybe the orgasm is overrated because it's fleeting it only last for 2 maybe 3 seconds ? I don't know I never timed it yet. I got to remember this when I want to look at porn or p subs


QUOTE="Green_Tea, post: 684499, member: 94119"]Women themselves are not the problem, it's the attitude one has towards them. Just leave it alone and move on; try not to focus so much on chasing a woman. I know it is difficult because everywhere you look society is reinforcing the supposed "importance" of sex, which will lead to a feeling of incompleteness and inadequacy if one is not having any. Sex does not need to be of great importance unless you prioritize it. I hope things keep improving for you, all the best![/QUOTE]

 

what got me to sobriety before I stopped focusing on recovery and shifted it to getting a girl is transmuting that sexual energy my brother you have to transmute it creatively. sexual energy is the same as creative energy. and use my relapse as a lesson if you do what I do and focus on girls it's going to possibly fuck with your emotions thus leading you back to porn. take it from me relapsing is not worth it 3 seconds a pleasure isn't worth the tsunami of negative emotions that come right after you come back to reality and realize what you just did

 

I probably to need to clarify what I meant when I said women are the downfall of me. that is my unhealthy obsession of women have been the downfall of me


QUOTE="虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ず, post: 684533, member: 90694"]Truth![/QUOTE]

 

I'm needy to and that desperate energy can be dangerous I once dated a girl years ago who was just as if not more needy than me and that relationship was very toxic.
I realized also maybe you to but once I start focusing on getting a girl my world starts revolving around that goal which results in me not doing things for me anymore and things to better myself or make the world a better place anymore