Were porn had lead me to

Hi guys, i just wanted to share with you my experience and were i am in life now, just to show you what porn did to me.
telling you my story wont be easy but i swear to tell all the truth since this is anonymous.
i will go straight to the point, i'm 20 years old, living in my parents house, i have no degree at all, i've stopped my studies this year because of anxiety and panic atttacks, i've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, i have premature ejaculation, i'm always either depressed or axious about everything, i'm nearly never feeling happy and confident, i have a completely auto-destructive behaviour since i've stopped talking to my sister and all of my friends, i never go out to sociolize and every people who knows me view me as a no-life nerd weirdo virgin who is not interesting at all, and i have not self confidence at all, to add to that i have no job, no friends and i'm spending my days playing games or watching twitch or youtube.
i think i've made a pretty good list right here, and no i'm not exagerating anything, this is the sad truth.
the reason i'm telling you that is because i used to fap everyday for 2 years, and 5 times per day the years before, everytime watching porn.
it started with stantard straight porn, girls pics when i was around 8 years old, becaus yes i started masturbating around 8, then straight viedos, then i tried gays videos, and i would watch gay or straight, then i started to get bored so wanted new stuff, so i started whatching younger and youger guys having sex, then it was boring, so i was watching old peoples with young, then all the conbinations possible, and as internet is truly infinite, i've started watching cartoon porn, furry porn, 3d drawing porn, with monsters and all fucked up shit, then hentai, with anime childs in it, then porn games, then i was watching so many different things that i was somehow bored of all that, and i ended up masturbating to a man fucking a cow and another one fucking his dog, and one fucking a sheep, one sucking a horse cock and girls being fucked by any animals they could find.
so here you go, you have my magnificent list of all the types of porn i watched, and propably i forgoted some, and for all the types many vids, many hours of my life lost and many hours really harful to my mental health.
now i'm 20, not able to even ask a girl out or even ask her name, alone with my parents, wich are the only persons in this wolrd that makes that i've not yet cut my throat open, and i'm depressed, sad, always exhausted, nothing in life motivates me anymore and i have no idea what will happen next in my life.
but i'm not even here to complain, i'm here because the only thing who could make me feel any better would be if sharing my experience could help people not doing the same mistakes that i've made, and maybe convincing them that the porn industry wich is one of the most lucrative in the world is actually controlling you and our modern society, and how dangerous and harmful porn is. but masturbation even without porn can lead to one of my biggest self confidence problem which is premature ejaculation, because premature ejaculation is in all the case except really rare ones, a psychological issue that occure when masturbating too much and at a too young age.
so masturbating is a totally natural action yes, but it doesn't mean that you have to masturbate, and too much masturbation, as everything else when it's over done, is harmful, and encouraging masturbation is really stupid, because if you feel shame by doing it, that means that your brain, your consciousness does not want you to do that.
many natural things can be dangerous. masturbating will actually make you lazy and without energy and it's because it acts the same way as drugs, when you ejaculate, your brain realease high levels of domapmine and serotonine, so you want to do it more and more, and it's so easy to get this high, even doctors tells you it's perfectly fine, that's the most stupid things i've seen, because dopamine rushes happen when you have done your job well or when you have been working out, so it rewards you so you keep doing stuff that are good and productive for your life, but if you masturbate all the time, you can get this reward without any effort, so you get lazy because if you can get your reward without doing anything, why would you force yourself to work out or study or anything.
that's were masturbating is destructive, it destruct your will and your motivation, it make your dreams far from you and it transform you in a worthless shit and makes you lazy and uninterresting. and masturbation is one of this addictions, so before asking some suppositely scientifical studies showing if mastubating is good or bad for you, maybe look up for real people telling their stories, because it's much more reliable, and the majority of studies are actually being paid to show certain results, that's why you can see often 2 studies being made by 2 different scientific teams in the sames conditions showing opposite results, because you can actually detrmine by advance the result of a study by apllying yourself the parameters and the conditions of the study. why do you think that tobacco, wich is know knowned to be as addictive as cocaine or heroine, is completely legal to buy in most countries of the wolrd, even if the first cause of cancer worldwide is from smoking, well that's because tobbacco industries are lobbying our governements by giving millions to important deputys and such to make them to always vote in favour of legal sell of tobacco, porn is propably doing the same thing, they are paying studies, and were it's even more perverse from the porn industry is that by a way that i can't understand, they have made that people who claims themselfs as sexologues go into middles schools to tell young and innocent teenagers that masturbating is good, and that's the worst thing ever.
anyway i hope that i've helped you if you were asking yousrelf if masturbating is bad or not, all i can tell you is to stop trusting studies and to trust life experince of other peoples
So if you don't want your life to be like mine, don't masturbate too much, and stop watching porn for good.
because now i don't know if i will ever be happy again and all the life possibilities that i could follow doesn't interest me and i'm just no interested in anything anymore, i don't know what to do because i don't want the salary married with 2 childrens life, and i'm too lazy and i have too much anxiety to go out and make my own path in life, so i'm stuck, in like a gap between time, has it has stopped and i can't go anywhere because either i'm too sacred or i'm too lazy to act.
so porn have destructed my life, and my anxiety comes from people bullying me for years, it has nothing to do here but i would still want to show people that bullying other is fun at the moment but it can have horrible consequences on others life, anyway i've said what i had to say on masturbation, of course i'm not here to say what you have to do or to give lessons of life as i'm myself a pathetic looser, i just want to show what it has done to me.

 

hi guys thanks for your answers, to be honest i was worried that there could be argressive comments about the weird things i watched, and you guys were just kind and helpful as everyone i encountered on this site so that's just great, you are great peoples.

@Everything999 yes i'll try my hardest to change because i just hate more that anyone esle the person i am right now.

@haijulikani.s thanks man for your words, and i agree with you i'm the only one who can do something about myself because i'm the only one to blame for the person i'm now and i hope that sharing my errors will help others to not do the same mistakes.

@NwOr. i completely feel you man i had the exact same shame and hate feeling about myself after watching weird things, and it has not helped me with the way i see sex now, but you can quit it for sure and the fact that you are here is the first step for it, because understanding what is dangerous for you is really important, and i hope that we can help people realizing how bad and disturbing porn is before they get to our point.

@outedskeleton well the first thing i've done was stopping watching fucked up things and watching regular porn only, then i started to masturbate less, and the fact that i was watching always same kind of porn was boring me so it helped me to masturbate less because i had less interest in it, then i started to masturbate more without porn and then i've nearly completely stopped porn and i was masturbating really less, i had more energy and i started taking care of myself and all, and then i started my first college year and i had to stop because i had way to much anxiety, and the three months i've spend in college had me back to my old porn habits because of the anxiety i was trying to relief, but now i'm back home and i can start to fight this again.

@Bigballs exactly but my first goal is to show people the dangers of porn because back then i had no idea how bad it was for me to watch it, and all my friends were watching porn too, we were talking about it as it were a normal thing to do and even at television or in films you can see sex scenes everywere that make you think that it's fine to watch porn, but then it become too much and too fucked up and you end up with serious sexual and personality problems.

@tweeby exactly man thanks for the encouragements

@RepentMySins thanks man, i've actually hesitated for long before to do that but i've realized that it could help others not to come to that point, and that it could even benefits me to talk about it and to show other guys how far, disturbing and uncontrolled things can get with porn, because there is a lot of guys out there that are not aware of the dangers porn represents.

@Scruff thanks for the motivation i'll need it, and yes relapsing sucks but masturbating without porn is far better than watching porn, so i think that the most important thing is to first stop porn, take my energy and good luck for your fight man. by the way i have boobs too.

again thanks to all of you, you are really nice and comprehensive people and the world would be so much better with more guys like you, good luck to all of you and i hope that we will make the world a better place.