rebooting-stress

Yoyoyo,

So my story is kinda ... strange I guess. I started fapping and watching porn at the age of 14, but like almost exactly a year later I found this website and I decided that I was lucky discovering nofap this early and I successfully stopped (1.5 years 4 times masturbated)(yes it might not have been "an addiction" but I wanna compare my before-after results). However while I saw all the people of nofap getting positive results my results weren't really... the ones I was hoping for. Yes, I stopped nofap because of the insecurity, the loss of emotional connection, the no-motivation/ self-belief,... , we all know the disadvantages. But to be honest my life kinda became worse after nofap (and ive tried 1.5 years). I got stress, and the stress became more... and more stress... In my throat I got a painful feeling that wouldnt go away (because of stress the doctor confirmed), I started analysing and thinking about everything, I got emotional numbness and I couldn't concentrate anymore, my sleep became worse, I couldnt feel anything anymore while I was a really sensitive and intelligent (dont wanna sound arrogant) before. I was tired and no energy for almost all the time. I couldn't enjoy anything anymore, wasn't happy, stress all the time... . I wasn't feeling sad, but i wasn't feeling sad either. I felt nothing. I got visual snow (guess it comes together with stress). But I wanted to keep the nofap 'journey' going as I thought I still wanted the advantages. And I kept reading here for motivation. I tried cold showers, meditating, running, everything.
So I was thinking do I have a depression? I went to the doctor and at the end I asked him about masturabation. And he said it was normal, that hormones (certainly during puberty because of mass-productivity) need to leave the body. (Im 17 now btw). And I respect the man a lot.
So like one month ago, yup I started fapping again. Look I truly respect your guys goals with the nofap journey and I want them myself as well (certainly the movation, the energy, and the emotions that I do as well lack a bit in my fap-period). But in this month the awful feeling in my throat, the stress dissapeared and I atleast got a few moments of joy and my exams were actually great (my concentration was better).
But still, I'd love nofap to work and I want the benefits, because with fapping I also feel less motivation and ambition, I want to be a driven person if that makes sense. I want to be happy, with my emotions again. So I wanted to ask if there were people who had the same problem as me or people who have tips to reduce the stress... Certainly dont wanna promote fapping but I really need a solution for this.

-Thanks -Bart

 

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Heyy, really thanks for all the responses!
I'll give some more of my 'background' (I'm Belgian btw so sorry for possible grammar mistakes ).
I have always sported a lot, since my 5 yo, I played football(soccer) and tennis all the time in clubs, and at school I always was one of the more intelligent people (again, I don't wanna be arrogant), I have also always been pretty shy, however to people I know well I'm not shy. I've as well always been very emotional for a boy/guy, I used to cry a lot but my energy and enthusiasm were trough the roof sometimes. I also never slept well because of all the energy but hey... I loved myself I guess.
However then I went to middle school, more school work, and at soccer I kinda lost my friends (they all became D-bags if you ask me, they were laughing at me cos i was skinny and I just didn't play very well and I guess they had an early puberty while I was pretty late) and my trainer also thrash talked about me. It wasn't exactly bullying but it wasn't fun either. So when I was 14 (I continued playing for a few years cos I liked football and once you stop it's difficult to get back) I stopped playing soccer. I had met this friend at school as well who gamed a lot and he kinda got me into gaming (no shooters; minecraft and fifa). So I stopped playing soccer, continued playing tennis once a week but wasn't exactly fun either anymore because once a week was not enough to get a high level and my motivation was kinda gone as well. I played games more and more and I thought about them when I wasn't even gaming, and when I was 15 I discovered porn and masturbation. I then think I masturbated on a daily basis approx fot the next year. It wasn't really a huge addiction to me but still, I saw the effect it had on me (less motivation, energy, emotions). My grandfather died, who I had a strong connection with (he's been to Congo for 15 years, he sported a lot, and my parents argued a lot but while when i was with him and my granny it felt... calmer). So I remember having all the respect in the world for him and him being my main example. But he died, and I didn't feel anything, while I used to be so emotional... . Only thing that interested me were games and porn/fapping... .
So I came across this site searching for reasons why I wasn't emotional, energetic... anymore and I kinda felt blessed. I felt blessed with the knowledge that PMO is bad. So I quit PMO almost instantly, first one week, then another week, then 3 months, then I fapped but immediately a 6 month streak, then again a fap but then again a 6 month streak so I consider(ed) myself as cured from PMO.
But then after this 1.5 years I consider myself as... worse? Cos ya ofcourse I had no leisure, sports,... in my free time. I began to analyze anything, I got such an amount of stress for absolutely no reason (I cut down the gaming to like 5 hours a week btw), and because of the stress I couldn't concentrate, not even on a film or on a book, and the stress wouldn't go away and I couldn't enjoy anything anymore. My sleep became worse with all the stress, I began running (each day half an hour) till my condition was decent (8 miles in 45 mins) and it made the stress a bit better but it would come back anyways. So physically I felt the improvements (better condition) and if I was a prof sporter I wouldn't fap as well but since I'm not... well idk. And ofcourse with all the stress if you don't know what you find fun to do or what you enjoy you don't know how to improve. Because of the stress my emotions went even further away, I can't feel friendship or connections or when I watch a film I don't feel emotions... I think about everything... And I got this feeling in my throat (confirmed because of the stress) that made me feel even worse. It felt like I wasn't even living anymore, that I escaped reality. I also slept very bad, waking up a few times per night and waking up with the stress. I didn't feel happy at all, but I also couldn't say I was sad..; there were just no emotions. For everyone out I just had to act like I was fine...
So after ging to the doctor I decided to fap again. I rather wouldn't have to do it but it was the only solution I felt. Now again, I don't feel motivated, or energeticized. But I feel at least relaxed a bit and I feel more sad than happy now but atleast I feel these emotions. The feeling in the throat is gone which is awesome. I also (before I started fapping again) started athleticism twice a week an hour but I still didn't really enjoy it (might be because it's not my type of sport, might be because of my 'emotional state' still idk). Next year I'm going to university probably (no idea what I wanna do, still need to find out what I enjoy).
So like I still don't really have a goal or useful stuff I do in my free time, and I still would prefer to live by nofap (and the nofap benefits(emotions mainly)) but I can't live with the stress I had.
I still love sports but I find it difficult to start doing soccer for example again for example because the people are generally pretty macho…) my level has dropped a lot, and imp robs going to university next year.



I didn't wanna sound arrogant by telling this all but it's kinda my story and I hope it helps.

I’ve tried meditation but it didn’t really work and I cant imagine that being the only solution contra-stress. I’ve also gone to the gym but I seriously don’t like it tbh. Being muscled has never interested me.

I indeed don’t think I need to expect crazy results, I’m happy that I found the community early enough.
Silentman: I’d like to get in touch with you, really thanks.



So again, sorry if I'm too egocentric cause that's really not how I mean it. And really really thanks for the responses, truly appreciate them!!

-Bart

 

thanks, will sure do