HOCD thoughts get worse the more you abstain?

Hello Eclipsed,

Firstly, I've come to realize I absolutely have an addiction. I was a twice a day fapper for a good 10 years of my life. Lots of negativity from it. Often we seem to think it's completely normal without stopping to see if we really could go without. That's what happened to me. I won't ever go back.

With regards to the unwanted attractions, could this be a result of previous porn use? It's an interesting question you raise. I have developed a fetish over many years of porn use. And it's completely at odds to what I find attractive in women. I don't know whether I have created this (more perverted) version of myself after years of searching for that more extreme dopamine hit online, or whether it was there inside all along. But anyway, I feel it getting more intense when I go on long streaks (after an initial few days of flat-lining). Normal women also become immensely more attractive to me, but I am also hugely beholden to porn fetishes striking back with vengeance, which I more and more seem to want/need to enact in real life.

Maybe there are some parallels here? Maybe it's not you but what has been created through porn consumption?

 

OCD I have no experience of. I have suffered/suffer from anxiety and depression but these tend to do better when I'm abstaining.

 

I do get pretty extreme cases of HOCD somewhere around the 2-3 week mark during my streak. A lot of people seem to report increased intrusive thoughts during this time; the only real solution is to push on and see if it gets better after the first 30 days or so.

Because having gay thoughts when you are a straight guy is perverted.

 

From the countless articles I've read on YBOP, you have to go through a lengthy reboot period before these desires go away, but they will in fact go away. So 5 days just isn't enough time to get your brain back to "factory settings". It's a long road, I know, but it'll be worth it in the end.

 

Literally just say I love pussy till its true.

 

Just call it OCD. Checking if you're gay is no different than another OCD sufferer compulsively checking if they've left the stove on, or if their significant other is "the one" or if their healthy child has terminal cancer. It's just as irrational.

You have to remember that OCD is a monster, and it should never be fed. "Checking" is food for the monster. "Well I looked at straight porn three times but then I looked at transgender porn but then I saw a hot guy in public..." No! Refuse to obsess. Tell yourself it doesn't matter. Next time you have what you consider a gay thought, say "If that makes me gay, no one will care. I'm going to move on with my life and not worry about that."

 

Caution may be offensive******************

This whole "gay" thing has caused a lot of damage for people, IMO. Don't do homosexuality for the same reason you want to stop fapping and looking at porn they are harmful to you. If you don't believe it's psychologically and emotionally harmful that it can be addictive and eat up your soul then at least realize it is physically harmful and the most dangerous thing you can do sexually if you're catching.

Guys all seem to have this crazy idea that they are unable to do anything gay and that their sex organs are repulsed by anything gay. Yet if you spend your life looking for satisfaction from sex [ chasing dragons, IMO] constantly craving sex, sexual pleasure, jerking off, getting yourself off it's not that different from being a homosexual, to begin with. IMO homosexuality, fetishes they are all aberrant behaviors and can be extremely addictive and harmful.

Whatever the case if you do think there is such a thing as being born with a homosexual orientation. Personally, I don't think the sex drive was meant for anything other than procreation. I'm not religious I just think that from experience and from a logical perspective. But if you do think that at least realize you don't have to have sex. If your straight you don't need sex! That is a myth! It's not some miracle that will change your life and give you satisfaction or make you happy and likewise neither will homosexuality.

The difference is, is that male sexuality as we all know gets ever stronger the more you indulge it and with multiple guys going at it the potential for things to get out of control [ obsessive and beyond what is healty] is exponentially higher than in heterosexuality.

Another thing is that this whole being gay thing and worrying about it makes you manipulate your mind into desiring women more in hopes of not being gay. You end up romanticizing women, imagining they are better than they are and putting far too much value on them in hopes of assuring yourself you're not gay. Which could lead to your being abused by women and taken advantage of.

As for this guy when you were 13 how old was he? Sounds like he sexually abused you regardless of his age and if he was older he was a child or teen molester who took advantage of a vulnerable ignorant youth. Fuck that piece of shit!

 

Hello evrybody ,
this is my story ,

i used to Pmo since 13 YO , was PMOing even 4 times day , i tryed to stop but i couldn't evry time i go back to PMO ,

when i had 19 YO i was sobber for 20 days
but suddenly a HOCD thoughst appeard and
and i had extream anxeity about it for weeks , i never thoughts about Withrawals so i went to psychologist after 4 months suffring from HOCD that time i did not recongnize what is happning and i was just masturbating ,
so the psychologist doctor gave me medicines and diagnosed me with OCD ( knowing that i did not talk about PMO with hime )
after weeks of antidepressants i felt good and i went back to PMO and i statted gaining weight a lot ! after that doctor start reducing medicines and i start having other thems of OCD + HOCD ,
days after days and still suffring for 5 years after that from OCD and PMOING at same time a things going made , ( depression anxiety , brain fog , lack of motivation ... )

i came across NOFAP and i anderstood that i might be misdiagnosed and that days when hocd poped up was only withrawals ,

today is 141 Days of nofap , and things got worse , ocd quardupaled , depression as hell no motivations , horrible thoughts and im waiting to see light at the end of the tunnel

NB : i was a heavy PMOer , min 3 times a day

plllzz help me if im in the right direction .