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Sex felt like a relapse

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BigCheese, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. BigCheese

    BigCheese Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday I was on day 46 without PMO. I ended up having sex with a girl, and I dropped a pretty big load. Today, although i felt happier and confident, I felt like I lost my masculinity lol. Before when my balls were full, I had that more aggressive attitude, and literally just didn't give a shit. Today I went to the gym and couldn't really hold eye contact with other males without feeling vulnerable.

    Wondering if anything experienced anything similar
     
    MrSuccess17 likes this.
  2. I felt similar after sex with my gf, it felt like a relapse. I'm abstaining complety from sex for as long as I can to fully complete my reboot.

    As long as you dont PMO then you haven't relapsed, so I'd hang in there buddy if I was you, maybe rule out sex completely. All the best anyway whatever you do!!!
     
  3. Makavel!

    Makavel! Fapstronaut

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    Yep same here, but after a week of no PMO. The similarities are there, as If it was a relapse.
    I don't know what to say If that is the cause or if it's as bad as it feels.
    But as @MrSuccess17 mentioned it can't be considered a failure so don't let it bother you.
     
  4. Roronoa

    Roronoa Fapstronaut

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    So are you saying here that not having sex is part of the challenge? Because nofap challenge is supposed to improve your relationships right? Honestly, I am 18 years old and I'm still virgin, and my main problem right now is Masturbation. But does it necessarily mean that you can't have sex like any normal guy?
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2023
  5. It depends on the parameters you set for yourself. Going Hard Mode - which is no sex, M, or O at all (and obviously no P), is the way some choose to go and has been hailed as the quickest way to rewire your brain. For others, especially those who are in relationships (myself included), sex is part of the rebooting process so as to not deny the partner from pleasure while recovering. Regardless, intimacy with another person is encouraged because that generally doesn't contribute to porn addiction. It's replacing physical intimacy with pixels so as to flood the pleasure center of the brain with the unrealistic drug that is porn which is the problem. Obvious exceptions exists such as escorts or prostitution, but then that's going into a different realm of potential sex addiction.

    Since you're still a virgin, and I assume you're not in a relationship, then I would suggest Hard Mode would be ideal for you so as to reboot as fast as possible. That way, when you do meet a girl in the near future who will become your first, you will have the confidence and physical capability to follow through without any concern of porn addicted side effects.
     
    Roronoa likes this.
  6. Roronoa

    Roronoa Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your advice, I always find advice from older and more experienced people useful. I was wondering how I can manage to go for longer periods without PMO considering that I have to study alone in my room for long periods of time (btw sry for using your thread to post my questions bigcheese).
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2023
  7. I think what it comes down to is identifying specifically what your triggers are and then changing your response to them. This requires a bit of thought, analysis, and even experimentation. If you find studying alone in your room is your primary trigger, then a possible solution would be to find a public place to study. If you start habitually studying at a Starbucks and find yourself discreetly surfing porn over their wireless, then perhaps being alone wasn't the right trigger. Maybe it's one of the 4 from HALT (Hunger Angry Lonely Tired), or maybe it's boredom. Regardless, once you've identified the triggers which drive you to PMO, then you can plan for them and develop alternate routines. This is a very basic description of the habit loop: cues, routines, rewards. The cues are our triggers, and those will always be there. The rewards are what we crave in response to our cues. The routine is the path that bridges the 2. Change the routine to something healthier that will give you a similar reward, and you've disrupted your PMO habit. Do it for long enough, and you're brain is rewired.

    Probably the best piece of advice I can give you for studying alone is to disrupt the urge. When you find yourself fighting the urge to PMO - it's time to take a break. Get up from your computer or desk or wherever you're studying and go for a quick walk. Drink some coffee. Do a few push-ups. Stretch. Anything - as long as it's doing something different. When done successfully, you'll find the urge loses it's power. Continuing what you're doing and mentally fighting the urge using willpower alone is a sure way to lose.

    In addition, I would recommend starting a journal if you haven't already and commit to regular updates on your progress. Document your habits and your plans for changing them, and you'll eventually start seeing patterns that you can use to help yourself. Just know that this is possible - you can fight this and you can beat it. It will take effort and vigilance on your part, but the benefits of living a life free of PMO is well worth it.
     

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