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I've never had a relationship, but nofap is preparing me for when I do.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Time4aChange, May 25, 2014.

  1. Ronin

    Ronin Fapstronaut

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    Man look. This is only my opinion, notr trying to discourage anyone here....

    I really don't think that by the simple act of stopping this fap thing will automatically give you a girlfriend/partner. Seriously guys...it's silly.

    The only thing you can do about it is yourselves, and I am in no better shape than the rest of you - I'm 21, never kissed a female, hell, never even hugged one for fucks sake and I know cristal clear that it's not because of fapping, it's because of ME. I have to change MYSELF. I just thought that taking out pornography and masturbation will be only one of the steps to improve myself in that aspect, but even so - I don't believe in fairy tales...I don't believe that by chance you will meet "the one". I honestly believe that it's probably one of the hardest things for someone like me and I even contemplate the fact that I might just remain a loner my whole life long...it's sad, and as much as I don't like admitting it, it really makes me feel down :(

    Least thing I can do is to not whack my dick to pixels...that's it.
     
  2. Time4aChange

    Time4aChange Fapstronaut

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    NoFap to many people is about way more than just stopping porn and masturbation. Many of us are using all that extra time and energy to improve ourselves in many other areas. NoFap for me is a jump start to getting my life where I want it to be.

    I plan on having better relationships with everyone I meet, including women. I know I would be a better partner if I wasn't masturbating to porn all the time.

    NoFap itself isn't going to get me a relationship.

    The person I become because I've stopped PMO and am making improvements in my career, my social life, my spiritual life, and handling my emotions better is what is going to lead to being better in a relationship.

    Keep on going with nofap, don't give up. You will see more changes in yourself than just not fapping to pixels anymore.
     
  3. Blackmilk

    Blackmilk Fapstronaut

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    Typically those on the nofap journey aren't doing it because it will suddenly cause them to meet 'the one.' It's more so about bettering yourself, finding who you are, not hiding from emotions (which the 'porn haze' numbs) but facing them, seeing women as human beings and not a sexual piece of meat, and lessening the chances of ED and other porn related issues.

    SA causes people to become lazy, emotionally numb, and isolated, just to name a few things. Not giving in to it and pursuing a more 'pure' outlook on life you start to socialise more and enjoy life more giving opportunity to meet 'the one.'
     
  4. Ronin

    Ronin Fapstronaut

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    I get where both you and mr Time4aChange are going. I understand.

    What I meant before: picture someone who is not a very social person (i.e: me) even in the long run, nofap sure will be an improvement, but won't change me in any major way. Maybe my productivity will be better cause I will have more energy, but it will definitely not turn me into superman, or make me suddenly want to go out like crazy (practically that is the only way to meet a potential partner).

    Opportunity to meet "the one" implies not being socially awkward. It's not just masturbation that makes you be like that. I started fapping since I was 16, but I was messed up from a social perspective way before that.

    What I'm trying to say is that someone like me might not get the same amount of improvement as others would, except if I'd resort to other methods.
     
  5. Time4aChange

    Time4aChange Fapstronaut

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    Then do whatever it takes to have the kind of life you want. Keep going with nofap. Learn to become more social. Begin to deal with whatever has happened in your past. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing things that will get you where you want to be.

    Nofap alone isn't the cure. It's dealing with all the issues that led you to porn and masturbation in the first place.
     
  6. Ronin

    Ronin Fapstronaut

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    Easy to say, hard to do.

    But I intend to keep on nofap for as long as I can and see what happens.
     
  7. Well I've had a girl friend but I've never had sex and I'm older than you so just know that you are not alone.
    know that once you quit masturbation as a habit that you will get some self confidence as you can look in a girls eyes and not have to wonder if she can tell that you are a masturbator like you have to worry about now.

    just deciding now makes you a non masturbator, Right Now! So there you go and you will have much more confidence, ( I know I do), because you can look at the other guys in the room of a party or club and know that in a very special way you are changing your life for the better, to stand out in a cloud of sexually active guys that sleep around and masturbate all the time.

    you are preparing yourself for your future wife...

    then, as far as only going out with a hottie, most are not too deep so stear clear and just try this instead...
    Never just settle, but...

    Pick a girl that takes care of herself, is kind and most importantly, CUTE Enough To Kiss... And I mean a lot and I know you will fall in love with her real beauty.
    virginpaul
     
  8. Blackmilk

    Blackmilk Fapstronaut

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    I second both the posts made by Change and Paul. It's about changing for you. Become the person you want to be and live life to your fullest potential.
     
  9. Ronin

    Ronin Fapstronaut

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    Appretiate the encouragement from all of you guys. Thanks.
     
  10. FreddyNz

    FreddyNz Fapstronaut

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    Skipped thru a lot of the posts in this blog, saw a common theme, had to comment. Seems a lot of guys have never had a G/F... the question I have is this.... have you or are you simply friends with any girls? It doesn't have to be either/or.. treat females just as you do guys and simply be friendly, with no ulterior motives. Takes all the pressure off and you'll find the simple joy of knowing girls/women as just friends, from there if something develops all the better, but if not you'll learn to be comfortable around girls (they are just people like you and me and love having guys as friends). I have more female friends than male and prefer their company, I joke a lot (the easiest way to a woman's heart is to make her laugh). Some might think it's harder than it sounds, it's not at all, it only becomes hard if you keep thinking "she might be the one" ! Also one simple but effective tip, all females love to talk about themselves (and I don't mean this disparagingly), just ask questions that require more than a one word answer. In no time at all you'll be striking up wonderful conversations ! Think you don't know any girls... worng... what about the girl who serves you coffee, have you ever asked her how her day's going? or why she enjoys serving coffee... asked her what her favourite brew is? etc etc. Ok maybe a coffee shop isn't the most casual place for conversation, the point is you meet girls every day, and with determined practice, will soon have more conversations than you know what to do with.
    One finale tip, if you meet a woman with children, you have an instant conversation starter right there... Women LOVE talking about their children!
    Personally I'm around women all day as I'm a technician who's job takes me to ppl's houses, if I havn't made them laugh and had even a short conversation b/4 I'm done then I consider it a failure. My opening line tends to be admiring something in their home they'd obviously be proud of and are more than willing to talk about... esp if it's a nice garden ! I don't have the slightest ulterior motive other than a pleasant conversation.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2014
  11. FreddyNz

    FreddyNz Fapstronaut

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    Tested my own advice tonite on a whim.. went to a supermarket to buy some things, chose a pretty young check-out girl to go to (often the hardest to approach)... smiled at her while saying hello, she smiled back, started asking her lots of questions.. how was her day, how long to go on her shift, did she enjoy her job, which chicken did she recommend I buy... ended up talking about her, had her smiling and eventually laughing, she gave me extra chicken for I assume being nice, wished her a nice night to which she gave me a huge smile while wishing me a nice one too.. all this in about 4 minutes, and what a lovely 4 minutes it was! This is how you practice, in time it just flows naturally... believe me when I say your day becomes so much more enjoyable, and ironically the desire to PMO rarely ever enters your mind.
     
  12. Time4aChange

    Time4aChange Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Freddy, I know I really needed to hear that right now. Thanks for reminding us what's important.
     
  13. FreddyNz

    FreddyNz Fapstronaut

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    You're most welcome :) I think most of the problem lies in the tendency of putting girls on some unattainable pedestal, how dare we mere men even think to talk to them, much less become friendly. But as hard as it is for you, it's even harder for them, they are going thru so many changes, coupled with societies unreasonable demand they become some sort of a goddess, be and look extremely attractive, wear certain clothes, act a certain way. How refreshing for them when a guy treats them as a person instead, enjoys talking to them and actually listens to what they have to say... the more you do this, the more joy you will find being around girls/women, the less lonely you will feel and the less you will think to resort to PMO for your "fix".
     
  14. Time4aChange

    Time4aChange Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, I've been starting to experience this lately :)
     
  15. Time4aChange

    Time4aChange Fapstronaut

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    Just a little update here... I've met a really nice lady. We're taking things slow, but she could very well be the first girlfriend I've ever had. Things are starting to get better :)
     
  16. Yada91

    Yada91 Fapstronaut

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    That right there is Golddust, that's brilliant. That's the next step and I feel confident I can pull that off even though I'm an ugly b***ard ha ha!
     
  17. ReekIsBorn

    ReekIsBorn Fapstronaut

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    I personally don't think looks matter to women near as much as us men think, unless they're shallow. But do you really want to be with someone like that anyways? Women are attracted to confidence more than anything which is why most of us have failed with women in the past, it's pretty much a downward spiral if you don't have confidence. But I digress, unless you're like four hundred pounds and don't ever shower you will be fine. Just approach women with a smile and ask them about them and their life. BTW dressing with style, collared shirt and the like, does wonders...trust me.
     
  18. MTK

    MTK Fapstronaut

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    Make no mistake, physical attractiveness DOES matter. And it can help your chances with women dramatically. The good thing is - in my experience - you don't have to be Adam Levine to be attractive to women. Fashion sense, facial hair, posture, the way you walk (seriously), white teeth and smelling good all matter a lot. Not to sound cocky in any way, but I have 0 problems getting women in spite of the same ridiculous social anxiety / social awkwardness you guys describe.

    Sweet manly beard? Yep. Stylish (borderline gay) clothes? Mhmm. White teeth and perpetually fresh breath? You betcha... and as a result, women will Snapchat me things like "Your smile does things to me" (that's an actual quote btw). I had some girl I didn't know come up to me at a party and whisper "I wanna jump you right now." She was hot. I was super nervous. I turned her down.

    That said, the social anxiety thing matters because you won't be able to sustain a REAL relationship just by looking / smelling like a million bucks. You'll def up your hookup count, but it'll never progress beyond sex. So try to foster your social skills. They're called social SKILLS because you can practice and improve them, just like any other skill.
     
  19. RegainingStrenght

    RegainingStrenght Fapstronaut

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    If this is a book (one book that would more or less turn this all around) it is called : The Roadless Travelled, if you buy it and read it and practise it i can promise you a new perspective on life
     

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