Wife libido

It's kind of a what came first the chicken or the egg.

Did the ED start before the libido loss???

 

Eken,

I know that's not easy to deal with. Three weeks of nothing going on is a LONG time.
What to do depends on the cause of your wife's low libido. Without knowing any details, there are so many possible reasons...

Could it be chronic pain, fatigue, stress, mild depression? In which case helping her out and working with her doctor might help.
Could it be that some of the the "mystery" is gone from your relationship? In which case, maybe shower and shave after work and before dinner, like you would on a first date? Could it be the type of work she is doing? Sad to say, changing diapers and tending to the elderly will kill some women's libido deader than anything. (Unfortunately I don't really have any advice in that case.) Could it be that you're both too busy for quality romantic time? Some lifestyle changes may be good then.

Could it be... you? When was the last time you went out of your way to do something nice for her? A counselor once recommended to my husband and I this exercise: to each pick a "Do Anything For You" day, in which one day per week, one partner does anything the other wants, something more special than usual (maybe sexual, maybe not). One day for you, one day for her, each week. Like tit-for-tat, a game. Who knows, it might be really good. At least you'll both get something out of it from the first week!

Also, I do know that in a healthy relationship, there is a lot lot lot lot lot more flirtation and kissing and cuddling and talking throughout the day than sex. Just sex would get mechanical, routine, dull, right? So, if you're not already doing a lot of this, maybe take an extra moment for a sexy squeeze at times when you can't have sex, and repeat many times throughout the day? That might get things started at least.

Best of luck. Hope this helps.

 

I don't think your wife's libido is that bad. I read years ago when they were updating the Kinsey study that 20% of couples married over 3 years described their frequency as a few times a year. That's a minority but a fairly large portion of the population. Another smaller percentage was even less than that.

When your partners libido changes for the worse you should be concerned, and it's worth discussion. But in the end it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything is wrong. Sometimes people just change over time.

Personally my wife's libido dropped to where she was only interested about 3-4 times a year. We talked and thought we understood the reasons, but as soon as we would get one issue behind us another would arise. After 10 years of one thing after another i just had to accept that we weren't ever going to be on the same level of desire again.

I'm just saying, it could be worse, and if she's interested once a month that's really not all that unusual.

 

Sorry to move the attention to me, but this thread is exactly what I'm looking for. But my girlfriend is 19, and I'm 18. My girlfriend thinks three times a week is too much. So for the majority of weeks, we only have sex twice, but it is not uncommon for it to be only once.

I talk to other people my age, and some say they have sex with their girlfriend more than five times in a day. Granted, this doesn't happen every day of the week for them.

I just think it is extremely uncommon for my girlfriend's libido to be so low at this age. Especially considering how much effort I put into the relationship. I do something nice for her at least once per week: massages, dinner/movie dates, chocolate, and I'm currently making her a straw hat (talk about countless hours of work). I know I'm not bad at sex because I do a lot of foreplay, and I make sure she comes before me (pun intended). She typically orgasms 3-5 times from the sex and foreplay, sometimes even more. While I only orgasm once and on rare occasions twice.

Any information would be greatly appreciated!

-Eken if you would like me to create my own thread just let me know.

 

Dragonslayer53, Clearly that's something to communicate with your girlfriend about.
If you feel like the give-and-take in the relationship is unbalanced, talk about it.

Also, you might not want to rely on guys your age for accurate information about their sex lives. You'll hear the most from those who are boasting or complaining. You won't hear from guys who are happily minding their business. You'll get false impressions.

Here's some real data on typical frequency of sex at your age: Kinsey Institute Sex Frequency Chart

You'll notice that for unmarried partners ages 18-24, having no sex is more common than having sex more than four times per week. Two to three times a week is the high side of average. Of course this says nothing about what you should be doing. That's a matter only between you and your partner. Besides, frequency says nothing about the quality of the sex or the overall quality of the relationship, which ought to be a lot more important to you, even when you're a horny teen, don't you think?

P.S. I encourage you to read over some more of the facts and statistics so conveniently made public by the Kinsey Institute, and share with your peers as appropriate. Knowledge is power! Kinsey Institute Frequently Asked Sexuality Questions

 

E5s Thanks a lot for the information! I do value the quality of sex and the quality of our relationship much more than the frequency of sex, and I make sure that I put forth everything to please her in our relationship sexually and nonsexually.

I think I just have a lot of leftover sexual energy now that I've started NoFap. Being a "horny teen" doesn't help much either.

Anyways thanks for the help and information.

 

I guess that some people are just like that. We have sex with my fiance sometimes once in a month. We are both in our late twenties.

She just says she does not like sex. She shows z e r o initiative. You can imagine what it makes me feel like. I necer had problems like that before (i.e. with y previous partners).

 

Oh dear. Xwin, in your 20's?
I guarantee you that only means that she doesn't like the sex that you two are having.
It could be that she just can't vocalize what she wants, or she's quietly working through some psychological issues, or something else is getting wonky with the communication in your relationship, but absolutely do not give up. Try a ton of different tacks, both in and out of the bedroom, but without putting direct pressure on her achieve pleasure on any particular day. Eventually you'll find the code for that there combination lock.

 

e5s, deep down I know you are right. When I see her lack of initiative and coldness, I just figure why bother trying. It's frustrating, that's all. I know that she was abused as a child and this is why I let go and simply stop trying. I don't wanna thread on this.

One thing that's really frustrating is that she doesn't seem to care what I want from this relationship. Sex is important. I have to talk to her about that. Thanks.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. That's very hard. I know it can take years.
Just don't give up, not as long as you're committed to the relationship.
She may surprise you, pleasantly, someday.

 

Xwin, I am in a mostly sexless marriage for more than a decade. We didn't have any sex for years in between. Marital problems are cause or consequence..I don't know.

However, I have NOW decided that my fap habits are MY problem, not hers. Whether I get any sex from her or not, I have chosen to have no P, no M.

 

My girl is sexy crazy. Can't comment on the lack of libido, it's the opposite for me.

 

Prominent, since you are here I assume you fap. Why, if you have a willing girl? What's missing in the sex between you two? I can only assume that it's not the quantity...

 

Talk about getting your wife an intrauterine device (IUD) if you suspect that the birth control is really affecting her libido. I have one and I love it! They're actually statistically more effective than birth control, and she doesnt have to worry about missing pills and whatnot since they just give it to her and replace it every 5 years. They seem expensive at first, but its kind of an investment. Mine has paid for itself in about 2 years. They are so awesome and its so nice to have that peace of mind of having fool proof birth control thats pretty much hormone free

 

Maybe her libido is low because of your pmo problem. Maybe it's pushing her away that you have this addiction and this is her way of guarding her own feelings and not getting hurt. I know that's how I feel personally.

 

my wife was like that. that was the reason for me starting pmo. it was either that or divorce.

 

How old is your wife? My wife is in her early 50's and her libido is not too good. We spoke about it tonight and we talked about getting intimacy back in the bedroom. With her low libido came a lower self-image where she didn't feel sexy anymore. Let me tell you she is very hot for an older women. I compare her to women her age and she rocks, but the problem is she doesn't believe it.
We are going to take it slow and she's going to start putting on some sexy outfits and hopefully she will start believing what I already know, that she's a hot women. Hopefully this will fix the problem and hopefully I'll be able to perform like a stud...something that I need to work on. Our sex life has been frequent, but stale for a few years now. I've said the word hopefully a lot because this is the first time we have addressed the issue in an adult way where we weren't blaming each other for the crappy sex.
Sorry to say, but relationships are not getting easier as I get older. Almost everything I do requires too much effort!