Awkward question for the women here

No worries, I used to be same. I had this thing for this sweet good looking girl at bible school and thought she was virginal, butter wouldn't melt. Until I heard it on the grapevine she was getting railed by a bad boy, drank and used to smoke pot.

Life is LIVED through experience, one day you'll realise. Perhaps not now...

 

My hymen's always looked a little funny.

 

For what it's worth, OP, I completely support your decision (not that you need my support, or anything, haha). I've had my experiences, but I changed my mindset and I really want to wait till marriage now. Marrying a virgin man would be ideal, to me (but I'd still be happy to marry someone who's had sex, but since then has gone through the same change of heart that I did)...So I understand where you're coming from. That blood oath part of it that you described is kinda cool, too. I never thought of it that way before. @tweeby http://www.livescience.com/13072-sex-stats-virgins-rise.html According to this study, more than a quarter of young people in the United States (of both genders) are virgins. So yes, it's absolutely possible for him to marry a virgin. Even if it were only 0.001% of women who are still virgins, the OP still has a chance, if he wants to really hold out for that person. So, I'm not sure why you'd want to push your limiting views on him...

 

I feel deeply for you, and because my a friend I consider a daughter had a a similar experience, you've sparked a need for me to offer all the words I can for your encouragement.....

(Warning, I'm putting on my Dad hat for a moment. (And...) I'm no longer religious, despite being a former catholic alterboy. So my answer won't be based on that).

Your loss of virginity is a special time (however it doesn't define you.)
Of my nieces, god-daughter, and young female friends I see as daughters, the ones that have confided in me their experience has been very different. It tended to fall into two types of events. Either they ended in tears overwhelmed, and feeling overstimulated by the shock to their body, and what it meant. Or they were a bit in tears, because they felt nothing when they were expecting lightening type moment, and thought they were broken for it. The ones that were overwhelmed felt like their innocence had end and worried what that meant, and were so shocked by the intensity of it, they didn't know if they could ever do that again. Given some time, they learned to cope and deal as they learned better what to expect, and to realize that their loss of innocence didn't change their lives at all. The ones that felt nothing, often needed time to learn to relax into the process, and become more comfortable in being confident in participating. (Again their first time didn't define them either). The point is that while that moment is part of your history, that one event didn't imprint you for life, define who you are, or your ability to receive and give fulfillment as a partner. No one moment does.

(Will a man understand your lack of virginity? Accept nothing less!)
No partner you choose to be with should ever judge you. If they are, then they aren't right for you. There are many people out there that you can be happy with, so don't accept anyone that makes you feel less. This isn't your one chance. It's important to love yourself, and only accept people into your intimate life that can show you same level of acceptance that you give them.

(but what if they don't understand?) Its important to repeat this for the back row of your mind... ACCEPT Nothing less! Trust and acceptance is fundamental part of being together. Never accept anything that makes you feel less.

(How many men only want virgins?)
There are men out there that are excited by a woman being a virgin. (But that can be a bad thing). It isn't because they are committed to be in sharing your purity. It's because they are excited, and feel more powerful at the 'taking' of your virginity. To them, their flaws wont be as obvious to you, because they are your first, and they think that puts them in a more powerful position. (A little hint, any relationship where one person has too much undue power over the other, is considered a bad risk recipe for long term growth/happiness). These men are naive and approaching intimacy on the wrong grounds (power, mixed with insecurity). They may also think that a virgin might posses a higher quality sexual experience. (Not to gross you out, but they think you will be tighter, or some mystical attribute that makes sex somehow better. If you are tighter, it's only because you haven't be allowed to properly relax or adjust, so it would be wrong of them to 'barge' in anyway.) They are only worried about being 'best', when they should only be worried about being happy together. (Note: these same guys also don't have a problem in that they aren't a virgin, which should also be a warning sign).

Many experienced partners don't want virgins (those that are please don't be discouraged by that). I've had female friends tell that to me of men. But I do have a male friend that at 35 married a 21 year old virgin. To them, it's not an ego play to connect with innocence. Instead, they weren't prepared to take on the role of teacher and kind patient provider. They just wanted to share intimacy without working through the patience and teaching of basic communication required. (Not to trivialize sex to another mundane activity, but if you've ever played a video game, and then had to help a friend 'level up', by standing next to them, it kinda similar. Not everybody is cut out to be that kind of mentor/partner. If you are in the wrong mindset, then there is a little bit boredom, difficulty in having to explain, and frustration when certain things don't just happen automatically when you just want to play.)

I forgot where I saw the study, but it said that hymens aren't what the myth's make them out to be. Many are born with a very thin tissue. It does naturally get looser, and degrades with age. And despite the reports of loss during 'horse back riding', more common activities like walking, running, and heavy minstrel cramps can cause the tissue to peel away. There were actually many common reason other than sex, that the hymen disappeared, or was so thin that women didn't realize it was even present. It stated that something like 2/3rds of women reaching their 20's with no prior sexual history, had no hymen.

I hope this helps you perk up some. You are a human being and you are worthy. You are not the sum of your genitalia and the history of its use.

 

There's a surgery that puts it back together. It can't be grown back naturally (as far as I know )

 

Please never do this. I don't know the procedure that is involved, but when you take artificial steps to recreate the image of something your not, there are always steep prices to pay.

For instance, I saw an interview with a girl that did the vaginoplasty. She felt that if her entrance looked like that of the qualities of a porn star, that some how her life would be so much better (relationships, connecting with her partner, etc). That irrational fear is called body dyspmorphia. While the surgery was success in that she looked like another porn star. It left her completely numb, and intercourse was painful forever after that.

While I'm aware that in some cultures this is a matter of honor, and it can mean life and death. Please be very careful about this. There are no 'minor' surgeries. Everything you can do, even if it's outpatient leaves you at risk for infection, or other possible complications.

 

I appreciate your information. Don't worry, I'm not going to get that surgery.

I don't think surgery is something to go into lightly, either. It has all kinds of potential problems.