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Relapsed After 40 Days on Hard Mode!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017.

  1. Feb 5, 2017 #1
    John MccRaty

    John MccRaty Fapstronaut

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    I feel like I want to burn my dick, or brain, or something! I'm not about to give up since giving up isn't a choice when you're fighting something that's never going to leave you alone anyway. But really, I feel fucked and someday I am literally going to cut off my dick if this persists!

    After 40 days on hard mode! Can you believe it? And it wasn't even necessary, nor was it my libido or something so promising I couldn't resist. It was just me! I realize now this whole thing was never about libido per se. I've been seeing hot pictures of women all throughout my reboot, and guess what? It's never made me feel like I want to relapse. In fact, it's made me appreciate beauty even more and dissociate it from porn or wanking or orgasming or whatever my sick brain wants!

    What happened is that I came across a picture of what is either a man with boobs or a woman with a dick (who cares?), and I did exactly what a lad with porn induced sexual OCD shouldn't have done; I paid a lot of attention under the pretext that I was just doing regular exposure therapy! I didn't even like the damned picture, but the "confusing" sexual cue put me in the same "mood" as porn (my favorite is lesbian porn because it's more "exotic"), and before I knew it my mind was on "porno mode" and I relapsed.

    I'm never going to pay attention to confusing sexual cues from now on, they're not even sexy, but for some reason (porn and OCD I guess) the brain can use that which is not sexy to draw you into your favorite porn scenes!
     
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    #1
    s1mple likes this.
  2. Feb 5, 2017 #2
    Smartboyj

    Smartboyj Fapstronaut

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    hey man.... I know you are not in a good place right now but don’t let those negative thoughts flood your brain and make the situation worse…..

    I don’t really think it matters what you looked at your brain saw something that it knew would give it a dopamine kick and it pushed you there ….. the image doesn’t matter it’s the same outcome …

    its like an alcoholic getting upset he came off the wagon by drinking gin but he would normally drink beer… it’s the same outcome ---- feeding the addicted part of the brain!!!

    Don’t beat yourself up…..

    Take a step back for a second …. For 40 DAYS you had the personal strength to resist this addiction, the strength of character to resist these urges and go 40 DAY hard mode …. That’s AMAZING, think about that !!!! look at the positive of what you did


    Read this link from your brain on porn …. Success with this come from learning from our failures but to keep pushing forward..

    http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain

    Dust yourself off, focus on the positive 40 DAY and move forward…… aim for push past the 40 DAYS and keep going to the happy life you deserve !!!!!!!
     
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    #2
    John MccRaty likes this.
  3. Feb 5, 2017 #3
    John MccRaty

    John MccRaty Fapstronaut

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    I can't say there isn't any progress. 40 days is something I haven't done for almost a decade!

    I'm back on my feet again. Day 1!
     
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    #3
    Smartboyj likes this.
  4. Feb 5, 2017 #4
    ben_nofap_uk

    ben_nofap_uk Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, definitely don't beat yourself up about it. 40 days is totally amazing!! Use the disappointment as a fuel to make it further this time, never give up. Never let porn win and stay strong. Keep up the good fight brother, sending you masses of positive energy. Remember: "YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
     
    ben_nofap_uk, Feb 5, 2017
    ben_nofap_uk, Feb 5, 2017
    #4
    John MccRaty likes this.
  5. Feb 5, 2017 #5
    Smartboyj

    Smartboyj Fapstronaut

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    Wow , the first time in a decade is something to me very proud of!!!!! That is soo positive , we can do it ...

    Start again and keeping going....... remember you are not allow and you deserve to be free of P ...
    Wishing you the best of luck
     
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    #5
    John MccRaty likes this.
  6. Feb 5, 2017 #6
    John MccRaty

    John MccRaty Fapstronaut

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    What I don't understand is why confusing sexual cues have so much power (they don't give me erections even if I try, but they make me relapse)? I know I've been wanking to lesbian porn for years because it felt "exotic" but is it really possible that my brain has somehow learned to release dopamine and/or other sexual chemicals over anything that might feel "exotic" even when it's not per se sexually arousing?
     
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    John MccRaty, Feb 5, 2017
    #6
  7. Feb 5, 2017 #7
    Smartboyj

    Smartboyj Fapstronaut

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    Its only my personal believe …. But the brain is craving dopamine, we have all been feeding our brains this for years with P…..

    And when we stop feeding the brain, it is craving it…… and anything, be it an image , thought , sound that can trigger a relapse the brain will use it to try and get you to slip up and give it the dopamine it wants…

    From reading other guys blogs this seems to get easier after the 90 day hard mode…. I’m back to DAY 14 today myself and I had a real fight to get through today without slipping up …. Everything seemed to make me think of P ….

    Just got the keep pushing on ….
     
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    Smartboyj, Feb 5, 2017
    #7
    John MccRaty likes this.

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