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A failure story

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by madara0303, Feb 6, 2017.

  1. madara0303

    madara0303 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0

    Hello All, This one is gonna be very long so bear with me.

    Today is day 0 or as they say the first day of my new life. It is 10:20 PM in India where I am from. So Like many on this platform, from outside I am a decent guy. Intelligent, smart, funny but inside I have this addiction that is eating me up day by day.

    A little background first. I belong to a not so financially well-off family, so I have always felt a certain amount of responsibility on me, as the eldest son, to do something for my mom and dad. Throughout my life, they have made sure that I get the best education available, I went to the best school in the city, one of the finest technical colleges in the nation. I have always tried to live up to what is expected of me and to a certain extent I have. I was the school topper and then cleared one of the toughest exams in the country to get an engineering seat. But somehow, in the middle of all this, I picked up this habit of masturbating, I have been doing this for more than a decade now and when this urge takes me over, I am no longer in control. Everything is fine and then this monster takes over for just 10 minutes. Slowly and slowly it grows. I have done things that I can't even tell you about. and now this habit is leading me on the path of destroying everything that I have buit over the years

    Everyone has this image that I am a good and smart guy. A lot of people expect a lot of things from I want to make that image a reality.

    I have lost the will to do pretty much anything. Especially since last 3 years when I started my job. I always run from things, I run from the situation which pushes me out of my comfort zone even by an inch. if I don't understand something while working I leave it and delay it till things become a mess.

    I recently watched a couple of videos that stated that it can be after effects of too much dopamine in my brain. and the bad thing is nobody knows the reality, everyone sees me as a happy and successful fellow. but deep inside I feel like a loser and really emotionally stressed.

    I am just waiting for things go bad. It's like I am sitting on a time bomb I just don't know when it is gonna blow.

    Entire week sometimes I procrastinate, just jerking off, sleeping whole day. I miss my deadlines and I am fucking up my career. And all this I know stems from my habit of masturbating. I want to give it up and redefine myself.

    I don't about you but I am a firm believer in god. Even though he gave a rough start as I told you not being from a financially well off family. I had the equal resources as anyone out there. loving and caring parents who gave up everything for my education. he blessed me with an above average intelligence and a decent luck. even after all this, I feel like I have been a disappointment.

    BUT NOT anymore, I took a cold shower just some minutes back and now I am here writing this. I want to be like people posting their 30, 90 etc stories. I want to be in control. so I am Making a pact to change my life. I want to do it this time. I will do it this time. 90 days hardmode PMO

    TL,DR: Tired of my shitty life, will turn it around it 90days now.
     
  2. Detraks

    Detraks Fapstronaut

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    Hey man welcome to Nofap, the path youve chosen is not easy ,as you may know, but the benefits are there just waiting. I am confident youll succeed if you get back up if you fail and have good faith and a good determination
    have a nice start yo your new life my friend
     
    madara0303 likes this.
  3. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    go get it!

    fellow south asian here.. from pakistan!

    tum yeh kar sakte ho mere bhai!! pareshan mat ho, bas iraada karo aur himmat karo!
     
    madara0303 likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    madara0303 likes this.
  5. Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    Believe in yourself!

    You can do it!
     
    madara0303 likes this.
  6. Hi madara,

    I'm new here as well and don't have as much experience as most of members of NoFap and I would like to say a thing. The very first piece of advice I was given when I came here.

    It seems to me as the society expects a lot from you. That's tremendous responsibility and pressure. This can be a powerful trigger. Living to others' expectations may make us to run away. Often times, into addictions. Fuck other people's expectations. Live for your own happiness.

    I understand you want to make your parents happy. They gave you everything they could. However, you please them because you love them, right? Not because you feel obliged to.
     
    madara0303 and Detraks like this.
  7. madara0303

    madara0303 Fapstronaut

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    Bht bht shukriya bhai. Spread love and happiness
     
  8. madara0303

    madara0303 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. I.will obviously take some pressure of myself and start working in the right direction rather than stressing abt the final goal
     
    LakeLand likes this.
  9. madara0303

    madara0303 Fapstronaut

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    I am.planning to use this app called nf companion to track the time. Also I will be heading to the gym again which I have been missing since last 2 months. Lastly I have realised that my trigger comes due to internet majorly after 11 pm so I will try to stay away from internet during that time
     
    D . J . likes this.
  10. Abhijit

    Abhijit Fapstronaut

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    Bro don't worry.. even I am from India and exact same thing is happening to me..
    Though I am in my 8th sem right now I have lost the will to do or achieve anything..
    I thought it's happening because of my campus rejection and breakup with my gf.
    But nah. After educating myself I got to know it's the PMO addiction..
    Tu sahi Jaga aya hai dost. Milke ladhenge iss.
    Good luck mate..
     
    madara0303 likes this.
  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
     
    madara0303 likes this.

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