Is EDGING during sex bad?

The real issue here is functioning in a relationship with another person vs. chasing the highs that come through viewing porn. Everyone's reboot parameters can be slightly different, from hard mode to engaging in sexual activity. The extreme danger is with viewing porn, of course, but it's also with psubs, because those are the things that give you a false fix that you should be getting from your girlfriend.

With that said, in direct response to your question - and this is simply my opinion - edging during sex may or may not be a problem depending upon where your head is at. I don't even think that's a thing because edging can only be done when masturbating, and masturbating can only be done solo. I understand there's mutual masturbation, but I don't even think that counts because it's sexual activity with a person. What you call "sex-edge" is really just sex, foreplay, intimacy. There's an entire methodology called karezza which is all about intimacy without orgasm. As far as where your head is at, if you find yourself indulging in fantasy while engaging in sexual relations with your partner, I think that can be an issue because it's recalling the familiar pathways your brain uses when viewing porn. If, however, you are completely engaged with your girlfriend and focused on her alone - awesome! I see zero problem!

Rebooting is a means to rewire our brains and fix the neural pathways that crave and derive pleasure from pornography. Admittedly, based upon numerous testimonies here and basic common sense, hard mode (no M, no Sex, no edging, no nothing) is the quickest way to achieve a reboot. However, for those of us in relationships, and myself included, that may not be the most ideal option. When you do include sex into a reboot, you also introduce additional challenges such as chaser. If these become a problem and trigger you into viewing porn, then you may want to reconsider your reboot parameters. However, if you are able to experience a sexual relationship, avoid pornography - and masturbation in my opinion - you can successfully recover and continue to experience the rock hard erections that gave you a premium experience with your girlfriend. Your testimony and that success should motivate and convince you that PMO is depriving you of real pleasure - intimacy with another person.

 

What he said. lol.

I'm only 28 days in, so can't say if that is how it works or not. My guess is that it will level out after awhile.

 

Edging during sex is totally a thing. I do it often, calling my partner to stop and wait if I don't want to orgasm just yet. I like it, a lot - who wants sex to be over so fast? He does the same, and I wait for him. It's nice and intimate to kiss and talk while you are keeping still, still joined.

Whether it's bad for your reboot only you can work out. You are describing negative effects, but who doesn't have their head in the clouds the day after lovemaking?

It sounds like you have improved physical capability, anyway, so I'm happy for your good result there

 

This is incorrect @zathura. Please see what edging really is - orgasm control - and the different ways it can be achieved.

I do not recommended to have sex during your reboot because the release of dopamine will slow down your progress. If you heighten your sexual arousal via edging during sex, this increases the detrimental effect and slows your progress more.

 

I'm going to go a totally different direction than everyone (although @zathura did mention it briefly) and highly recommend that you look into karezza, sex without orgasm. Links in my signature.

Look, I get it. When I first heard about it I thought it was insane. But I was willing to give it a try because my husband was doing a hard mode reboot and I wanted sexual contact with him. And the results for us have been amazing. My husband has completed first 40 days, 90 days, and recently, more than 30 days, of hard mode reboot all while still having sex with me but not Oing. It is possible and there are benefits, including increased tenderness and intimacy during sex (because it's not all about chasing the almighty O), increased stamina and control and heightened sensitivity. In the beginning I also abstained from Os, which I think was an important part of the process, but I don't anymore.

But the main reason I'm mentioning this to you, beyond all the times I've mentioned it to many others, is that you talk about the side effects of O for you.

In the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, the author talks about this. Her theory is that everyone experiences these side effects to O with varying intensities, depending on the individual. In fact, when I was abstaining from O I noticed negative side effects after I Oed. I was crabbier and clingier. I think people don't really realize what's happening because they O frequently and plus it's not immediate. The author of the book I mentioned advocates (and practices) karezza long term. I'm not ready to say that's the way my husband and I will go, especially considering the fact that I'm not truly practicing it right now. It's just my husband holding back.

However, it has helped my husband and I a lot!! I'd say it's worth trying it. (But your partner does need to know what's happening to make it work.) In my husband's case, he and I still can notice some side effects when he Os during sex with me, either accidentally (it happens, but he was able to make it 90 days, so it is possible) or on purpose during times when he isn't doing a hard mode reboot. The brain fog comes back and he becomes very groggy and tired, which makes it difficult for us to connect and it makes it harder for him to concentrate at work. However, the good news is, after more than 150 days of hard mode reboot in the past seven months (with breaks in between) we have noticed that the side effects are A. not as strong and B. that they are cumulative meaning that one O isn't so bad but if he keeps Oing, it does get worse and worse. (Keep in mind, however, that one O makes it really hard to get back in the karezza groove, even if you want too. It is possible though.)

The fact is, it's your reboot. Lots of PMO addicts here are married or have SOs and continue to have sex during their reboot. NoFap doesn't dictate to you the terms of your reboot. You decide. Having said that, a hard mode reboot (which, according to the NoFap reboot information on the webpage, can include karezza or not include karezza) can have benefits in that you may be able to reboot faster. As the wife of a PMO addict I can say that I am VERY glad that he decided to go hard mode because 1. I feel it is helping him a lot in his recovery and 2. it lead us to karezza, which is helping with his reboot and has really charged up our sex life, ironically. Anytime he's said, I think I need to go hard mode again I have always been very willing and happy about it. I see him getting better and our marriage is stronger and healthier than ever!!

But don't take my word for it on NoFaps rebooting guidelines. Let me go ahead and quote from: https://www.NoFap.com/rebooting/

“Modes” of our Challenges
There are three common sets of guidelines which users may adopt for their challenge parameters. These are often referred to as “modes.”

Porn-Free Mode: Abstaining from Porn
PM-Mode: Abstaining from Porn and Masturbation
Hard Mode: Abstaining from Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm Altogether

You can read more about the different modes, including pitfalls or potential difficulties for each one, by going to the link. I'm going to quote a couple things, specifically however.

For PM mode (which can also be called normal mode where you continue to have sex)
It does say, "we speculate that the occasional bath of dopamine PM-Mode that rebooters experience when having sex may make for a slower reboot."

For hard mode: "Many rebooters do a Hard Mode reboot by default since they do not have partners or are not sexually active. Rebooters with partners can still do Hard Mode, but will want to get their partner’s on board with the idea of abstaining from sex or learning non-orgasmic sexual techniques. One such technique, karezza, has been successfully practiced by some members of the community. While Hard Mode may seem like a more difficult reboot than P- or PM-Mode, Hard Mode rebooters won’t have to deal with the Chaser Effect, and they may experience the benefits of rebooting more quickly than if they’d done an another type of reboot."

Since you specifically mention that you notice the side effects of Oing, I highly recommend you give karezza a try. True karezza is very gentle, no oral, little to no thrusting and a strong focus on bonding behaviors. However, the only "rule" of karezza is no O. To start off, I do recommend going slowly. And, to see the longer term effects I would suggest at least three weeks. According to the book the "passion cycle" or the side effects most people don't even realize they are having after O, take about 2 weeks to subside. (And I have noticed the two weeks holds true for myself too.) So if you try it for three weeks you should be able to really see whether it's changing things for you. What can it hurt to try? Think of all the years you've wasted on PMO. Is three weeks trying no O really that long or hard to give up? Especially if it can help you as much as I am saying?

Best of luck to you as you decide to move forward. It's your reboot! You make the rules.

 

I also experience the anxiety after orgasm, especialy recently. I talked in detail in my journal about it. But now I really want to try not to orgasm again, because I really love the feeling of everyday feeling better, until you fuck it up by having sex. What a shame. Sometimes i think about mike tyson when he said "i wanted to be the best thats why I abstained from sex for 5 years"