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I don't know how to attract your attention, so i call this thread simply "No driving force"

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Feb 13, 2017.

  1. I am a depressed, cynical, misanthropic full bag of shit. What am I doing with my life? Laying in my bed in spare time and eating chips. I have literally no energy to go further on, I really "can't do anything". When I got to stay up I feel like how empty I am inside. I don't have the thrill, the mojo, the excitement for life which I got till I was 16. My head explodes because of headache. My inner negativity causes this. I am constantly listening to black/death metal, I am addicted to negativeness. I am addicted to nihilism and Schopenhauer, they stimulate my anus (i know vulgar metaphor). I don't know what is happening with me. Like i have no vital energy more, fuck man. This is hell. I don't know how to help myself. You guys will tell me "go therapy". Hahaha, I am making my school diploma right now and also my driving license. OF COURSE I am willing to spend more bucks on some stupid betterknows who I hate. I think you see my hatred for the world.
     
  2. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Sorry--good luck...
     
    Pluto likes this.
  3. Obviously no one is interested in helping me, i thought you are a helpful community
     
  4. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

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    I used to be the same. I'd have zero energy for anything.
    I'd sit around all day doing nothing and hating myself for it. I'd get yeld at by my dad which just made me sink deeper.
    I still tend to fall into that sometimes but for the most part I can power through it.
    Here's what I did.
    I took up playing drums. The learning curve for me was super steep but I managed to get it, I could play drums for hours on end and forget the world.
    It's made a huge impact on my life and its great exercise.
    I also took up running.
    I noticed I was sleeping and eating better. I just felt good.
    some days are still bad but its the bad days that help me appreciate the good days now. Its worth the work.
    i know you can do it.
    Listening to Underoath helps too. :)
     
  5. Maybe it's not mental, maybe it's physiological. Had your blood checked lately?
     
  6. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    Pluto,

    I was like you at your age.
    My advice will be short and sweet.

    Compare your life to people less fortunate. Children and teens growing up in countries or environments that don't allow for freedoms like education and the like.

    I was in denial at your age, felt like my life was not of any importance etc.
    But we must remember that we have so much opportunity in countries such as ours.
    We don't have to worry where we get food or water, we have healthcare, activities to join if we choose.

    In summary it's important to put less emphasis on our life troubles because they are dwarfed by other people's and just focus on the good points in your life, even if it's 1 thing. Focus on that and ignore your problems and insecurities...don't let them be the definition of your existence. You are better than that.
    I hope this helps.
     
  7. Great advice. Truly it is helpful for anyone who struggles like this.

     
    Star Lord likes this.
  8. It'll get better :)
     
    Star Lord likes this.
  9. Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    What made you this way? We could offer more useful opinions if you told us about what brought you to your current philosophy.

    Otherwise, I'd like to say that laying in bed and eating chips sound pretty rad.
     
  10. Wow you are event more cynical than me, just take your smiley away and whipe your ass with it

    At least an useful question. Well, I don't really know, tbh. Really. There used to be a time before I was like that. I was deeply in love with a 11/10, she didn't rejected me, I simply didn't allow myself to try sth out with her, because school. So, suppressing my emotions lead to depression, OCD and paranoia. Since then the more older I become the more misanthropic, depressive, etc. I become. Seeing her profile picture (by accident, I am not a stalking idiot) with her boyfriend together makes me feel the pure hate, no wait: Makes me the hate in person. She can be happy while I am having migraine every day and eating junk food in my bed while listening to Black Metal. I crave negativity, it's like I want to have an ideology more extreme than nihilism e.g. I'm also very fascinated by grey depressed dictatorships like Stalin and Ceausescu. Yeah, it's like that, since then (it's like 3 years ago) i don't see any point in being positive.

    Thanks for triggering
     
  11. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    ?
     
  12. Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you are upset that she's happy. Are you craving the happiness that she is enjoying right now? Or do you want to be the guy that's making her happy? Are you upset that someone else can make her so happy? Or is it more of an issue of you not having taken the chance when it arrived?

    That sounds like a pretty extreme reaction over a single woman if it happened a long time ago to me. What about before that? I'm gonna say that it sounds like you banked a lot of emotions on this chick if you are so affected by not having taken the shot with her. What made you get into a state where you would invest yourself so heavily into a prospective relationship?

    What would acting out on this hate mean for you? I would say to give absolutely living it a try if there is no self-harm or harm to others.

    There is nothing wrong with having academic interests that are not sunny. There are historians and philosophers who specialize in what you take interest in. They do not make you weird or an ostracized outsider.
     
    Star Lord likes this.
  13. No I am not craving happiness. I stated before that I literally crave negativity, like the example with a "more extreme form of nihilism" or Stalin's dictatorship. It sounds ridiculous but I just write how I feel. Obviously I was envy of her boyfriend but I saw no point with time in being envy, so I kind of learnt to love negativity to get used to it.

    She was a 11/10. That's it. I just was in love with her.

    I wouldn't live my hate out, I don't see any point in living my hate out. It doesn't send me back 3 years ago.

    Yeah but i see this as a lifestyle, not a stupid intellectual play.
     
  14. Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    Could you tell us more about the negativity you crave? It's a really general term, and hard to keep the discussion going without knowing more about what you mean with it. It definitely sounds like you're making reasonable choices and associating it with negativity from your first response.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I don't want to sound like I'm challenging you on your own beliefs regarding yourself, but it does sound like you are already living your hate out. The hatred and the current malady that you find yourself afflicted with settled into your life around the same time in your timeline. One of the toughest lessons I've been trying to wrap my head around getting to my age, (and I'm totally going to play it because I've got 7 years on you), is that I am usually hating myself when I feel hatred towards another person. I would really suggest checking just what it is you hate about the world, and accepting all the difficult answers to why you felt like the only thing you could do to the world was hate it.

    Does the lifestyle bother you? It came up in the general complaint about the current state of your life.
     
  15. Simply negativity in all sort of forms, getting bad grades, smoking cigarettes to get cancer, favouring totalitarian systems like Stalinism, spreading misanthropy, etc.

    Yes I hate that girl the most. Every time I see her profile pic accidentally I get this rush of energy and hate.

    Yes, because I don't want to be like that now. It's hard to change yourself if you have migraine every day, if you are addicted to hate and misanthropy, etc. I wish I could feel normal, being a normal 19-year-old boy who has fun doing shit with his friends. Not being a 6'5" super-alpha chad, nor being a veggie-new-age-spiritual guru. I simply want to be the version of myself again which I have been 3 years ago. I can't really be happy, life seems so long, everything is like boring to me after some time. This is the main thing. Also thinking about getting some drugs to just feel happy.
     

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