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Massive fight occurred today...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by HandsOffDong, Feb 15, 2017.

  1. Feb 15, 2017 #1
    HandsOffDong

    HandsOffDong Guest

    This is the type of mental torture I have been enduring for a long while. Yesterday I came home from work, I was already out of it, since I am highly sensitive I just need time to fall back. My brother (we come to him in a minute) knew I wanted some time to program maybe, get behind the computer. Now mind you, I am 27, I live at home under a 'controlling mother' who basically did a lot of mental damage and an evenly abusive wannabe bully brother. So you know this jackass is lifting weights, doing all types of baboonery, always in my ears. This motherfucker, with his sneaky ways, knew I wanted some study time, so he tricked me to drinking 50 to 80 grams of raw cacao powder in some sojmilk or water whatever. Now they know I am an introvert, and they always could play games, or at least try to play games with you. This is just how people are. I made a mistake to have my guards down, because let's be honest I have no fucking idea what this stuff is all about. Like I drank it, went upstairs...boom, panic attack, nausea and depression, thread I made earlier. Now I am already dealing with flatline, I have been stressed, burnout for a while, and I just snapped.

    He was sleeping, and I just started wailing on this clown. Like yesterday, I could slightly see the joy in his eyes of fucking with me. But this time I got very aggressive..

    Now what if I grabbed a knife or actually really hurt this man? This retard became timid real fast and cried. Now this is my damn brother man, I have no business fighting with anyone let alone this moron.

    This is the type of shit I have to deal with, I am seen as this underachieving reject, and I have to deal with clowns. They know I have no money, they play their games, give me some 50 bucks here and there, like is that the price of me enduring all this fuckery?

    This is sort of why I lost faith in humanity, because these are supposed to be normal people. And look at the type of shit people have to deal with.

    I can safely say, I am alone in this life. No father, skank of a mother, and an equally mentally fucked up brother. Who is just a product of his own environment.

    This is the type of pain I carry with me all my life. I have been betrayed by everyone.
     
    HandsOffDong, Feb 15, 2017
    HandsOffDong, Feb 15, 2017
    #1
  2. Feb 15, 2017 #2
    RawMoon

    RawMoon Fapstronaut

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    you aren't alone, you've got this community and i would urge you highly to get a therapist and maybe that will help to develop a new positive attachment style. go for it man, we are rooting for you!
     
    RawMoon, Feb 15, 2017
    RawMoon, Feb 15, 2017
    #2
  3. Feb 15, 2017 #3
    TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry for you, man. You've gotta get out of that situation somehow. Start from the ground up. It may take awhile, but you need to get the ball rolling now. Make a plan to save your money. If you can, further yourself and get promoted in your job or find a better paying job. Maybe you see reasons why you can't do that, but there are reasons why you can, it just might take longer. Do anything you can to become self-sufficient. Get out from under these toxic people. All people are not like this. I wish I could just tell you this and you'd believe me. But I know I had to see it for myself. Once I left my home for the military, I realized there was a whole world out there, full of all types of people. There are bad people everywhere, sure, but you can find a network of good people and start over if you can just get out there.

    Also, if you make this your main focus, you won't have time to relapse. It's a win/win. Stay strong and get motivated!
     
    TheLoneDanger, Feb 15, 2017
    TheLoneDanger, Feb 15, 2017
    #3
  4. Feb 16, 2017 #4
    Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong!

    Come tell us about how you are doing. We're here to support.
     
    Beopus, Feb 16, 2017
    Beopus, Feb 16, 2017
    #4
  5. Feb 16, 2017 #5
    HandsOffDong

    HandsOffDong Guest

    Forget 80 grams, it was more like 130 or something.

    Do you guys think I was wrong for assaulting him like that? I just snapped.
     
    HandsOffDong, Feb 16, 2017
    HandsOffDong, Feb 16, 2017
    #5
  6. Feb 16, 2017 #6
    Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    I'd chalk it up to a brotherly scrap and forget about it.

    There's no point in wasting your RAM coming up with stupid ways to fuck with your family. Do your best not to let it get to you and work hard on getting out of that abusive environment. It is not the norm, and the greatest danger lies in believing that it is. Find help if you can and discuss all the interactions you can with your therapist, even if they feel mundane.

    Hope to keep seeing you around here.
     
    Beopus, Feb 16, 2017
    Beopus, Feb 16, 2017
    #6

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