I want to maintain NoFap and sexual abstinence before marriage - HOW?!

Conratz first off sorry about the relapse but you've done quite well. Hmmmm yeah I've wondered what would happen if I had a girlfriend. And your not alone its hard to resist it. She may one day want to but probably not for a couple months so some time to reboot.

But don't beat yourself up over mo'ing porn is the problem. As long as you don't go over 3-4 times per week I mean eh. Just tell yourself the urges aren't yours its just your brain trying to trick you. Maybe tell your girlfriend about all this wouldn't be a bad idea. I mean if you wanted no urges you wouldn't kiss her but lets face it thats not gonna happen and I would say getting urges from doing something real not artificial is a decent trade off and eventually rewire your brain to look at her as so much more important than porn.

I guess what i'm saying is just accept your urges and have fun with her its real. Honestly just abstaining is kinda worthless without socializing and doing things that aren't artificial. Good luck man

 

You should talk to her and quit the kissing and cuddling. At least the tongue kissing.

Maybe setting a realistic marriage date would help.

PM me if you need help.

Best

 

Yeah, I thought the same. As much as harsh it could sound - just give up kissing. If you're into Christian beliefs, then the first kiss should actually be at the wedding. Why do you think every American wedding movie has the "you may now kiss the bride"? phrase in it?

I'm not myself a Christian, but I see the point in the thing. I don't really care for God's will, but I sure as hell know that self-restraint and sacrifice for the sake of higher, noble ideals reinforces and musters will and is a sign of respect and care for the other person, as well as proves genuineness of long-term intentions related to him/her.

Just think about how beautiful a memory of your "first time" at the wedding night would be.

 

Set boundaries , Set boundaries, Set boundaries... both of you discuss these boundaries and pledge together, and with others you can trust ! This I cannot stress enough, then at least one of you will have the sense to keep to them, no matter the temptation. If you fall, you might forgive yourselves... eventually, but neither of you will ever forget ! If however you succeed in this, you will look back at this time as an absolute triumph in this stage of your relationship and will be so glad for the foundation. There's a reason God doesn't permit sex before marriage, it's literally for your own good and for the success of your marriage in the years to come, marriage is hard enough without piling this on top. Get a grip man... be a MAN, learn to say no!!! This is actually worse than PMO (the hated enemy), why are you even asking for advice on this.. you already know the answer. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and actually be a man, how do you think she will feel if you pressure/trick her into this, do you think she will love you more... or will a little part of her die inside, that part that actually believed her man was stronger than all this. If I sound angry it's because I am, you need a slap around the ears and a good shake-up! As has been said, if the intimacy is causing you too much temptation then cut it out, go to your Pastor, tell him the problems your facing (it won't be the first time he's heard it)... get some accountability from ppl in your life, in a church there already should be, if not then go talk to someone you both can trust... just please don't fall in this, don't become yet another failed statistic !

Oh... and congrats on being engaged, you do this right and you're in for a wonderful life together

 

I understand your trouble but the only way to better yourself is to better you relationship with God. He tests us for our faith and right now you are being tested. Quit doing what makes you think and get tempted so it will be easier than you. Trust me, purposeful sin is not the right way to go as it will lead to punishment so really double think you dropping God for a girl. Sorry to be harsh but that's what your doing.

 

Or maybe you are starting to realise that a being such as God doesn't exist. Christianity is just a massive cult like every other religion. Start accepting the world for what it is and drop the whole believing in a higher being.

 

As a warning, avoid anything thats going to make you feel tempted to go down that road. No matter how close or comfortable you feel, sex is sacred beyond any measure man can make or comprehend, and taking it for granted and doing it outside the bonds of marriage will result in emotional torment and psychology destruction like you have never known in your entire life, and will lead to bitter, bitter regret. Stay strong, and be smart and wise.

 

I have made love to my girlfriend many times and we are not married. No emotional torment and psychology destruction here.

 

Honestly dude it sounds like most have never been in this situation so play it by ear listen to you not anyone else this is your experience your life. I'm sure religion is great but its a moral thing. I don't think "god" will love you any less your not hurting anyone and if she wants it hey. Good luck man

 

Yeah, and morality is lame. Duh.

Hudrac - the choice is entirely yours and your fiances. I will only tell you, to add to your overall knowledge on the issue, that I myself am 22 years old and have been through a 1,5 relationship that was all sex and only cheap emotional intimacy, deprived of mutual understanding and support. Retrospectively I must say I didn't benefit from it at all. Even though I wasn't lonely for these 1,5 years, and sure learned all the possible sex position, I know I could have done much better, and now I deeply regret not being a virgin any longer, since absolute devotion to the one and only (or at least trying, for Christ's sake!) won't be possible anymore. My relationship was founded merely on sex, I couldn't have imagined me and the chick marrying even in a thousand years. Now I am seeking something much more valuable.

I really wish your relationship wasn't reduced to what my one used to be only because you weren't able to abstain for some time. Remember the Coolidge Effect - continuous stimulation leads to desensitization and wearing out of oneself. This knowledge is the modern type of "morality", not grounded on abstract beliefs, and yet still compatible with them. I want you to know that what you possess - the virginity and your great girl - is more valuable than anything a night full of awesome sex can even give to you. After irrational and impulsive sex there will be a void in your soul that nothing will be able fill anymore. Just like in mine now, due to my past experiences.

I really wish I were able to approach a woman of my dreams - both physical and emotional ones - look her in the eyes and say that she has been my one and only and I know no other bodies but hers and never have experienced any other bodily sensations but these provided by her. This would greatly reinforce mutual trust and self-esteem. Unfortunately, this is no option for me any longer, and I will forever grieve upon this.

Be proud of who you are.

 

Not that moral is bad but rather that religion puts morals that are self evident and leaves out ones that should be there I mean just look at the ten commandments. And virgins have babies,snakes talk and dead men walk I mean little inconsistent, great claims take great proof.

OK ex i'm sorry for your experience thats quite unfortunate I see its left its scar. I'm sorry for you sounds rough. But I don't think it was said act it was probably the girl. I mean I hate to say it but had you never had that experience which I think you should learn from it you might have gone after some other girl like that.

And do you really think the girl of your dreams will be a virgin its hard to say in this day and age? I hope so for your sake. But I think you should let go of that from hanging you down its really not a big deal you didn't murder anyone. She's still out there buddy you might not meet her for a couple years but its your experiences that made her perfect not just you met her. I mean its not just you meeting her its you becoming a better person and that she won't be perfect either just better for you than anyone else. But of course your becoming better your coming here dude so good work.

I think you can almost assume that Hudrak has a good emotional stability and the physical one is just kissing and that she doesn't want to. And that this doesn't mirror your unfortunate experience you do bring a good point that emotionally dead relationships that take awhile to see they are, are hard to take and can be damaging. But really look at Hudrak and ask yourself is this that? Honestly we don't even know them as a couple so all our advice is truly second hand at best if even that.

But it will get better my man let go of everything thats weighing you down, theres much more important things to worry about and to focus on and theres so much to you your character who your are becoming. Good luck.

 

I would have done it if I hadn't been that lonely back then, and if I hadn't been watching porn and letting my mind go loose to other unworthy deeds. Also, if I had operated within a society such as this one, which promotes and values higher virtues - maybe just in a bit more tangible form than an Internet forum. Then I would be more self-assured and have higher hopes for the future.

Well, now I don't care for that anymore, since I'm not a virgin myself. That part of the bond between us just won't be there, and it saddens me. But it's not like it's "weighing me down" or anything. I'm just stating a fact.

As for the rest of your post, I didn't really get a few things... Your way of writing is pretty chaotic grammatically. But anyway, thanks for advices.

 

Answering your first post: No, you're not thinking about dropping your beliefs. Beliefs arent dropped according to circumstances. Either you never actually had any belief in sex belonging only into marriage, but just an illusion that you believed in it, or - I suspect - you actually do have that belief (that I share too) and are about to act against it. Now is the time your belief is being put to the test. No matter how you decide, you should figure out your belief first, by rationale and reflection, and then act according to it. Moulding your beliefs according to circumstances and desires isn't going to get you anywhere in ay case.
Looking at it from a rational point of view especiall includes sticking to the long-term perspective. And I personally don't think you'll be happy about it if you do proceed with pre-martial sex, not in the long run anyway. Regardless of any direct pro/contra arguments, one might want to consider that a lot of people regret having had pre-martial sex (especially people wo do - or did - have a certain degree of moral insight beyond the modern just-do-as-you-please-morales), whereas I've never heard of anybody saying he regretted waiting. I've read quite a lot of reports on the subject, and I can't remember a single account of somebody saying they "missed" something and shouldn't have waited after all, whereas you'll finde a great number of accouts of people who are extremy glad they had something very special and unique to offer to their lifemate on their wedding-night: Their virginity.

 

I can relate to your situation a little bit. I used to date this girl and we unfortunately became a little to intimate and had a form of sexual contact before marriage. It was because we were alone too much. Don't put yourselves in situations where you might slip up. About the urges,stay busy ,get out of the house and away from the computer. You might consider talking to her about them because it may help to have her as an accountability partner. Use caution in your wording though! I'll be sure to pray for you and also I wish you the best of luck man.

p.s. that's cool that you guys want to wait.