New to nofap

Hello fellow friends, so i am currently on a streak of relapsing, my last relapse was an hour ago and previously it was two days before. Longest i have gone without p is 2.5 months, and without mo about a fortnight. I am currently facing an issue as to related to social anxiety, I frankly feel i am not worthy of being called a 'male', i have since a few years been attracted to TG porn and some trap images, after a while my preference went back to normal but not the way i think of myself. I have been feeling like a PITA to my parents for not being able to do anything nor find a part time job and succeed early in college now that I'm 18 going on 19. The place i live in might not be the most hospitable to people like me but who am i to say, i feel like a bitch to my own desires to the point that it got me wishing that i would someday be a TG too. I have been in a relationship with a girl once and it went great. Only problem was for the 7 month period it lasted it went on online the whole time and i have never met her in person until it ended. I regret not treating her right. And since then i had unconciously indulged in pmo , up to 2016 when i found nofap in early February or so, I then felt as if I'm motivated to move on and leave this dangerous hobby. Now I've finally mustered the courage to join, here goes my hello. Tl;Dr: new member, found nofap in 2016, just registered 10 minutes ago, morphing sexual tastes (HOCD perhaps?), need help to overcome demotivated feeling, hoping to be able to change, seeking a greater perhaps. Pardon my english. Fully straight as far as actions and the way i do things are concerned

 

Feeling like a real hypocrite now that i feel self pity and guilt.