I am an addict, and this is my trip.

Hello everybody,
First of all, I am from SouthAmerica and I have a medium level english, so I ask forgiveness for some mistakes in my writting.
I am 23 years old, I study geology at university and I am single. I am a normal teenager, I have a beautiful family, friends, good grades, like sports speacially football soccer and bike, a common person. I have everything to be really happy and succesfull, and in part I am. Only, I have a black point in my live, MASTURBATION, I know about my problem, and I recognised it and this is important, I think. But, reality is that I can't beat it, I have fought with this since I have 15 maybe.
And in my opinion this addicttion haven't brought anything good in my life, to the contrary, only bring bad feelings with myself, lazy, depression, insecurity, sleep. This addiction haven't let me to do many things that I really like, as trainning very well, be more sociable, wise, attractive, and others. After masturbation, I feel really dirty and I have to take a shower and/or a nap to begin again my life and eliminate the blame.
Thanks, to do this space for all of us, I hope that can help me and advise me, and share my experience. Regards​

 

I try don't be alone in home with my computer; because if I see pornography I will do masturbation, is a fact.

 

Relapse: Today is my day 4, Unfortunately this afternoon I relapse in PMO, I was studying in my computer when I remembered that I had blocked many pages XXX (around 10, more popular and common) so I type other page to prove this block, this page haven't block, and I relapse. Then I felt really bad and sad, diasppointed with myself, I waste the rest of the afternoon and night because I felt really bad. It's really sad fall be myself, I think that is worst to other person fall you.
I am aware that I am not prepare to challenges, for me each day is worth, so I decide write every day, nowadays more than this 3 days is progress, I hope to improve and every day feel better with myself.

"the way is hard, but when you are in the top the sight is amazing"​

 

Day 1
Today was a good day, I was busy with some things at the university all day and I didn't have time to think in sex, or that. I have finished to read and I am going to sleep, or read a book while a get dream.
I note that a very big part of my addcition, or maybe whole, is anxiety and procrastination, because I only relapse when I see P in my computer and cellphone. The most of times that I am in PC is because I am studying or reading articles to my career. So, if I become more productive and focus, decrease my relapses. The reality is that I spend many hours to study, but I waste aproximately half of this time in procastination, pornogrphy is part of this.
To lead this, when I have to study I go to my university's library and do my homeworks there. In home, prior I became very lazy, and unfortunately is a fact that I finish see Pornography and MO. The problem is weekends and nights, that is a real heavy battle with myself to not fall, and the problem is that I like to study when the enviroment is quiet and silent, midnights, or I close my door; this is perfecto to relapse because anybody can catch me.
Hope to sleep and lead this day succesfull.

 

Day 3
Today was a day to prove my control, because in the afternoon I have planned play pool with a friend, but he canceled me few mintes before, so, I was not busy and without plan. I return to home and the possibility to see pornography was strong, fortunately my mom call because she ned to pick up and I decided go, instead to stay in home, with the temptation near. Then I ate and saw a soccer match, only turn on the computer to write here, and I think turn off the computer as soon as I finished write.
Today Is my day 3, the same days that my last intention, so I feel fine, because each day is important in this proccess. Tomorrow I hope to continue in this way and step by step restore my mind and soul. Bye.

 

Day 4
Today I had been busy in some matters, I am near to go to sleep, and really I think that I will complete my day 4 free to PMO, this is fantastic for me, because my last attemt spent 3 days, so, I am leading little by little. I hope tomorrow continue in this way and have an excellent day. Gogogo!

 

Day 7
Yesterday I completed my day 7, It was a really hard day because I stayed all the afternoon alone in my home, this is a terrible trigger for me to see PMO. Fortunately, I can support my desires and control my mind and body, that´s a reason to be proud to myself, only problem was that I didn't study in all the afternoon, I spent all the afternoon in internet; in terms to study I wasted my afternoon, and I know, but I am happy because I wasn't relapse. I think that the fact to be in the dinning room and not in my rooom was important to not relapse, because there, the homemaker can listen and see me, and I have less chance to P.
Now, I want to continue in this form, I know that really difficult days are in coming, but I hope to be very strong and wise to not relapse, and spend that time in other important things like my thesis. Let`s go mates, more decided, more committed, more animate to go furtherrrrr.

 

Day 8-12
Hello mates, I hope that you are fine, I am. Unfortunately, I have been careless with my post, so bad. I have been studying in my thesis and in this days I have come back to do sport (gym), I am thin, so, I want to earn muscle mass.
The good NEWS is I am in my day 12, that's amazing, I think that proximately since two or three months I haven't been this time clean of PMO, because is not only M, it is all (PMO) !!!!
I am really pleased and proud with myself, I have taken many advices that I have read here, I am really gratefull with this page, It's really useful.
I am wise with my homeworks, but I have the problem that study in home is the most dangerous trigger for me, I am really prone to relapse, so, I decided don't study in home, the problem is weekends because I need advance in works and I can't for the fear to relapse. I will see a solution to this problem.
I think that in next days, I will feel prone to relapse, because I am repressed desires, I will have to be very carefull, determined and strong to avoid any badthought. My next goal is 18 days, I hope reach it, and then, put me other goal, longer, higher and more comforting. See you in the next chance, thanks Nofap.

 

Day 13
Yesterday was my day 13, I am more happy every day, I have eliminated many triggers, like pages, videos, photos, or moments like see girls (ass, boobs, legs) in the street or university, that's make me feel really good, because one actitud that I hate myself is don't respect and pervert girls, that makes me feel dirty and bad.
Yesterday (sunday) I had to study, but I am really weak when I study in home, so I had to go to university, that was a good decision, I can study and I didn't relapse. I feel very well but I have fear to relapse, I don't like, I will have to be very strong, and believe in myself. Go warriors.

 

Day 15-16
Yesterday was my day 15 and tonight It is finishing my day 16; It is amazing, I really can't believe that I have support this time without PMO, and the best of all is the fact that I have kept calm and peace, like I don't need that, it's really put me happy. But, I have to confess that this afternoon I am really weak, and I had some badthoughts, so, I decide go out to see the amazing match Barcelona Vs PSG, that was a good decision.
I hope continue in this way, in this form; feel me in peace and keep calm are very important feelings that I want include in my ordinary life and now I am really feel it. My actual goal is 18 days, I am really close, my next step will be maybe 23 days, I am careful with my goals, I put shorts it but then I hope to put me and achieve giant steps.
I have to say that read forums Succees histories help me to keep motivate and realize that really changes come with nofap, good changes that modified lifes and take out worth persons to dark holes.
See you in the nest momet, my best wishes for all of us and we continue change our lives to that live that we always have dreamt. Ready ? I think YES!

 

Day 18
Right now I have completed 18 days, my actual goal, it is amazing, I am really happy. Today was a hard day, I have to accept that in the afternoon I was weak and I saw some pictures to girls and horny gifs, it was a weak moment, but I can thought, ¿really worth it? thing that before I can't do, I forgot all, but today I decided that not worth it, I am vey proud to control that situation, although I have to avoid this weak moments.
My next goal, or rather, my actually goal is 23 days, five days more, I hope to continue in this way and each day improve myself in this and other topics, to become a better man.
I am going to continue writing here, is a good therapy. Tomorrow other day wait for us, so, GO OUT AND DEVOUR IT !

 

Unfortunately, I have relapsed. I spent 20 days. I was really horny and I tempted with my urges, I can't control that and I entered in a page to sexcam, I had never entered in this kind of pages, it was terrible to my intentions to nofap. The worst of all, it was that I relapsed monday, and tuesday, wednesday and friday I relapsed too, only I was free thursday because I was sick and busy.
lessons
I can't control my brain, If I enter in a pornsite, it's a fact that I relapse.
Avoid temptations is the best way to don't suffer, If you eliminate all kind of temptation in your home, pc, cellphone, You will have less chances to relapse.
Keep busy, when you keep moving, with things of your university, home, friends, sports; you have less time to think in badthoughts, in thr other hand, if you keep boring and doing nothing, pornography walks in your mind and probably you get it. Try to keep busy, preferably with things or persons that keep you motivate.
Tell it, share with someone. In my case, I tell it here, and this is a really relief for me, because I can express my feelings and vent.

And now?
I have to start again, but this time with more commitment, strong, decision. I am aware that 20 days was a incredible grade for me, many time ago I haven't been this time clean of PMO. I have many goals and dreams, and I know that PMO don't help me to achieve it, on the contrary, this limit me and don't let me improve. I am going to be more strict with some things, waste less time in social networks, there I see each moment many temptations that alter my brain and unconscious carry to pornography webs. and will try to every day write here, as a way to vent and share my feelings, don't supress it.

Day 1 and counting ...

 

Day 1
It's strange start again, really you feel sad to lost the advance and progress to many days in few minutes, but this is like the life, the only way is raise the face and risk. Yeterday I was in home, but really I hadn't wishes to PMO, I feel calm and this is very important to me, because my mind is quiet.
In this moment I am finiching the second day, it's 10 pm, and I hope to finish here and sleep. If I can't sleep i think to see success histories or read book, I am reading Steve Jobs's biography, i recommend it.
My next goal is 10 days. I try to put me short goals with the intention to achieve it, and then enlarge it. 10 days seem short to some persons, seem huge to others; for me is medium, I want to achieve it and I think that I can do it!

 

Day 3
Today was holiday in my country, I felt some sick, so, I passed all day rest and sleep, I hope tomorrow be better than today and have a normal day. I am in calm to few minutes to sleep, no urges and any intention to see or think in badthoughts. I hope a great week to advance, keep busy and each day get more confidence. This week will be clue to my new start, and put in practice the lessons to the last experience.
Only you put your limits, go for moreeeeee

 

Day 4-5
Today and yesterday, I have been sick, so, the last think pass in my mind is PMO. I have no urges or intentions to relapse, mi mind is in calm, like I would like to be everytime, I work to come there. I hope get better and tomorrow have a active day, very busy and productive. I continue far away to PMO, and each day fell better.
For you, you !

 

Fall
Today, I relapsed. I arrived drunk in the night and I disbloqued some pages web and I did it, then in the day I repeat it two times. I spent 8 days, ovbiously I hope many days more. Maybe tomorrow I will feel so disappointing, but today I am in calm. I confirmed that I only relapse when I see pornography in the computer, the rest I don't fall, nothing in th bathroom or other moments, exclusive pc or cellphone pornography carry me to MO.
One of my objetives with this, is become more adult, and get confidence to captivate a girlfriend, that will help me, but I am conscient that nowadays I have many personal mistakes that one female haven't support. I like a girl, but today I see her really far to my reality.
Now, I want and I will finish this month free, and all APRIL keep free PMO, nofap. I was in recovery to a teeth's surgery, so I can't do sport, but I can again, so I will do sport frecuently, to liberate te stress and anxiety, and be more disciplinate. Repeat the intention to write every day.
And my decision and intention to eliminate PMO to my life keep strong, absolutely nothing alter it. Keep keep keep