Why I'm succeeding at the game of life - why I'm not doing NoFap anymore

Hello people that I deeply love - all of you.

This title seems a bit contradictory, right? Why would I not do NoFap anymore? This is NoFap so wtf am I doing here, especially in the Success Stories section?

Well, it's not relevant anymore. I don't "do NoFap" anymore, because I'm not an addict anymore. It's not a challenge for me. It's not something I try. It's something I am because it's something I do. It's natural. I will never, ever, ever, not "relapse", but watch pornography and masturbate ever again. I'm not that girl.

I quit at the exact second I decided I HAD quit. A split second. I am now achieving the very reason I started "NoFap": I am happy. The point is: I will never stop becoming happier. I will never watch porn or masturbate because it makes me sad. Humans aren't made to be sad. They're made to be happy. I'm a human being, and I'm definitely happy. And one day, I will share that happiness with someone (this is something I never believed in before now - now I just know it, it's a fact).

I'm succeeding at the game of life because I don't take it as a game. It's not a video game where when I fail I can "try" again. Shit no. I quit. Forever. I don't relapse because it's not who I am. I'm not an addict. I forgive my bullies, I forgive myself. I'll never be Elliot Roger.

For the successful part: I'm losing weight, lost 10kg, I'm not overweight anymore. I'm getting stronger. I have gained confidence beyond words. I am forever not in love with a celebrity anymore. I quit video games and smoking. I have an extremely good hygiene. I quit my smartphone and Facebook. I am deeply more involved in religion (I'm firmly Catholic). AND, the best part: I believe I'm awesome and I don't have dreams anymore. I just know some stuff. I know I'll live in New York and I know I'll be successful and I know I'll be a boxer and a marathoner. I know I'll be a fucking good mother.

I'm now a strong woman, knowing exactly what she wants and how to get it. No matter I didn't got a job, a boyfriend, new friends or whatever. No matter I don't look feminine. I'm becoming the best version of me, and shit, I love it, and others too. I still meticulously screw up sometimes, I still have a lot of flaws, but who gives a fuck? Certainly not me - I'm too busy being happier than I ever thought it to be possible.

It's not a choice. It's a decision. I decide. I predict my future.

So... I'm at no number in particular, but yeah. While I'm busy winning at the game of life, will you follow me? Will you become happy too? Or will you keep TRYING... and failing.

Don't try. Do it. Be it. This is your Lose Yourself moment.


I'd like to dedicate three songs to porn. Thanks. Without quitting you I never would have been the amazing woman I'm becoming always more.

Destiny's Child - Survivor Because LMFAO. this songs talk about my relation to porn. This is the most relevant words to describe me right now.

Coldplay - The Scientist This one is for me. These lyrics are for the girl I used to be. I'm sorry I hated you.

Eminem - Lose Yourself Because that's what I'm doing... This is my moment. Today I changed my life.

DANCE PARTY!!!! LIFE IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!

Stay strong.

 

Don't worry my beloved friend. I'll never change. All I can do is evolving and be better.

Obviously you'll make it! Cause even if you don't believe in yourself, I do believe in you.

 

You are a born leader, your courage and strength inspires the ones who need it most. Thank you

 

Wow thank you so much guys.

minkjaco: thanks buddy, it's a really amazing song and I'm dead glad it pleases you. You will not be an addict anymore if you decide so. Nobody said it was easy...

slonek24: what's phenomenal here is you. I won't wish you luck, but strength. And I waiting with great enthusiasm the moment I'll read your own success story.

ChundaKing: YOU are one of my greatest inspirations man! Leader, I don't know... Well mothers are leaders, right? then yes, definitely I'm not courageous, seriously, I'm not at all, I'm a real coward, but when I say things I do them.

NotAfraid: yeah bro, I remember that too... I was so close to do the leap of faith at this time. Now I've done it. Thanks for your support my friend. I believe it too. I don't want to say it, because I only want to say things I'm sure of, but """""maybe I''l die happy""""". Anyway I will die having done these three things. That's all. I'm turning my dreams into decisions and y life into happiness. Of course, I'll never stop evolving. I don't see the point of going back. It's not me anymore. Like Bob Dylan said... all I can do is be me. Whoever that is.

Actually, as a Catholic, this is what I believe in: we humans are free. Free as fuck. BUT. We're not free to chose between Good and Evil. we're free to chose Good. It's not, either you're a bastard or a saint. You are made to be a "saint" (understand: a Good person) and you never were made to be a bastard.


This is absolutely not meaning I'm leaving the forum!!!!! I'm not ready for it, I love you guys, I'm serious I need you. I just don't keep a journal anymore, à la Abel. I still have it, more than 350 pages on word. I might print it one day. Of course I'll leave the nest one day, but I need you all to understand: I will NOT leave because I give up. I'm not doing NoFap anymore because I'm not an addict anymore. Exactly the reason I started NoFap is happening for me: I'm happy and I have goals for life. I know WHY I live. I know what my place is. On this chair. At my uni's library. In London. In England. On Earth. In the Solar System. In the Milky Way. In this tiny, tiny universe. That's where I'm supposed to be, I'm becoming the one I was supposed to be. I never was supposed to be unhappy. now that I'm not addict anymore, I focus on life. Life is what happens when I'm not masturbating apparently.



Oh and also, I changed my username. Deeply sorry for all the confusions that may come from it, but it's better. I'm not the girls I love... I'm just myself. That doesn't prevent me from adoring Bianca and Sierra in every single one of my cells.

 

First of all, thank you!

Secondly, yes, I think everyone can. I wouldn't call it willpower though, It's the trick. Stop considering it as a "will", but as a fact. No dreams. No hopes, no wishes, no wills. Just facts.

Of course one need strategies and plans! I'm going to live in New York, but not today. I need to earn money for it before and know what I'll do when I'll be there. For that I need plans and strategies. But at the end of the day, it's a work in progress, and what's count is the result.

I have zero willpower... If you put a bunch of creme eggs in front of me, I'm gonna eat them all. Because I don't really want to stop. It tastes good, you know.

However, there are two facts, very simple, that I know. I am going to die one day, and I will never relapse.

I have not got rid of my smoking utensils. I still have all my lighters. I just finished my pack, and didn't bought one more. it's like for video games. One day I decided I would not play some anymore, I deleted them, and basta. It was 101 days ago and even though I DO miss games sometimes, I simply have absolutely no desire to play. Not at all. What would be the point to play, because I don't play anymore. Same for smoking. Same for PMO. I don't have any porn blockers installed. I still know all my fav sites by heart. I know they're here, I know how to find the best porn vids I've ever seen. Simply, I don't do it. It's something that I don't do. I could, sometimes I want to, but I don't do it. It's not me.

Stop thinking. Remove any thought that comes in the way of what you will achieve. I started NoFap because I was sad, I am not sad anymore, period. If it doesn't work for you, other "methods" may, for me the only thing I care about is that time passes and I don't relapse. I won't.

Also, I decided to quit for me, but with the help of my grandmother who protects me from Heaven, and with the help of my Catholic God. Extremely important to precise.

Yeah. The trick is that thinking of it in terms of willpower is not what I mean. Everything that is not simply doing or not doing something is irrelevant and the reason of failure.

It's hard to talk about this when it seems so natural, sorry for my poor words.

 

The more the merrier my friend! Thanks to you for reading!

When I watched Thanks for Sharing, I had the biggest set-back since started NoFap and caused a lot of mayhem here, because I was absolutely, tremendously terrified by the fact that Adam relapsed after 5 years. it seemed so hopeless, you know. Saying I quit forever, and sometimes life comes in the way.

But actually, fuck this. Adam was a recovered addict... which implies that even though he was RECOVERED, he STILL was an addict. I am not. I am copying here the answer I gave to galaxim when he asked me the excellent question why I am keeping my counter if I'm not an addict anymore (I absolutely understand all I say might sound very, very hypocritical): "the reason is that I'm simply human. I know I'll never relapse, but I need motivation. I need not to forget how low I was to see how high I rise. Sometimes I feel tired, and sad, and then... I'm the cockiest bitch ever. I absolutely refuse to reset my counter. Period. Besides updating it has became quite like a ritual you know. Ten days. Ten days more. Etc. It's a routine, and routine are comforting. And as I need rewards, it help me keep tracks of that. I will get my 160 dayz tattoo. I will. It will allow me to move on with CocoRosie, and to be marked in my flesh that I'm not an addict anymore but I was."

Hope this help a tiny bit

Oh and also: surrounding yourself with positivity is mandatory. May it be religion, your own personal religion (I'm thinking of for example music here), or anything, refuse by all means to be demotivated. it's not because you will accomplish things to you will accomplish that it will be easy.

I will run a marathon, but I need to remind myself why I will do it, because otherwise it becomes something I have to do and that's the last thing I want. Thanks for New York. I adore this city maybe more than myself and having my own apartment decorated by me here is the very place of my fantasies. Why, not "do you want to quit", but WHY ARE YOU QUITTING?! I quit because I was sad,now I'm happy, so naturally I'm no addict anymore.

Jeez it's hard to explain.

 

DEAD happy to read this chase! Looking forward reading your own success story!

 

I'm going to try to answer without sounding arrogant, which seems pretty impossible to achieve, sorry in advance if I sound superior, it's absolutely not my intention.

Adam is one of the main character of the film Thanks for Sharing, about sex addiction. As far as I remember it doesn't countain any triggers, or very few. He's "clean" for 5 years and then relapse, for some reasons, I'd advise you to watch the film if that interests you.

I think that the importance really is not addict anymore. Forgiving and not forgetting.

That is a very interesting question, thank you for it. I think that it's quite hard to explain. I do not know. I don't know why Adam would still be an addict when I'm not anymore, maybe that's why I was that terrified when I saw he relapsed after such a long time. Because I'm only at 6 months, and I have my entire life before me. It's instinctive. Adam was still counting after 5 years, he still was hung to his previous life, idk. I know I still need to keep a counter, but actually I'm just keeping a track of since I'm not an addict anymore, not a track of simply the last time I watched porn or masturbated. I need motivation - who doesn't? - but that doesn't stop me from being absolutely sure I'm free of it. It's so fucking hard to explain, my language is limited. It's like I was being asked, how can you be sure you're alive? Idk man, no idea, I just know I am. If you start to question stuff like that, you become crazy, purely and simply.

I think that it's precisely what it's about. By definition, an EX-addict is not addict anymore. If he truly is an EX-addict, he's right to think he's done with it. If he thinks he's recovering... Then he is an addict - just recovering. Does that makes even sense?

And yeah, in any way, it's my own opinion, just how I, myself, am successful. What matters the most, at the end of the day? My success, or the way I'm doing it? I don't believe there's methods to overcome; there's one method by person, and that is mine. Regarding addiction, it's not something I am or have anymore. That's all I know and believe in. The only relation I have to it is in my past. And I'm not my past.

I wish the best for you, whatever you chose to do!

 

It's great that you don't agree at anything, and anyway remember it's purely only my opinion and how it works for me.

When I say that life is meant to be happy, it's because of two things: first and foremost I'm Catholic, and I may have misunderstood of course but from what I know the feelings associated with happiness (love, freedom, etc) are what makes you happy and what is "better" to do. I don't believe in a God that wants me to be sad, you know. Secondly, from what I understood from my philosophy classes in high school, is precisely that the "goal" is to be happy. Of course there is grief, sorrow, pain and all. It exists, it's a fact. But is it what is meant to be lived? In my opinion, I'm not sure. You're definitely right about "we need pain to be able to appreciate happiness"; I think that this precisely serves the purpose that what's important in the end is happiness.

This could be discussed basically endlessly, and I'm way not smart enough to talk about it, I'm just really glad to be able to talk about it, it's so important. What's the purpose of life? I guess I'm too much of a believer to answer that.

About behind feminine, ha you're super sweet! My goal is absolute balance I guess. Being both a masculine girl and a feminine boy... "Multiple transgendered person", à la Sierra. And this girl is the most rawly feminine girl I know, I mean holy fuck is she feminine (but not girly) and yet... She definitely has something of a boy in her. That's what I'd like to achieve. Because I don't think I'm that much of a girl. Or I just watched too much gay porn.

You're right brother. I deeply appreciate your refreshing tolerance. Bigger hugz!