Hi I am niks!!!

Hi fellow Fapstronauts,

I am niks and I have been a porn addict for over 10 years now. I started watching porn when I was just 15 years old, I was a fun activity that time, jerking off felt really good. For starters I was curious about my body but was to shy to speak to anyone in my family or friend circle. I liked the high that I used to get when I jerked off watching semi naked women on fashion tv. I started performing bad on my tests, didn't want to be friends with anyone around, was not interested in the girls around me because I was allured by the models that I used to jerk to. It kept on going like this for a while, my performance kept on reducing, it used to increase when I gave up jerking off but never was I ever able to relate the two together. I tried starting a relationship multiple times but always stayed away thinking that my family's financial conditions won't let me have a stable relationship. I was too afraid and some times the situations were really horrid. I was introduced to real porn when I started my engineering. I always used to watch naked women but now I was watching naked women having fun stripping in front of men, sucking their genitalia, making love and taking their semen in their face. This was novel, I never liked the part about these girls sucking someones dick but loved the rest. My performance in engineering kept on going down gradually over the course of a broken relationship, my family problems etc. It was still alright but my brain was always looking for something novel, which it found lying in a friends computer - hentai magazines. With these hentai magazines came the possibilities and novelties that no real porn could ever deliver.Over the next few years I would get introduced to high speed internet, multitudes of porn websites, different types of novel drugs that they offered. I was earning myself, was so heart broken that didn't want to be in a relationship, the world had given me the best gift of internet. What would you have done if you were me. I kept on exploring hentai, moved from basic porn to hardcore, to group sex, but non of it could satisfy me anymore. While reading a hentai magazine, I found something bizarre one day, the thought perplexed me but at the same time it was so original and new, this was bestiality, tried exploring it as much as possible till I felt bad about it and tried stopping. Gang bang porn were still the best way to excite myself, I would seldom watch these videos and fantasize how the porn star would look when she is covered with all the semen from these multiple men. All this was affecting me and my work, I had no friends, I liked working alone, didn't feel like going out when someone called, didn't feel like taking up a hobby. I just thought that I was an introvert by nature. By this time I was masturbating almost every day. I tried getting into a relationship with a girl who worked at my office and who would end up dumping me the very next day. She told me that I was very immature. I would continue being around her, even though some of my friends suggested otherwise and I would continue my downfall. I was very emotional, and she was very vocal. She was curvy and dark so I had got hooked onto the new genre of porn and the ecstasy it offered - BBC porn. It continued for sometime meanwhile over the years I had got over the thought of being with her even though we worked at the same place. Then came the other porn that gave you degrading and humiliating assignments. This was a new high for me as now instead of just watching porn I wad doing it. I was ashamed of myself. I thought of even wearing a cage but later experienced that it works the opposite way. By this time I was showing other effects of prolonged porn usage, like inability to concentrate, pangs of thirst for porn, urges to try something new every time. And every time I did what these videos were asking me to do I felt disgusted. This is when I joined the fortify program, I have learned why my brain was forcing me to do such heinous tasks and that there is a need for me to control my brain. I have been off porn for 3 full week now and I can definitely feel the changes. I still keep getting the urges to watch porn and masturbate but I think that I don't want to watch my downfall and refrain from doing so.I am joining NoFap community so that I can help other people like me in fighting the drug knows as porn. I hope you people will accept me here and let me fight alongside you and reach out to me when you need help.

 

Thanks for your support D.j. and Keys.