Should I tell my husband?

I'm not sure what the abbreviation MP is. I think it's masturbation porn. If it is that then I would tell him. My husband kept it from e and finding out on my own almost every single time, has done damage. I just wish he would've been truthful to me. I feel like the last 5 years was a lie.

 

Tldr tbh

But yeah I guess

 

Well, you know him better than any of us. But as the person on the other end who was being lied to..I'd say if you really love him you should tell him. Try to break it down as easily as you can. Let him know you love him. Let him know you have a problem that you have and you want to come clean about it. Let him know you would like him to be there to help you get through it. Then let him talk if he's the talking type.

 

You're free to talk about your Christian views, especially in your own posts. The idea is not to push it on others.

Welcome. I'm Christian too.

This was me. He kept so much from me but insisted he wasn't, which made me feel like I was crazy.

I do think you need to tell him, yes. I believe coming clean needs to be part of your recovery, to take your relationship to the next level.

I recommend you read at your brain on porn. There's a ted talk that may help him to watch.

Also, see my signature for links about FANOS and karezza, two tools that helped my husband and me a lot. If you're on your phone turn it sideways to see it.

 

This is true
Your brain want take dopamine! And take it with this!
Don't forget our addiction is chemistry addiction.
We must believe to ourselves 100%

 

I told him and how heart broken he seemed to be that I did that to him just broke me up inside. It made him feel like he wasn't good enough for me and needed something extra.


i think this is the key. 1. can you say clearly (here and later to him) why do you masturbate? when or after the porn, what do you feel? what do you imagine (not acts. for example: i like to watch mature woman and young/son-mother because i feel the love and connection. some other imagine them selves being taken care of as they identifies with the character, some imagine the control over someone or dominated by). so you can reveal your needs that way. if you like woman that being controld maybe you feel not having control in life. if you like old man maybe you want to restore some old experience in a better way. AND SO you can tell your husband so he would understand that it's not about him. he is doing his best, which is more than enough for you, as your good friend and lover. personally i like to see my gf as my mother,daughter [please ppl dont see it as pedo- nothing to do with that], lover, best friend... she is everything to me.
2. i would show him that his desire for the drugs are the same. he is happy with you, but there is something else that need to feel some surge, some high, in his brain or whatever.
3. tell him "i need you to be strong as you are" and help me with my weakness. you being sad about it is understood but will not help. we have each other and that is so much. when you feel so bad, it makes me feel even worse because i dont want to hurt you, and so it becomes even harder for me not to masturbate.
4. try to be in a public place more, avoid situation you are alone. ask for your internet provider to block porn.
5. you need to believe all that and analyze (if you can - with therapist).

 

Yes, you should tell your husband. Like other SOs have stated, it is the lies that hurt most. Keeping this from him will hurt more when he figures it out for himself and then anything you tell him, he will not believe if he had to ask first. Better to be upfront and deal with his pain, than him finding out and never trusting you for your word because you didn't confide in him and only confessed after getting caught. Plan out what you will say and then set up a time to talk with him. He will be hurt, but not as much when the addict comes clean on their own. There are many of us SOs that will tell you the same thing. It hurts more to discover it than to have the addict confide in us.