Any advice to get a social circle ?

I'm going to post excerpt of stuff I've posted before. I know your issue well I was 40 before getting any real freinds, and in the last few years I've formed a strong social circle.

First, recognize that you can't force connections, and that when connections are not made, it's not a rejection of you. It's important to know that before you begin.....

Excerpt one:
when you approach socializing, it is something that you should not do with a goal, or measure your success by the people. You can't force people to connect with you. You can learn how to try, and be more open to communicating with them. Experience will teach you more confidence to do this with even more people. Still connections aren't something that can be forced. Sometimes, where you go just doesn't have your people. That's not a racist, sexist, or elitist remark, but instead, you have to realize what kind of people share your common interests, and where they might be gathering. (I'm not a sport enthusiast. In truth, I know very little about any sport because of it. While I'm a guy, and enjoy the company of guys, I wouldn't be very effective finding friends by frequenting a sports bar, and striking up conversations with people during games/matches. This is because I would be falsely forcing myself to embrace their interests in attempt force a connection). Other times, you just don't connect with the person, despite optimal circumstances. It's not a judgement or rejection of that person, but instead a lack of feeling which is perfectly normal to accept. (I'm host a board game group. While many of the people I meet are fun, intelligent, interesting, and have similar nerdy interests (Marvel & DC), there are still some that 'I couldn't get a read on', conversation never seemed to get past the basics, or even if we do, I or they can't seem to prioritize when we might get together (not playing games). That is not me thinking less of them, and they didn't reject me (they still come back next game session), but I can't let that drive a feeling of failure.)


Next, it's easiest when you find an activity you like and share in common with people, and then go do that activity with them, instead of trying to 'chat folks up'.

Excerpt two:
"So I didn't know how to meet people, and was uncomfortable just talking with anyone. However, my ex started going to random social groups she found on 'meetup.com'. We found one for board games. As soon as I met the people was hooked. See it's far easier to go do an activity, and then passively chat with people as you get comfortable, than to just 'go and meet people'. Board games end up being the perfect medium. You can focus on playing the game, and make chit chat as you feel comfortable. I've generally found the people that play games are in a warm friendly mood and tend to be a little bit sharper (not all mind you, and I could tell tales).

There are these kinds of meetup's everywhere. Once you find a theme you like, you can go to any city and feel comfortable meeting people there with the same interest. I've gone from my town where I was comfortable, to Denver and found more friendly fun people. They are designed to welcome anyone to just RSVP and show up.

I went from painful introvert with no friends to actual lead organizer of the group. Now I feel more comfortable and going to meet random people. I actually host monthly full game days from my house, and I never know who will be coming. (I've not had any issue with that either). I now have 400 members in my group, and each month brings 5 or 10 more.

It doesn't have to be meetup.com, there are all kinds of social groups out there. Whatever gets you out, and has a mechanism for welcoming new members will work."

Hope this helps.

 

Remember your social skills are like any other muscle. You work it out and it gets stronger, you don't it becomes weaker. I used to be like you, thinking people judged me, it's called Social Anxiety. This can be caused by many things, a mental illness, drugs, PMOing, isolation etc. Remember too that just like a muscle your social skills won't improve overnight, it takes 1+ years if youre constantly working at it. You sound depressed a little, how often do you hit the gym?

 

I'm 23 years old just like you, and ive been a lone wolf since I was In middle school, it does suck bro. Start talking to people when you go to the gym, don't worry about them judging you, they probably feel like that too. About connections it's like what positive change said, you have to find a connection point with people and explain your story to them. Are you working or are you going to school for a degree?

 

I feel like trying to understand the other person (even if you dont share most in common) is a form of training.
I have plenty of those friends, and you can indeed connect with them, but sometimes that prevents you from getting in a deeper level.

That's why its good to go to parties were this kinda of ambient is more open. You dont need to drink either, people can assume you're drunk and you can be really open. Sometimes this open situation gets you in shortcuts to know some people in a deep level.