cheating and women insulting/ dominating me turns me on why is this ?

Because you fapped so much to porn that your brain craved novelty. Things that can feel bad are perfect for novelty (ever heard of people looking for adventure? Danger? Taboos? Kinks?). You have always had strong emotions for adultry, neglect, abuse. So when you watched that in porn for the first time your brain gave you a huge shot of dopamine. Pathways formed as you repeated this behavior. This is why you "like" these things.
Stop it all and return to normal again.

 

Can't really say for certain the reasons for it? However, I think it's safe to say your brain is sick and that this sort of thing is unhealthy and can only lead to misery. I think in some cases it may be a way to feel safe or to deal with things. If you have been violated by a woman or injured in some way sexualizing the experience may be an inept way of trying to deal with it? Obviously it's most likely not something you are consciously doing, but it may be where it stems from? Clearly that would be unhealthy and just get worse and worse.

 

spot on dude. Strong emotion, whether positive or negative plus porn = big dopamine shots.

I am not yet certain of how to ride the waves of these moments but I am aware of them.

 

It is called supernormal stimulation. Dont worry just stop porn, masturbation and orgasm. Maybe even dont have sex for a month or more. You will be good to go. And optional tip: hit the weights i mean really heavy.

 

You will feel like jealous because you are human but not to overdose avoid porn and these type of stimulations. Get your dopamine high while doing other activities such as reading, exercising, singing or dancing etc. Your reptilian brain dupes you into watching fake scenes and ur responses in real life come out with wrong intensity. This is hard recognozing at first glance. But stop pmo , you will be great.

 

Just my theory, but it's simple. When you watch "cheating" porn, your brain has something like: I hate it, but I have to overcome it so I can have a dose of dopamine. And after overcome an obstacle, your dopamine rush just feel better, stronger than a normal one. So you get addict to what you hate.