New here, been doing it for 8 years straight and it's time to stop

Hey everyone ! Here's my story ( it may be a long one, so don't say I didn't warn you )

I'm 19 years old now and believe it or not, I've been masturbating since I was 11..... yeah 11 years old... wow. It all started with the good old pics on google images. I started watching porn videos a few months after, then one thing led to another and now I'm at a stage where I can watch incest / transwoman porn and not feel weird / guilty about it at all. I never went to gay porn though, if that matters.

I've never had a girlfriend but this is not the reason why I want to stop. Having a relationship and all that is not the biggest motivation for me, my fear for my future is. I want to stop because of how much my health has degraded in these years. My body feels much older than it should. My back & knees hurt so much more now, I have almost no energy all day, and I just feel lost. No motivation, nothing at all just me and this damn laptop all day. I tried to stop many many times and my highest streak ever was 8 days straight. ( I know it's too short but this is the best I could ever do ).

Right now I stopped masturbating for 4 days but I watched porn twice in these 4 days, just watching and nothing else. I don't know why but porn feels like a daily routine now. I just have to watch 1 or 2 videos every day even if I don't masturbate. I know a big part of my problem is boredom and lots of free time. I also know how to fix it but sadly I'm one of those people with social anxiety, and it's just getting worse over time so solutions like " go out with friends " or " go join a football team " or " get a hobby / go to the gym "... etc won't work for me.

I need someone to help me with these first few days because I always google this stuff and never end up really doing it successfully. I know the first 20 days or so are the hardest to go through and I felt that whenever I tried to stop for more than 5 days. I know how to block porn but every time I do it I find some way to get back and remove whatever application / filter I added to do it. Also I don't even NEED porn I can just use my imagination which is a way bigger problem. Even if I block off all porn I will still masturbate like this so I just don't know what to do. 90 days or even 30 days feels like a really tough goal for me and I'm a person with very very low self-esteem and confidence so this only makes it worse. I read lots of success stories but sadly all I do is read and read, never taking it into action.

Again, sorry for the long post but I'm really hoping to stop this time so I tried to include as many details as possible. Also sorry if this is in the wrong section, I just found out about this site like 5 minutes ago.

Thank you if you read all this, and sorry if it wasted your time.

 

Thank you ! I'm still clean so far and I really feel like I can do it this time
didnt log onto the forums because I wanted to keep my mind completely away from this topic ... been watching tv shows and movies for the last few days and it works ... it keeps me away from this crap I'm feeling better about myself already and all that guilt is starting to flip to a positive mood .. kinda ... just hope I can keep it up